mylittlejamjar | Eleven Cupcakes: Party Planning

Hey guys!

So, I just wanted to tell you all about this REALLY GREAT idea I had! It's called the Special Somepony Summit! You all know about Hearts and Hooves Day, right? It's pretty much like Valentine's Day, except here and for ponies! And now for YOU!

Anyway, the Special Somepony Summit is gonna be like the Sisterhooves Social, only for couples! You show up and you're on a team, and you play games with other teams to win a trophy! And don't worry, you can just show up with a friend if you're single! I would TOTALLY do it with one of my friends, but I'm gonna be judging since I set it all up!

Ooooh, ooooh, also! We're gonna try to debut some new love-flavored treats for the holidays! Me and my intern Stacy -

[A changeling leans in from offscreen.] Actually...I kinda changed my mind about the name. I wanna be Black Thunder now!

Oh! Well, me and Black Thunder have been experimenting, and we're TOTALLY close to getting the right taste down! I mean, I guess it's not really a taste taste...but it's close, right?

Oh, totally! Hey...do you think Black Thunder's really me?

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[Blink. Blink.]

Well, I know they aren't for everyone, old fruit, but they're hardly as bad as all that.

[He can't help it; he smirks a little. Just a little, and then quickly suppresses the amusement again.]

Yeah, uh...you remember how we talked about words changin'? [Please see where he's going with this and don't make him tell you what an orgy is. Harvey's frankly not even sure you've had the Talk yet, and that is not his job.]

[There's a pause. It's probably easy enough to see the wheels turning in Bertie's head, then-]

Oh, Luna! 'Orgy' means, it-it means 'homosexual' now, too? Good Celestia in her castle, what next?

[...siiiiiiiigh, he can't just leave that one there, can he? The kid freaked out enough when he realized he'd been using the word "gay" everywhere.]

No, no, it means somethin' else. Just - don't invite anybody to one. They might get the wrong idea.

[Now Bertie's back to looking confused. Said confusion is much deeper this time.]

W-what wrong idea? What did I just say to everyone? [Is it something even more crass than he'd imagined?]

It's - look -

[Harvey sighs and rubs a hoof over his temples.]

I'm sure they all know you didn't mean anything by it. [Not like Bertie's the type.]

Harvey! [Now he's starting to get seriously worried.] Wh... is it offensive? Who have I got to apologize to?

Don't apologize to anyone, it ain't your fault.

[Conspicuously still trying to avoid an actual definition? Yes. Oh yes.]

[It's too late now, Harvey. Much too late. Bertie's talked to Yukiko and Gwen now. His face is red, which is pretty impressive for someone with fur, and he can't look the other stallion in the eyes.]

Harvey, I need to know every word that means something, s-something unspeakable right now. Oh, Celestia...!

[Harvey opens his mouth. Shuts it again. Thinks a moment.]

Everything...?

[Bertie, honey, that is a lot of slang. He's not even sure he knows what the kids are saying these days himself.]

Everything! Harvey, I just told everyone I want Pinkie to have some kind of-of... [He can only wave his forelegs before covering his face with them.]

No one really thinks that. Especially not Pinkie. It's fine.

...look, how about you just start with things you'd normally say, and we can kinda work our way back from there?

Well, I can't know everything that I'm going to say before I've said it! [Really, Harvey, that's just silly.] I suppose 'sausage' must mean something horrible the way Ms. Gwen was carrying on about them?

Are there no sausages in the future, Harvey? [He may be edging into the overly dramatic, but dash it, this is horrible.]

[As silly as expecting HIM to list off every possible innuendo? Bertie, it would take all week.]

Sausages? No, we've still got sausages. I mean, sometimes people say that to mean...wait, what's that girl sayin' to you?

[Excuse him while he goes to check on some other conversations.]

We were just talking about the food for Pinkie's party, but-but she said to that other girl that it was all some sort of joke?

[He doesn't understand, Harvey. It's just food!]

[Siiiiiigh]

She's just messin' with you, kid. Pretty much anythin' can sound dirty if you try hard enough.

[Not that sausages are really trying. He just can't believe yet that there's a possibility he might have to actually explain that. It ain't a far reach!]

[Bertie covers his face again for a moment.]

Why do ponies do that? I wasn't even trying to be crass. I just wanted to wish Pinkie the best with her party.

I'm sure she didn't mean anythin' by it. Probably thought you'd think it was funny, too.

[Bertie is familiar with people who find those sorts of things funny. He tries to avoid them at the club, or at least steer the conversation away from such things.]

I-I think I'm just going to go lie down for a bit. [And smother himself with a pillow. He won't need Harvey's assistance with slang if he just never gets up or speaks again.] Sorry for the trouble.

It's fine. Hey, don't feel too bad about it. People'll forget about it by the end of the week.

[They'll never forget, Harvey. And he'll suffer forever. Bertie doesn't actually say this as even he has some sense of how overwrought that will sound.]

Right-o...

[He rolls up the scroll after offering a half-hearted smile.

[Luna damn it, Bertie. You're like a puppy that kicks itself.]

Eleven Cupcakes: Party Planning

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