Strong Bad (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
crapfully) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
mylittlejamjar2014-03-12 12:30 pm
crapfully) wrote in mylittlejamjar2014-03-12 12:30 pm
second offense: musical edition (visual, backdated a few days))
[[Strong Bad is standing in front of a chalkboard he's dragged out of...somewhere. He holds a chalk piece as if it's superglued to his hoof...somehow. The normal rules of hands or hooves have never applied to him. He's also donned a professor's cap for tonight's special occasion.]]
Greetings, people of Ponyville! I'm your host, Strong Bad, and I bring you some important information. I've generously decided to take this opportunity to address a growing problem in our town marketplace: the groan-inducing horror of the grocer's apostrophes.
[[He writes those last two words on the board.]]
Please note that I wrote apostrophes, not apostrophe-apostrophe-s. Apostrophe's [[he writes this, then draws an X over it]] is a completely stupid thing to write. Why? Well, I'm glad you asked. I'll tell you why!
[Suddenly, music! It's...a bizarre fusion of carnival tunes and metal, for some reason.]
...what the crap? Music? Guess I'll be singing you why.
You gotta love apostrophes
They tell you who owns what
Unless it's a contraction
I'll tell you 'bout those, but
---not 'til later. For now:
That little slash before the S
Is an apostrophe
It might look like a comma
But it's high up like a tree
It's used when you would like to say
To whom a thing belongs
Joe-apostrophe-S then means
That Joseph owns those gongs
Apostrophe and S are pals
But not joined at the hip
So if you write Banana-postrophe-Sssssssss....
You've made a major slip!
Don't write "Banana's 50 Bits" [This appears on the board and is immediately X'd]
That's absolutely dumb
'Cause then the banana's loaded
Like it's gonna buy some gum.
Like it's gonna.....buy....some gum!
[The music finishes on a rockin' high note. When it fades, he looks bewildered for a second---then regains his smug composure.]
Well...that was unfortunately G-rated. But that, my friends, is how you properly punctuate your marketplace signage. No need to thank me. Except by maybe fixing the offending signs. My supply of red pens is steadily shrinking.
Greetings, people of Ponyville! I'm your host, Strong Bad, and I bring you some important information. I've generously decided to take this opportunity to address a growing problem in our town marketplace: the groan-inducing horror of the grocer's apostrophes.
[[He writes those last two words on the board.]]
Please note that I wrote apostrophes, not apostrophe-apostrophe-s. Apostrophe's [[he writes this, then draws an X over it]] is a completely stupid thing to write. Why? Well, I'm glad you asked. I'll tell you why!
[Suddenly, music! It's...a bizarre fusion of carnival tunes and metal, for some reason.]
...what the crap? Music? Guess I'll be singing you why.
You gotta love apostrophes
They tell you who owns what
Unless it's a contraction
I'll tell you 'bout those, but
---not 'til later. For now:
That little slash before the S
Is an apostrophe
It might look like a comma
But it's high up like a tree
It's used when you would like to say
To whom a thing belongs
Joe-apostrophe-S then means
That Joseph owns those gongs
Apostrophe and S are pals
But not joined at the hip
So if you write Banana-postrophe-Sssssssss....
You've made a major slip!
Don't write "Banana's 50 Bits" [This appears on the board and is immediately X'd]
That's absolutely dumb
'Cause then the banana's loaded
Like it's gonna buy some gum.
Like it's gonna.....buy....some gum!
[The music finishes on a rockin' high note. When it fades, he looks bewildered for a second---then regains his smug composure.]
Well...that was unfortunately G-rated. But that, my friends, is how you properly punctuate your marketplace signage. No need to thank me. Except by maybe fixing the offending signs. My supply of red pens is steadily shrinking.