Seventh Broadcast [from the Night Market radio]

[nvcr]

--and I myself was reunited with my beautiful boyfriend Carlos. Oh, sweet Carlos, I will treasure our memory for as long as I remain trapped in this--[He coughs.]

Sorry. Intern Elizabeth [To those newponies that work in the radio station, that's the changeling who lives in the storage closet] has just refilled my coffee cup--thank you, Elizabeth--so I think I should move on. One should never underestimate one's own interns, nor should they question the full extent of Station Management's power.

Now that we've recovered from the space-time anomaly that occurred earlier this month, we can all find something new to get excited about! The Grand Galloping Gala will be held in Canterlot later this season, in the same place and time that all municipally-approved galas are held. For those of you who were invited, don't waste time in picking out the perfect gala attire and accompaniments. Here's hoping you have someone to spend the evening with--or at least, fond memories of when you did.

And now, I think it's high time for an editorial. I think we've all had an opportunity to look through the new Hoovesweek for a while now, Ponyville. I am holding a copy right now, and I have to say, the cover art is literally breathtaking. And did you just see that photo gallery?! Native ponies, I know that pictures often do not do a memory proper justice, despite old adages about a picture's value against our own inability to put our hazy, continually-slipping memories into words.

So, I hope you got a good look at the newcomers' true forms and stole glimpses of those even stranger visitors while you had the chance. The breadth of universes is vast. Far more vast than any of us can ever hope to understand. Very young foals should look through with caution, as some of the photos pertain to more [he coughs] adult interests.

I'll get to more highlights of this issue in a second. But first, congratulations to the winners of the essay contest! Now, I know that interning is a dangerous and, oftentimes, thankless job, but I know you guys will be able to persevere. After fighting malicious shadows, soul-sucking--and soul-devouring--changelings, and the wrath of Princess Celestia herself, overtaken by some strange entity we do not yet fully understand...I think you should be able to manage just fine. Best of luck!

Okay, back to more Hoovesweek articles!

Don't you just love when the natives here go the extra mile to make us feel at home, newponies and not-ponies? Now, back in Night Vale, our newspaper's chief editor Leann Hart took hours out of her very demanding workday to carefully correct every news story into its absolute truth, and silencing anyone who tried to feed the public with untruths. Or, if she was particularly busy, having the Secret Police do the silencing for her. Hours! Hours she could have spent on her hobbies, like, I don't know, chopping up bloggers with hatchets. Now, I haven't seen ay hatchets around here, but I'm glad to see that Hoovesweek has the same diligence in their writing as any self-respecting Night Vale journalist. I mean, you all did see Benedict's careful twisting--and correcting--of what we all thought to be the truth? How simple inconveniences such as the nuances of a pony's past were filtered down to their most bitter mistakes? How not even a vile miscreant like Zetta was spared from mention? 

Great going, Hoovesweek. I always knew you had it in you to make a Night Valean like me feel welcome.

Although I'd have to complain about the general tone of that article. Eggs Benedict, I'd be careful with my words if I were you. I mean, people around here might think you were trying to start something you shouldn't.

But, [he chuckles here] who do you think I am, a crazy person?

Let's go to the weather!

Comments

[Visual]

[cape_and_wizard_hat]

'Tis hard to believe, but those articles are in fact untrue in tone and unneeded in existence. Take you for example: If tension between us and you outsiders were to increase to a point where it becomes taboo to be seen together, then how will you be able to watch Trixie's performances?

That's right! All outsiders are welcomed in Trixie's audience and to say otherwise is to deny her business! To deny Trixie business is one o the very worst mistakes anypony could ever make! It would do Hoovesweek well to tread lightly.

[nvcr]

Um, I was kinda being sarcastic.

[Visual]

[cape_and_wizard_hat]

Oh. 'Twas difficult to tell with your tone of voice.

[nvcr]

You get used to it after so many years of living in Night Vale. Anyone with half a brain knows that the Secret Police come and take you to locations unknown if you just say things.

[Visual]

[cape_and_wizard_hat]

What are you talking about?

Okay, fist off, there are no secret police. Only the guards, and they are to not kidnap others when they say things.

Second, Trixie says what she pleases.

Visual

[superstylishsquid]

For the record, those photos were out of context. All I was doing was giving an anatomy lesson since Lyra was curious about how a humanoid body is put together.

[nvcr]

Oh.

In that case, I'm...kinda wondering how they found them.

[superstylishsquid]

Looks like somepony was lurking outside the window. I'm guessing they found out that one of the new-no-longer-ponies was staying with her and decided to snoop.

[nvcr]

In that case, I'm glad you're not too upset about it. I mean, worst comes to worst, all we have is a bunch of ponies gossiping about what they think the context is.

[And let me tell you, Alastor, he can certainly see why.

Luckily, he's just now realized that ponies have no nudity standards.]

But it's probably nothing. I mean, I haven't worn clothes in days!

[superstylishsquid]

The other newponies might gossip and that could get annoying. Not that I don't like Lyra well enough, but it's always a little frustrating when people jump to conclusions.

But honestly, I don't see why humans make a big deal out of nudity these days. Two-thousand years ago, nobody would have given those photos a second thought.

[incoming caller!]

[polyturtle]

So, I'll be honest. I'm...not sure whether you're complimenting or insulting "Eggs Benedict".

[A beat.]

I'm inclined to think its both.

Re: [incoming caller!]

[nvcr]

Well, when you put that much effort into incendiary propaganda, I guess you deserve some kind of recognition.

They must really be passionate about their job.

[incoming caller!]

[polyturtle]

Probably. But, its good to see your show is up and running again.

[nvcr]

Thanks, Don. It's not quite the same as the news lineup we had back in Night Vale, but I'm more than aware that the ponies have a rather...different set of needs and interests that I must cater to.

I've been thinking of bringing back the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner.

[Audio] After the broadcast

[pirateponyprincess]

My, I was unaware that Ponyville had picked up some radio programming. I shall have to take the time to listen more in the future.

[nvcr]

Please do! The Night Market offers all kinds of subversive radio programming for your subversive needs.

[pirateponyprincess]

'Subversive radio programming'? Those are usually only present in more oppressed areas. Has Equestria truly fallen that far?

[nvcr]

I don't think so! In fact, it's actually quite the wonderful change of pace from what I'm used to. But I've always been a subversive radio host--in fact, I even have a merit badge for it that I earned when I was ten--so I don't see any reason to stop now.

[Audio call-in] (up to you whether Cecil puts him on the air or no)

[bluesuit_hoofy]

Andrew here, contest winner, hello! Bang-up job you're doing on the broadcast, Cecil, and thanks for the vote of confidence. I'd just like to thank the editors at Hoovesweek for devoting the time and effort it must have taken to turn my essay into something really worthy of their publication.

On Air!

[nvcr]

Oh, I know! I mean, what a painstaking job that must have been, twisting every word of yours until it fits in with every other article in their...well, their unique lineup.

On Air!

[bluesuit_hoofy]

I know I'm certainly looking forward to meeting the ponies behind it all. It's exciting to finally learn about getting the scoop from the pros.

[audio]

[sailorlaughter]

[This is absolutely a broadcast from a new scroll that no one has ever used previously and has definitely never been owned by a Pinkie Pie.]

Cecil! Stephen the Bear here. I couldn't help but notice that, while certainly very informative, your broadcast made no mention of the newest up-and-coming news in news - Noovesweek.

Noovesweek: The Nooves knows news!

[...that's definitely a male voice though. Huh.]

On Air!

[nvcr]

Hello Stephen!

[Nope. Never. Who is Stephen? Certainly no one that Cecil knows!]

I must say, the cover art for this first issue of Noovesweek is adorable! And applaud the choice of content. No unnecessary gossip. No mysterious photos of what we thought were private moments. No tragically biased articles to stir discontent within the general population...

I mean, who would ever want to publish any of those things? Certainly not Noovesweek! Wow, what great taste!

On Air!

[sailorlaughter]

Of course not! Noovesweek is a proud and patriotic establishment! The love of Equestria pumps through our veins like root beer through a root beer float! Friendship is like the delicious metaphorical banana in our delicious literal banana-split. And respect for others? Well, those are the cruchy, colorful sprinkles of delight.

We're committed to bringing you the truth of Equestria in every issue! And as we all know, the truth of Equestria...is awesomeness.

Re: On Air!

[nvcr]

Oh, don't forget tolerance and community! And not deciding to be a racist jerk, because that never helps.