crapfully: (Default)
Strong Bad ([personal profile] crapfully) wrote in [community profile] mylittlejamjar2014-06-15 11:52 am

strongbad_scrollmail.exe --- fathers' day [text]

Judging by the 400 percent increase in parent-related whining over the past day or so, it must be Fathers' Day. Ah, Fathers' Day. A good ol' corporate-created 'holiday' used to spur quickly regretted purchases of flashy bicycle parts and malfunctioning outdoor grills. And cold ones. I mean, I wouldn't say no to one of those. I could pretend to be someone's dad for one of those.

But this Fathers' Day has revealed one more terrible influence it has over us all: it's making this town even more unbearably miserable than usual. So your parents are in another world, living their probably two-legged lives, and they may or may not think you're dead. Or maybe they were so absent that they wouldn't notice their child's disappearance at all.

Yeah, it really sucks and all, but isn't being without your parents actually great? No rules! You can stick your hooves on the table all you want. You can eat ice cream sammies for breakfast. And best of all, you've got a town taking care of you and some kind of boring job! So you don't have to deal with trying not to starve, the one thing that makes actual adulthood difficult.

Compared to that, what did your parents ever give you? Time outs? Dubiously-deserved corporeal punishment? Babysitting duty on Friday night? So buck up. It's not like you're missing any great thing that only they could provide.

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