mylittlejamjar | Mission 1: of Pizzas and Pizzazz [Visual]

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Mission 1: of Pizzas and Pizzazz [Visual]

So...just heard about that pizza thing going on. Just gonna tell you guys know in case you haven't tried it already: pizza is awesome. It totally counts as a vegetable, too; I read about it somewhere, so it's legit.

So as the resident pizza expert, I can tell you whatever you need to know. It's pretty easy food, but it's one of those things you can pretty much make however you want. And you know, in case anyone wants to be a real pal and spare me a few slices, that'd be great.

(Don't worry; he's being melodramatic.)

Oh, and to a certain someone: you're welcome. You know who you are.

(The dragon gives the scroll a wink before ending the video.)

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[Oooooh no, he is not letting that slide.]

Hey, wait a minute. You're not the only pizza expert!

(He smirks.)

That so? You know any others around here?

[There might be the hint of a poop-eating grin. Because Don doesn't swear.]

You're looking at him.

(He's teasing, honest.)

Then you already know your way around a deep dish?

Deep dish, New York style, double-baked, Neopolitan, Lazio squares...you name it, I know it.

(A nod of approval.</small.) ...Okay; I believe you. It almost hurts me to think there's a world that went so long without pizza, but hey: better late than never.

Well, I do have a bit of a home team advantage where I come from.

You plan on entering the contest?

Thinking about it. This is one of my things, man; there's no way I can't get in on this.

The only question is how...and honestly, I'm still figuring that out.

I don't see why not. Maybe you can make the biggest pizza in Equestria?

I can sure as hell try. Think they keep enough dough for one of those?

I don't see why they wouldn't!

Awesome. I'll save you a slice of...whatever the hell we end up making. No olives included, so it'll be great.

... I know you sure aren't talking to me. I wouldn't thank you for a parasprite's fart, the way you're lazing around.

What happened to agreeing to help keep an eye on the Everfree?

...Also you know that pony-sized food is way too small to be of any worth to you.

I think we'll know for sure once we try it out. Besides, I can't say no to pizza, even if it's smaller than my claws.

Don't worry about it; I'm still looking over it. You know this mountain gives me a perfect view of the whole thing? Seriously, it's practically right out the door and to the left. There hasn't been much besides that one bear on the first day.

...You know, I've never heard anyone weaving glorious tales about a dragon's eyesight. Even then, do you even know WHAT a parasprite looks like, much less a hydra or taurmite?

Hydras are the ones with all the heads; I know that. The other two...

(Give him a moment; he'll figure out an answer.)

...The way I see it: if I can see it from here, it's an immediate problem.

(Yup, all the same bullshit he loves to spew.)

...Just keep an eye on the ponies who have decided it's a good place to hang out. I guess I'll watch over the rest.

[Dante you are useless.]

(He has his moments.)

Like Morning Star, right? Don't worry; I'm keeping a close eye on that one.

Oh, I'd been hoping somepony might know what they're on about with this contest. Looks like a spot of fun, but I've never cooked anything before. Can you make pizzas alcoholic? I fancy that might just be creative enough to pull in a win, what?

Damn right, you can make pizzas alcoholic. Most pizza places don't do it, but hey: homemade's supposed to be better, right? Besides, some people use alcohol for cooking.

They do, don't they? Hah! I don't suppose the alcohol enhances the chef as well as the meal?

[He winks.]

Any recommendations? I've heard of 'cooking sherry' but sherry anywhere near a pizza sounds frightful. Could we do some sort of steeping? My chum Tuppy made some 'drunken blueberries' he'd steeped in vodka to get past the police officers in America.

Of course. A real chef doesn't serve what they themselves won't eat.

I'm always a Jack Daniel's kind of guy, but a little vodka actually doesn't sound too bad. I think the trick is making sure you still have more pizza than booze, otherwise you'd be serving it in a mug, you know?

[Bertie nods as that all sounds sensible, then an marvelous idea strikes him.]

Oh! I don't suppose you can breathe fire? Cooking with dragon flames has got to count for something in competition.

Er... that is... if you wouldn't mind pairing up with me for this contest. We could split the winnings! And a trip to this Grand Galloping Gala as consolation sounds topping.

Sure, I'm game. That fire breathing actually isn't that hard; the trick is to pretend you're about to cough and the rest kinda comes natural.

(As demonstration, there's a healthy stream of flame that the dragon manages to exhale. It's exactly what to expect from a full grown dragon.)

That and I can't say no to a party; they call to me, man.

Brilliant!

[His wings flutter in excitement.]

I'll see what I can come up with here for toppings. I think I can use a few of the bits I've managed to pull together to get us a decent sort of liquor. Do you know what other ingredients pizzas need?

The basic necessities of a pizza are dough, cheese and tomato sauce. Everything after that is pimping it out to your tastes. Maybe a little extra cheese or some peppers to kick it up a notch.

Ah, I do like a bit of spice now and again. Oh! And we can make it with apples. We've got loads of those bobbing about what with Ms. Applejack's farm hardly a hop away.

[He nods smartly.]

Right. So... apples, peppers... Hrm. It seems like we're missing something. The meat! Oh, but ponies don't eat meat. I'll have to see if there's anything at the market similar. Ms. Disciple's mostly just been collecting the stuffs for dinner.

Maybe they have some kind of substitute. You know, like tofu or something. I never ate the stuff, so I dunno what it's like; I'm leaving that up to you.

[Bertie has no idea what tofu is, but it seems gauche to mention that.]

Oh, tofu... righto! Well, I'll ask about it. The ponies seem to have most everything else, so why not? I shall acquire and bring the lot to you forthwith, my good Dante!

Hmm... there's also the matter of getting to Canterlot. I don't suppose you'll fit on the train.

Nope, but you think that's all it'll take to stop me? Pretty sure I can just fly over there, no problem.

Guess I could give you a lift, if you need one.

[Riding a dragon? Bertie's not going to bounce like he's just won a 100:1 bet on his favorite horse. He's really not.]

My good Dante, if I were any more amicable to that arrangement, I dare say I'd be shouting my answer from the rooftops. That is to say: Yes. If it wouldn't be too much trouble. Hah! I can't wait to see the looks on my chums' faces back home when I told them I got to fly with a dragon.

(Watch Dante not mind at all. Go ahead and watch; this is simply stroking his ego.)

All the kids on the block will be so jealous of you living one of the most metal fantasies out there. Hell, I'd probably be a little jealous if I wasn't the dragon in question.

['Metal fantasies'? Bertie hasn't the faintest idea where iron or steel might come into the thing, but he doesn't comment. He supposes it must be part of being a half-demon.]

Well, it's good to have that all sorted out. I'll look into picking up those ingredients. Where is your cave out in the wilds, though? I can fly over the forest, but it does help to have a destination in mind.

You see those mountains outside of town? There's a nice sized caved right at the top of one of 'em; that's where I'm at. It's got one hell of a view.

[Bertie whistles, impressed.]

You must do, old boy. I'll be out there presently, then. I'm very much looking forward to this contest. Toodle pip for now, though!

Yeah, see you later man. Give me a call if you get lost.

Can you tell me about this pizza? [He's curious about this food.]

Edited 2013-04-19 02:12 (UTC)

Oh, it's real simple, but a hell of a thing. Just get some dough together, splash on a little tomato sauce, get plenty of cheese on top and cook it in an oven for a while. I'm telling you: it's one of the best things out there and that's before you get some toppings going.

(Can you tell he's a fan of pizza?)

While I can not claim expert status in regards to pizza, I would like to believe I know enough to realize it's not a vegetable. Even if tomato sauce was not usually sugared enough to destroy any nutritious qualities it possesses, the fact remains tomatos are fruits.

[Her tone is amused, even if her words are lecturing]

I suppose you are entering the contest then.

(Dante's face is probably equally as amusing. He doesn't take offense to being corrected; that was just...quite a lecture.)

Well hey, fruits are still good for you, so it all works out.

(No Dante, it does not.)

Yeah, I'm getting in on this with a friend. Nothing like a dragon's touch to spice things up, right?

I think you missed the point about the sugar. [Still mostly amused]

Having never been a dragon myself I can not say. But I do imagine it will be a rather large pizza if nothing else.

Well, there's sugar in everything, right? Can't be all that bad. (He's missing the part where it's not the same kind of sugar.)

Haven't you heard? It's just the size that counts; it's how you use it. It sure as hell helps, though.

(Why yes, that was a subtle bit of flirting. Except without so much of the subtlety.)

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Mission 1: of Pizzas and Pizzazz [Visual]

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[Visual] (What even is that icon, Dante? XD)

[Visual] (It is the best icon ever ;D)

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