HOOVESWEEK 4

[ponymeisters]

[Morning, Equestrians! It’s that time again, and the newsponies have a new, fresh stock of Equestria's most-read magazine!]




Earthquakes ruining perfectly poised soufflés baked across the lands of Equestria, pirate pillow fights, vicious cockatrice statues that turn ponies to stone, and a changeling therapist in Ponyville? Hold onto your horseshoes, ponies, because this edition of Hoovesweek is packed full of juicy scandal, eye-witness testimony, and the most important information you’ll read today!

Other Top Stories Include:
Title: It Starts With an Earthquake: Running of the Leaves Excitement!
by Whinny Bruce (Editor’s Note: Mr. Bruce is not afraid. Despite being seismophobic.)

Title: Celestia’s Old Shame: The Bertha Origin Story
by Fair N. Balanced

Title: Doctor, Doctor! Ponies Reign Triumphant Over Cockatrice Threat!
by Keith Olbercolt

Title: Twilight Sparkle: A Tale of Two Mares
by Lesley Stall


BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE:

-A report on the strange message that appeared at the end of the Running of the Leaves. What horrors await on Nightmare Night and who is 'her'? Nightmare Moon?! The author offers their wild speculations.
-Profiles for each of the top three racers in the Running of the Leaves. Unfortunately, the author seems to have honed in on the negatives, focusing on Nephenee’s ‘unintelligible’ accent, Pollo’s blank flank, and Reginald Jeeves’ apparent connection to one Bertram Wooster, the stallion who broke Fluttershy’s heart at the Sweet Apple Acres hoedown. The author suggests Mr. Jeeves may be the reason for that nasty break-up.
-An eye witness account from a Very Grateful Ice Creamer of the Wondrous Bolt rescuing a foal from a run-away apple cart and taking them out for ice cream after. And saving the ice cream stand from bankruptcy. It would seem the mysterious heroine is actually a hero! And he’s been named accordingly. Thank you, Wondrous Bolt! Thank you!
-A further report on the disappearance of needed rainclouds. The problem seems to be spreading to Baltimare and Hollow Shades now, with local authorities stumped.
-An op-ed of the fabulous Rarity’s fall and winter line-up. The reviewer has favorable commentary on the fashions, but seems to focus an awful lot on the designer's ‘captivity’ with Zetta and what that might mean for her reputation.
-A gossip report on one of the new ponies, a Gentarou Kisaragi, bursting into rainbows when in the presence of a honey-colored pony. Speculation is rampant on just how likely it is a pony can be talked to death. Also, was that a dragon kissing her?
-An eye-witness account of one pony who saw the changeling ‘therapist,’ Hain, gorging himself on emotion. They’ve never seen something so vile! It’s an outrage, the princesses letting his sort run free. At least that’s what the witness thinks. The author is surprisingly balanced, mentioning several other ponies who have expressed appreciation for the changeling’s advice.
-In entertainment and foaleign news, the latest pop sensation out of Japonī, FOALMETAL, are coming to Equestria for a five month tour. They will be hitting up concert venues from Fillydelphia to Tall Tales, so be sure to check your local ticket seller for dates!
-An interview on Discord by...Discord, detailing an extraordinary aerial pillow fight. It devolves rather quickly into arguing about which Discord won the fight. (Editor’s note: We don’t know how this keeps getting in. We’ve given up trying to get rid of it.)

So come one, come all, and read HOOVESWEEK! Only 5 bits a copy - now and forever!

((OOC: As usual, feel free to react, or comment on those stories, or even make up seeing others in this issue!

Original picture credit is here.))