Eight Cupcakes: She Who Must Not Be Named

[sailorlaughter]

Hey, everyone! Guess what?

I'm big again! [Confetti flies from the sides of the scroll, to the sound of air horns.]

Yeeeeeah, being a filly's cool and all, but I like being this age WAY better! I've got my cutie mark, and I can throw parties whenever I want, and I actually remember who all of you are!

Anyway, y'know how I kinda-sorta brought Nemo back to life a little while ago? I was thinking about what he said, with the Pale Pony having all kinds of different names and stuff, and I had an idea! We should give her a new name! 'Cause she sounds like a really really biiiiiiig meaniehead, and Pale Pony's a really really cool name! And sorta scary! So if we give her a different name and make it a funny one, we can all just laugh at her instead and she won't be cool anymore!

So, does anyone have any ideas? I'll start! How abouuuuuuut...Gypsum A la Nastier? Chalk Bottom? Salt Peter?

Comments

Voice (driveby tagging, will respond more tomorrow)

[mechmadeoflove]

[He's not going to bother asking about the resurrection; this is the land of pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows. It's magic, they don't have to explain manure. But that other part...]

The Pale Pony, miss?

[visual]

[elementofloyalty]

I've been calling her Owl Eyes, 'cuz that's the power she has.

[Visual]

[robotfightclub]

Pretty sure that's not how it works.

[As much as she loves nicknames.]

Who's this 'Pale Pony' anyway?

[Audio]

[surpriserainbows]

Hey, you know....maybe we shouldn't antagonize the god-like Pony! And...I mean it's not like "The Pale Pony" isn't a terrifying name! And besides we should still be polite you know! It's just the courtious thing to do!

[sailorlaughter]

Yep! She makes bad things happen to the ponies who disappear! Hey, are you new?

[visual]

[sailorlaughter]

Ooooh, that's a good one! Still maybe a little scary, unless you're talking about one of those cute little owls? Have you seen those? They're adorable!

[Visual]

[sailorlaughter]

She's this alicorn lady. I think Princess Celestia said she was in charge of dead ponies, but we KNOW she's been doing bad things to the ponies who vanish from here! And she might be bringing us here, I dunno.

[sailorlaughter]

I dunno! We all had lots of fun with Black Snooty! That was TOTALLY one of my better ones -

- oh hey! Where are you right now?

[mechmadeoflove]

Very. 'm Lieutenant Joshua Preston. [No Josh, you aren't a Lieutenant here. Yet.]

[Where has he heard that voice before?]

Are you a miss or a ma'am? [Short pause.] Or a sir? And what's yer name? Sorry, I'm just not sure how to be polite yet.

[sailorlaughter]

I'm Pinkie Pie! I think I'm a miss - ma'am is if you're married, right? 'Cause I'm totally not married. Rarity says I'm not always all that good at being polite either, so it's fine!

[mechmadeoflove]

...Pinkie Pie. Of course. S'a pleasure.

[He means that. The lineface is more about hearing that something is rotten in the state of Canterlot.]

So, uh, you got any more intel on Bleachy the White-Nosed Plothole? [He meant to say something a lot more insulting than 'plothole,' but... yeah. Equestria.] Known associates, patterns of attack, crap like that?

[surpriserainbows]

Oh. Uh. I'm at my booth.

Why?

[bluesuit_hoofy]

Chalk Bottom's good, but what would you say to The Bleached Bronco?

[forwantofapartycannon]

Oooohh oooh! Stoney McAlabaster! Or or maybe RockSalt Lick!

[sailorlaughter]

Wellllll, Nemo says that whenever anypony who comes here in the rainbows goes away again, they end up with her. And she's got Owl Eyes that can mind-control them! So when the statue ponies come here, if they're doing bad things it's probably not really their fault.

[sailorlaughter]

'Cause! I'm bringing you a Welcome Back Cupcake! Those're even MORE important than Welcome Cupcakes, y'know?

[And she's gone. Please hold.]

[mechmadeoflove]

Oh, that's just fantastic. Psychic subversion. That's buckin' peachy.

[He's heard horror stories about the more spectacular Bliss-Outs.]

Statue ponies. Okay. Statue ponies, what are those? Strengths, weaknesses, ways to secure and contain? Sorry, this was kind of my job back home.

[sailorlaughter]

That's how the dead ponies and rainbowed ponies come back here! They're made out of gypsum alabaster, which falls apart REALLY fast in water, so I guess if you needed to you could get them wet. I mean, they don't usually stay very long anyway, then they blow up in rainbows and the ponies go away again, so it doesn't HURT them when the statues get broken.

[Visual]

[robotfightclub]

Oh good, I was wondering who to direct my rage at. Can't wait to meet her.

[mechmadeoflove]

Water. Huh. And it doesn't harm them. Any known downsides?

And one more thing - does this look at all familiar?

(He holds up a thin silver circlet that - actually, it looks a hell of a lot like the crown containing the Element of Magic, but it's much less ornate and has a hexagonal diamond surrounded by small triangles instead of a big purple star.)

Sorry. I just figure as long as I'm here, I may get on defense duty.

[sailorlaughter]

Ooooh! That's pretty good!

[sailorlaughter]

I dunno. You'd probably need a LOT of water to dissolve just one. It's not like just splashing it on them.

...is it an Element of Harmony?

[sailorlaughter]

Rock Candyson! Rocky Road! Saline Solution!

[Visual]

[sailorlaughter]

We've never seen her yet! At least, I'm pretty sure we haven't! But I'm sure we will!

[mechmadeoflove]

[Josh is familiar enough with the show Equestria from boredom + his not-a-girlfriend + movie night to know what the Elements of Harmony are - and his eyes go wide]

God, I hope not. Like, seriously, if it is something has gone really seriously wrong. We didn't HAVE those back home.

[Wait, Josh - aren't the Elements weaponized intimacy emmitters? Doesn't that remind you of anything?]

...I don't think we had them on my world, anyway. I. Uh. Huh.