mylittlejamjar | Secret Mission 2: Chaos on the Rocks [Private Visual to Discord]

Now? But I haven't even had time to put my face on!

[And Discord appears where Dante is, sans face.]

Then either put it on quick or borrow mine; Oktoberfest is not something I'm letting you miss.

Oh, very well.

[Discord puts Dante's face on, before putting his own face onto Dante.]

SPLENDID! Let's go!

(Does this mean Dante has a groovin' beard?

Because he's stroking that groovin' beard like a grandmaster. Also he's leading the way.)

You know about Oktoberfest, right? You drink, you eat and you drink some more. That means this is the perfect opportunity to get you drunk for the first time.

Yes, I don't remember what I was doing last year around this time...not that it would have mattered. I'm much more motivated now~!

As you should be...which reminds me: don't be surprised if you can't remember what happens next. Things tend to get hazy when you're smashed.

Not a problem - I'll just take pictures!

[And there's a floating camera next to him. It clicks, just as Discord poofs in next to Dante with a grin.] There! Now then, where were we going?

(Thankfully, Dante's reflexes allow to pose an appropriately silly pose for the selfie.)

Right in the center of it all...Oktoberfest!

(Because they're now literally in the middle of the festival with Dante's boisterous declaration echoing across the air for a few seconds.)

I hear they made a special brew, in honor of that fight with Calice. We gotta get in on that before it's gone.

Oh, absolutely~! I'll just make more if they do, but I really feel the onus should be on them.

[Discord reaches up to adjust the dragon face on his head.] I once spent a fair few decades living in a forest in Germaney, you know! They STILL say it's cursed~!

Guess you have a knack for leaving a lasting impact, don't you?

(He shoots a wink Discord's way. After the dragon finishes a few transactions with a confused merchant (That face really doesn't belong on Dante, so he thinks, but what does the dragon care? It's all in good fun), he returns to the chaos lord, two barrels in hand and gives one over to him.)

Speaking of lasting impacts, what do you say we start strong and hit the ground running?

There's hardly any sense in starting weak~

[And Discord puts the barrel on the ground, stands on it, and begins to run, rolling himself away.

As he goes, he extracts a very long swirly straw from somewhere and manages to puncture the side of the barrel, drinking from it while still rolling.]

(Whereas Dante seems quite content with making his beer consumption airborne. Flying over the draconequus, the dragon pokes a hole into the barrel with his finger and drinking straight from it. Don't mind him as he chugs for a bit, wiping his muzzle with an arm.)

Not too bad, right? These guys know how to make a good brew.

Yes, yes, it's quite good!

[Discord says with a temporary second mouth, because the one he stole from Dante is busy. Meanwhile, he is careening down a crowded festival street on a barrel.] Excellent for keeping ponies out of the way.

That's why alcohol's such a great beverage.

(Meanwhile, he'll just perch himself on Discord's head while taking another swig. Once he removes the barrel, Dante exhales a mighty burst of flame. You know, but he's suddenly putting on a show.)

It's uses are only limited by your imagination.

[There's a moment where Discord is clearly carrying Dante's weight perfectly well, without even a wobble. So when he pitches head over heels, twisting his long body into something resembling a wheel, it's clearly deliberate.

He continues rolling on, his own barrel now held in his claws, on the inside of the wheel.]

I think I'm going to make candy with it!

(Meanwhile, Dante rolls along the Discord Wheel, the balancing act unsurprisingly easy for Dante to manage. He's running backwards on a wheel of chaos while drinking heavy alcoholic beverages. That's about a typical Thursday for Dante.)

Pretty sure alcoholic candy's an actual thing. If you make a batch of it, you gotta share some with me.

I am far ahead of you~

[An arm reaches up out of the spinning wheel, holding a box of alcohol candies. They're all shaped like Discord's head, because honestly why not at this point]

(The amused dragon scoops up a few of the alcoholic candies, admiring their design. What a looker. Dante strokes his Discord face with an amused grin. He laughs and pops them into his mouth, offering the chaos lord two thumbs up.)

Jack Daniel's...you remembered, after all.

(He places a hand over his chest.)

It's like you're after my heart.

Oh, don't be silly.

That's in this box!

[He holds up another, bigger box.

Do not open it dear lord]

(This is Dante we're talking about

He does what he wants

#YOLO

Meaning the curious dragon is gonna go right ahead and open that box.)

[It contains exactly what you would expect.]

(Okay, well...that's a little graphic for a PG-13 game, so rather than go into detail about what they both know is in the box, Dante simply closes it up and gives it back to Discord.)

Why don't you hold onto that?

(He then, of course, returns to chugging down his drink and shoots the draconequus a wink.)

Very well!

[And he pops it back down and into his mouth.] You know, I think THAT may have been alcoholic!

Maybe it'll give you the kick you need to get drunk.

If not, then I'm pretty sure eating someone else's heart is as close to romantic as it typically gets for demons.

Isn't this all just sweet~?

Sickeningly.

(He says with a grin.)

But let's be honest: it wouldn't be Oktoberfest if you didn't get yourself sick, right?

Sounds fair enough. [And he conjures up another barrel of beer.] Though if I get sick, I will ensure that everyone else does also.

Misery loves company...but to be honest, I wouldn't mind a sick day or two.|

(After finishing his barrel of booze, Dante crushes it against his forehead as if it were a regular can.)

But if anyone can stomach all of this, it'd be you, so I'm not worried.

[Discord unhinges his jaw and consumes the entire barrel at once.]

I'd imagine so! Perhaps we should move on to something harder~?

You know me: I'm always ready for the next step.

You got something in mind?

[The spinning comes to an abrupt halt as Discord stops and stands again.]

EARTHSHINE!

[And he produces a giant bendy straw, stabs it into the ground, and begins drinking from it.]

(As Discord comes to a halt, Dante leaps off of the lord of chaos and stands beside him, scanning the giant bendy straw.)

Oh, that all natural stuff. Never tried it myself, but I've heard it's not bad. Your vote?

[Discord draws away, his lips dripping with what may be magma.]

Oh, quite good! A bit of an iron-y aftertaste~

I could believe that.

It getting you buzzed yet?

Mmmmmmmm...

[Buuuuuurp]

Perhaps a tad.

Only a tad?

(Dante scoffs.)

That's some awesome tolerance, but we're gonna have to do better than a tad.

(Dante rubs his chin in thought, then wags a finger.)

When none of your inside sources can do the trick, you turn to an outside source, right? So if nothing in this world can do the trick, then a little offworld help might. And let's be honest here: what in all of Equestria has more alcohol content than me?

Why, Dante. Whatever are you suggesting~?

[Eyelash flutter. Watch the game rating, boys.]

I'm suggesting doing you a little favor. You're a smart chaos lord and I'm a generous guy. I think we can figure something out.

(He grins. We might need a scene transition here. )

[SCENE CHANGE SCENE CHANGE OH MY GOD]

(ONE DESPERATELY NEEDED SCENE CHANGE LATER

Dante is collapsed on the ground with a lampshade on his head and a mop in his hand, laughing like he's never laughed before. There's an event that took place here that should probably be left unsaid in order to prevent any minds from actually melting. Let's just say that their adventures needed to be offscreen.)

See..? See? Told you you had it in you. You just needed a pushhhh...in the right direction.

(Oh, and Dante's completely drunk.)

[Discord's lying half-in a tree, his front half sprawled out on the ground.]

It'sa...it'sa pull! [Discord bursts into laughter and flails his arms.] Pull meeeeeeeeeee!

(It takes a bit of effort and a little flailing before Dante can get up, but eventually he does what he's told and attempts pulling on the draconequus, laughing all the while.)

There's...there's a joke to be made here. Somewhere.

Shhhhhhhh - [There's a thump as the rest of Discord falls out of the tree.] - hhhhhhhh. Th'rathin..rate...thing. That.

[He points towards what would probably be the corner of the screen if this were on TV.]

(Dante is without most of his balance, since he's incredibly drunk, so he falls to the ground with Discord, holding a claw to the chaos lord's lips.)

I gotch...I got your rating right here.

(The red dragon pulls his claw aside to lean in nice and close. Before either of them know, he's going right in for a kiss.

Dante, you are so lucky this is within the game's rating, otherwise I'd end this thread right here.)

[Luckily, that is indeed within the rating!

Also, Discord is a ridiculously sloppy kisser when drunk, and possibly when not. To be fair, he also briefly considered slurping Dante up like a noodle, so at least that isn't happening? Probably?

God help our souls.]

(Given the dragon's advances and his suggestive suggestion from earlier, there's a good chance he's encouraging Discord to do exactly that. Why? Who the Hell knows; these two are terrifying together and do whatever they want. Including drunk, sloppy kisses.

Who agreed to let these two happen?)

[Only the WORST PEOPLE EVER]

(WHY WOULD THEY AGREE TO SUCH MADNESS

I dunno, but it's funny. If nothing else, it was a successful Oktoberfest, completely with unspeakable incidents that'll never be mentioned again.

Though it may be best to draw a curtain of courtesy over these two, lest we want to endure more unspeakable alcohol-induced shenanigans with these two. ~~Gotta preserve that game rating~~)

Secret Mission 2: Chaos on the Rocks [Private Visual to Discord]

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