mylittlejamjar | 7th confession: This I believe.

visual

[ A red bear sits on of the Agency’s roof. She’s never really gotten out of the habit of hanging out on rooftops. Even turning into a bear and getting a real place to sleep can’t break it. ]

So, Equestria. Got a question I’ve been meanin’ ta ask ya. What do ya believe in?

[ She’s got a stick of Pocky half-hanging out of her mouth, and she chews it idly. There’s a gorgeous sunset which is reflecting off of her fur. The image is filled with oranges and yellows. ]

Now, tha’s diff’rnt from what ya believe, see. I believe gravity exists, an’ tha’ everythin’ balances, an yadda yadda. Whatever else.

No… when yer losin’ hope, I wanna know what ya turn to. Who ya trust. What ya know’s right.

[ She shrugs and pulls out another stick of Pocky, the previous one chewed away. ] S’just a good thing ta remind yerself of sometimes, I think. Ya always gotta know why yer doin’ whatcher doin’. Otherwise ya might as well not do it.

I usedta believe in God. I mean, I still do, but I got ta thinkin’ he din’t have time fer magical girls like me. We struck out on our own, we got powerful an’ we paid the consequences. I still believe in Him.

But I also believed in my dad. I think I believed in him just as much. He’s how I knew God. Tha’s why it was bad when…

[ She chokes up and shakes her head. ] Well… never mind, tha’s private.

But tha’s not what drives me anymore. Not th’only thing, anyway. I still remember my dad, and I still pray ta God, but… things change. I’m not fightin’ fer them anymore. I think I’m fightin’ fer you.

[ A weak smile. ] One o’ you more than the rest. But still. … Heh, I dunno if this even makes much sense. But… I was talkin’ with Jappleack, an’ I don’ even think mosta what I want ta do is fightin’ anymore. Damn place… but… whether I’m fightin’ or not, s’still because there’s somethin’ I believe in. Somethin’ here.

[ She thinks for a moment, trying to figure out if there’s a better way to end it. She reaches out to turn off the recording. ]

Oh! Wait. One more thing. We got the shrine an’ tha’s good, but I was thinkin’ about creatin’ a meditative space out by th’forest. Let me know if ya’d have any interest in that.

An’, yeah, answer my question. What ya believe in. I really do want ta know.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, though I think that's a good thing. Any of my siblings would end up tearing this place apart to leave.

Like tha'd do any good.

No, but I'd rather not deal with any of the fall out from their attempts.

Prob'ly wouldn' be a problem for too long. Ya seen how many magical girls are in this freakin' place?

Well, if they're anything like the one I know from back home, that might be an even bigger mess. Things exploded. Everywhere. Sky ends up raining upwards and purple, and everyone speaks in Shakespearean from now on.

Like I said, I'm glad they're not here.

...

Like ta see Shakespeare write th'way I talk...

Doesn' really sound like th'kind of family ya'd believe in. Unless ya believe in their ability ta mess stuff up.

[This is what happens when you're related to born and bred war machines]

It can't be helped. I trust them both to be them, it's just that they get out of control at times and have very different perspectives on what needs to be done. They're too used to fighting.

So ya believe in their ability ta... be, really.

What about you?

What about me?

Ya believe in them, fine. How bout yerself?

Of course I believe in myself. [Sure that was rocky, but he's getting his self confidence back.]

I believe I can do some good where ever I end up, or at least hopefully no harm.

Tha's somethin' too. I think a belief facin' out's almost as important as an inward-facin' one.

Both are very important. How can you stand strong for others if you can't do the same for yourself? But it is also important to let others stand for you when you need it.

...

I won't make 'em do that.

It's not about 'making' someone do that for you. It's just what happens when people trust you, you have to be able to trust them in return. No one should have to be a single rock against the waves. When you care about someone, you help them, right? Why would they not feel the same way?

Look, s'about who's worth savin'. 'm already dead, so 'm not on that list.

[ There is someone she trusts deep in her heart, though. At least one someone. Probably many. She takes one stick from her box of Pocky and angrily chews on it. ]

Well, as one already dead person to another, worth doesn't work like that.

... Yer brothers kill ya?

No, they didn't. [Really they were pretty much forced to help him kill himself, but that was his choice, not theirs.]

You are alive, and if you can care about others, others can care about you.

Well...

[ She shrugs half-heartedly -- she doesn't want to do that, she doesn't want to cause pain, she's a lost cause anyway, she doesn't want to think maybe she was wrong for getting together with Teddie... ]

Look, furget it. [ She crunches down on another Pocky stick. ]

If you say so.

Hey, what is that you're eating. Is it some kind of cookie? [Subject change? He knows not to press these kind of things. That kind of thinking has to be thought through on ones own, and with people one knows better.]