mylittlejamjar | Text - Private to Shinjiro

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Text - Private to Shinjiro

[She doesn't mean to take so long, but she's a unicorn of limited resources than usual, and constantly doing multiple things. However, she knows how to work the scroll better because of this activity. Speaking of practiced use, there's someone she needs to call upon]

Shinjiro, it's done, and I need to have a word with you. I'd prefer you come to my room as soon as possible. I'm located in the Commune, you can't miss the name plate.

Also, bring your pills.

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[There is no text back, but there is a knock at her door in the early evening.]

[She doesn't bother checking. She only called one pony here... and opening the door, she immediately steps aside for him.]

Come in.

[He looks over his shoulder cautiously before entering, not wasting much time so that she can shut the door.]

Hey.

[He doesn't have to worry. She shuts the door almost immediately after he comes in.]

Hello. Did you bring them?

[He reaches into his coat pocket and holds the bottle out to her, depleted further than the last time she saw it.

Did she need more for her tests...?]

[Taking the bottle, Naomi looks at it. Whatever he was expecting, she wonders if he was expecting to see them go into her garbage can.]

That's done.

[He watches her take them...and toss them into the trash. His heart sinks into his chest as the bottle makes a 'thunk' in the bottom of the bin. He knew they were dangerous, that they were killing him...

...And yet he was so dependent on them.]

...!?

So, yes. I finished researching them, and I can't allow you to keep taking them.

[He lowers his head towards the floor and looks away, not sure what to do with himself.]

So...

[He took a hesitant step towards the trash, but brought his hoof back.

What did she have planned? Did she have something planned?]

These pills are designed to intentionally interrupt a number of your body's processes, mental mostly, but they've also begun affecting your physically. Your brain will die if your body doesn't deteriorate first.

[She turns on him, scowling.]

You need to come to terms with yourself. I can't completely repair what damage has been done, but I can fix some of it.

[Come to terms with himself? He scowls as well, though he can't bring himself to look her in the eyes just yet. It would be okay if he died here, wouldn't it? He died back home. He was accepting of death. But maybe the rest of his mind couldn't get to him. Remind him about Ken. Remind him that he atoned, though through the ultimate means. Remind him that there was a life to live. And here in Ponyville, a darkness to deal with.

Briefly, part of his mind tells him that could all be bullshit. Can he trust the past told to him to be true? Did it matter?

He doesn't know what to do. Aside from stamp his hoof softly.]

[She's waiting for him to say something, but he seems to be at a loss just like her. Pacing for a moment, she frowns, but then, sighs.]

... Death isn't atonement, you know.

Shinjiro...lays down on the floor. If he could make a fist, he would have.

Maybe he could...grab them back out of the can. Give himself a few more days of peace? He doesn't move, but fixates on the wastebasket.]

I can't kill more people...

[She steps in front of the waste bin, not really realizing he's looking towards it.]

You can't keep running away from everyone though. It's not the answer either.

Then what's the answer?

[Damn it. Seeing her step in front of it and treating it like the garbage it was -- and it was garbage, he knew that -- jolts a little sense into him.

How could he atone?]

He's not here. I did what I could for'im...

[Maybe it wasn't enough. Enough for Ken maybe, but not enough for himself to accept.]

That's right. You did what you could for him...

Now it's time to stop giving up on life. Do you really think these pills are your only option?

Those pills make sure nobody gets hurt.

[He slowly stands back up. This is stressful, but laying around and stewing is childish.]

You said you could fix some things?

[Maybe she learned something about the magic here that would help? He was curious, but not hopeful.]

... Yes.

[Walking over to her table, she opens a drawer, and takes out another bottle.]

These. Again, they can't cure everything, but what was suppressed besides your power will come out again. Considering that, only begin taking them when you're ready.

[A new pill. He was extremely curious of what they would bring out. He couldn't tell what else was suppressed besides Castor. All the feelings and emotions held back were forgotten, released in very restricted means. Small smiles, brief blushes, a scowl.

He was afraid, though it didn't show. He finally found the nerve to look at Naomi again. She'd done a lot for him. He understood that, but couldn't show his gratitude, even though he wasn't able to properly handle the loss of his suppressants.]

...Do you think I'm ready?

[Why was he asking her about this? Perhaps mainly because she would give him honesty in her answer, and provide some guidance on where to begin. She probably doesn't have much beyond that to say.]

... Not yet. There's still something inside you that you seem to be fighting, a truth that you're having difficulty accepting. What that truth is though, I can't say. It may be wise to try talking to others, even a few people who might be able to help you retain control since that's what concerns you immediately.

I don't know much about Personas beyond what I've seen before and am learning here. You may want to speak to those who have them as well.

[If anything, having the bottle of pills just to hold would help a little. Knowing they would do the opposite of what the suppressants did, though, scared him.]

...Alright.

[It would be hard. But with Naomi here or not, the pills would have run out eventually. He had to face the music sooner or later.

He wasn't the type to seek out help. But he did to Naomi, and he took a step forward. A painful step, but a step.]

[She nods, glad that he would try making some changes. It probably isn't much, but she's already tired of seeing teenagers destroy themselves here. For a world of technicolored ponies, things were much worse than they appeared.]

... If you have trouble, come talk to me. Trying to seek atonement isn't something I'm unfamiliar with.

[He nods, stuffing the new pills in the place of the old ones. She probably saved him from dying here. Who knows what kind of trouble that would have done. He pushes and holds open the door with his hoof, looking out at the hallway.]

...Thank you.

You're welcome... I'll talk to you later, Shinjiro.

[Not that she expects him back soon, but they were effectively in the same building. They might just exchange 'hello' tomorrow and that would be it.]

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