1st Revenge [Visual]

[angry_jerk]

[Today on the scroll network, the pony community may get the distinct honor of meeting this lovely batpony. The one glaring at the feed.]

Alright, here's how this is gonna work. Whoever is in charge of this vacuous collection of depravity, send me home immediately. Even if you do not, I will be merciful and choose to simply OBLITERATE this asinine carouse of deceit!

If you heed my words and don't try to bilk me of my safe return, I will try and forget that I have been kidnapped against my will, transformed into this abomination, dropped off in some candy coated sinkhole, with-

[He pauses mid-rant.]

On second thought, SCREW THE DEAL! I'LL ERADICATE WHATEVER MALEVOLENT JERKWAD THAT THINKS IT CAN STULIFY ME BY TURNING ME INTO A HORSE! I'll PURVERIZE YOU! I’LL EVISCERATE YOU! I'LL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!

[He finally stops to take a deep breath.]

...So, get back to me when you get this.

...I'm Dan.

Comments

[visual]

[honeycombing]

. . .

[visual]

[angry_jerk]

[Oh. That was quick. He blinks a little and his wings sort of twitch a bit.

Doesn't look dangerous, but the whole pony universe thing might mean they're more deadly that they appear. Especially if this thing's the ruler.]

...So, should I start eviscerating you right away, or...?

[hangthedj]

[Grinning. Just... grinning.]

Oh, you're just a big ol' bucket'a cheer, ain't ya?

[angry_jerk]

Your face is a stupid, big, dumb, bucket of cheer!

[tinkertytonk]

[A pegasus with a furrowed brow is gazing sternly at the batpony.]

Steady on, old boy. Princess Celestia hasn't got anything to do with bringing you here. And you really oughtn't go around threatening ponies. It's just not on.

[hangthedj]

Oh! Hostile. I can feel the hostility.

Dan, my man, I can tell you're gonna be makin' a lotta friends around here.

[angry_jerk]

Oh joy. The British.

I'll decide for myself what I think your "innocent" monarch's involvement in this nonsense is!

And don't you tell me how to carry on with my business, you snooty half-wit!

[angry_jerk]

Really? I was starting to doubt you could hear anything through your idiot ears.

I am not your man, your buddy, whatever! I'm my own man! Plus, I don't even know you! ...And you're a filthy horse!

[hangthedj]

Hey, I take offense to 'filthy'. I'm at least cleaner than you, guy.

[angry_jerk]

[He glares further and raises a hoof dramatically.]

I am PLENTY clean! My cleanliness is at prime capacity! You just can't tell! Because of my... dark fur... thing.

[tinkertytonk]

[Snooty half-wit is, perhaps, one of the nicer things Bertie's been called. As the fellow isn't anywhere near him, nor does Bertie really know him, his usual caution is chucked aside.]

She isn't my monarch. She's the monarch here, though, along with Princess Luna and a few other beazels who've got a nose for royalty. Do you really think carrying on like a common miscreant is going to do anything? My dear Dan, who do you think you are?

[hangthedj]

Your coat. Long as you're here, ya might as well learn the lingo.

Wouldn't be too sure 'bout that, anyway. Can almost smell you through the scroll, dude.

[angry_jerk]

MISCREANT?! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MISCREANT, YOU HAUGHTY STAIN OF HUMANITY?!

Me?! I'm the guy who finds people who don't mind their own business and smashes their tendons with a hammer!

[angry_jerk]

I'll smell your rotting corpse through this stupid thing and SMASH YOU WITH YOUR PRECIOUS LINGO!

[hangthedj]

Y'know none of that makes any sense, right? And that's comin' from me, of all ponies.

If you're gonna threaten me, at least make it sound cool.

[visual]

[honeycombing]

That's not very nice. You shouldn't be threatening ponies like that Especially when they don't know how they do here either.

[tinkertytonk]

[This chap is beginning to remind him very much of Tuppy Glossop in a fit of pique. Tuppy... who could reasonably strangle a fellow if he caught hold of him while in said f. of p. Bertie backpedals a bit.]

Er... now look here. I said you were carrying on like a miscreant, not that you were one, old fruit. No need to lay it on so thick. I know it's really very odd to wind up as some sort of... horse-bat thingummy, but it's not so bad. You can fly now, probably! Have you tried?

[polyturtle]

[Oh, no. No. You don't get to threaten ponies like that.]

You're gonna have to go through me first before you can even touch Bertie.

[angry_jerk]

[His eye twitches a bit and he has a little micro-spasm.]

I... WILL... COOL YOUR FLESH IN DRY ICE BEFORE SENDING YOU DOWN THE RIVER.

[visual]

[angry_jerk]

[Hmmm. Very serious leader. Or Princess, whatever that British dolt said.]

I have freedom to do WHATEVER I LIKE WHENEVER I LIKE!

So there.

[angry_jerk]

Back off, greenie. This is between me and the ignorant squanderer of politeness.

[angry_jerk]

...I have not done that thing.

[hangthedj]

Man, are you always like this? 'Cause I think I may have to rethink our relationship if that's th'case.

I mean, it seems super exhausting.

[angry_jerk]

You know what's exhausting? Dealing with idiots who can't shut their horsey mouths.

Try doing that. Or dying. Either way.

[polyturtle]

You haven't exactly been giving off polite vibes yourself.