10th E-Book: The Crippling Shame of Reflection [Visual]

[magicalrealist]

(Twilight's face is a bright red with half of it hidden behind a hoof. It takes her some time to find the composure to actually speak after that cripplingly incriminating post, but after some time, she speaks up. Her displeasure is suppressed and her tone is flat.)

I just want to make one thing clear: I'm not attempting to gain sympathy here. There's no sympathy to be gained from this. All I'm doing is explaining myself.

(She sighs.)

Yes, I do feel uncomfortable around changelings. Yes, it's racism and yes, I'm aware of it. I know that racism is unacceptable, but it's a part of me I haven't fully worked out yet. Simply put: all of my previous interactions with changelings were less than preferable.

There was the royal wedding, of course. The marriage of Cadence and Shining Armor, my now sister-in-law and my brother. The first invasion happened, it was repelled, the marriage was saved and it ended at that...for everyone but me. Mayfield made me see...experience an alternate ending to that day. An ending where Chrysalis won. Everyone I knew and loved died. Equestria was falling apart and even the changelings were dying off. Nobody won in that future; try as I did, everything lead to failure. It all died with a whimper. The logical conclusion would've been to direct my emotions solely at Chrysalis...but it's not easy being logical when you see the world around you literally fall apart.

So naturally, current events left me incredibly uncomfortable.

I'm not going to deny what's there. I want to work it out of my system, but until then, that's what I have to deal with. To all changelings listening in, I apologize for my negative behavior. It in no way represents Equestria's outlook on interspecies relationships; only mine. Hain, consider this an official apology on behalf of Andrew and myself. To everyone else...I apologize.

(Twilight refrains from mentioning Chrysalis any more than she needs to, for risk of enraging herself and worsening everyone else's opinion of her. She rolls up her scroll after her message ends.)

Comments

[Action/Private]

[forwantofapartycannon]

It's not long after Twilight had said her piece than there was a rumbling at the sock drawer. It shook and bounced for a moment, and then the drawer slid open --

-- only to have Pinkie pop out of her pillow.] Whoop, I totally missed my mark!

Hi Twilight. Did you want to talk? I brought cookies this time, which is talking about feelings and ugly things like racism things food.

[Action/Private]

[magicalrealist]

(At the very least, Twi's mostly used to Pinkie's antics by now. She's not jumping up anymore, at least! Still quickly turning around, but it's progress.)

I'm not sure what there is to talk about, but...sure. If you wouldn't mind, anyway.

[ponycure_dream]

...oh, Twilight.

[She's still steamed at Andrew's blatant racism, but she had no idea what MayTwi went through. She must have not been there prior to this.]

...it makes things understandable, but it doesn't make up for what Andrew said. There's being uncomfortable and then there's the insults...

[magicalrealist]

(AUField was particularly bad, Nozomi. You're better off not being there.)

Let's be fair here; the insults happen after struck with enough paranoia. He just reached his limit. Besides, there's nothing saying I can't hit my boiling point, either.

[Voice]

[pseudacteon_emigre]

Chrysalis was a violent warlord who thought of nothing but conquest. Her lust for power was her strength, but also her greatest flaw. Her pride and greed were lethal to pony and changeling alike.

[Suddenly Private]
Tell me - from what I've heard, Mayfield was a computer simulation, yes? Meaning you were a single program in a larger picture, meant to fulfill a task?

[Voice/Private]

[magicalrealist]

I was unwittingly given the role of Twilight Sparkle, yes. I was supposed to live my life as her in a...less than tolerable town. It's only after I found out I was a single program in a larger, faulty picture that I started falling apart.

[text/private]

[soulofblue]

[Pollo's still rather upset about Andrew's outburst. Racism tends to hit a bit of an odd chord with him, being an ex-genocidal racist himself. Besides, if Chrysalis doesn't deserve to be here, he certainly doesn't.]

Well, that seems reasonable. No one could blame you for being traumatized under those circumstances, but at least you recognize and are trying to work through it.

...I think this is typically the point where one would suggest therapy, but I don't think I believe in it to begin with.

[And of course it goes without saying that we all know who the only therapist around here is.]

[text/private]

[magicalrealist]

(And that isn't exactly the best option for her right now.)

Therapy is capable of healing, but I don't know how successful it is with treating racism.

Besides, Hain is dealing with enough racism issues right now; I'd rather not add to that.

[marearcana]

[Really she wants to hug you right now, facetwin. No pony deserves that.]

...Thank you. [For what, is obvious.]

I can only imagine how hard that must have been...

[...and can only hope that the ex-queen will learn from this.]

[magicalrealist]

It was crippling, yet strangely empowering all at once. You see how bad things can be so you can better avoid it. Those images never truly leave; they forever exist as a reminder of what could be.

...Rather, what could've been. You did well, Twilight.

[handsoffmysprite]

*Hex is in her Changeling form for this. She doesn't entirely like the way it looks, but...it just feels right for what she wants to say. And she's a firm believer in following her emotions.*

Well then, it just sounds like you need some better experiences~

[magicalrealist]

(Ah yes, the new changeling queen. Twilight refrained from responding to her in fear of saying the wrong things, but now that she's laid herself bare...again...conversation with Hex is much more possible.)

I'd certainly say so...but I'd understand if I've put off every changeling in town.

[Text/Private]

[noxequus]

This was the first step to overcoming those visions - to acknowledge that your fear is of Chrysalis, merely extended to all her subjects. The pain and the shame will not last, of that I am certain.

I had only wished this would have come about in a less brutal manner. I had been remiss, and in the cruelest of ironies, it was with the dreams of those with whom you spoke I found myself occupied with.

If you desire to talk, you know you need merely inquire. I know what it is like to grow to hate based on illusions you have believed far too strongly.

[Text/Private]

[magicalrealist]

Thank you, Luna.

Actually, I wanted to ask you about that. if you have the time, of course.

[action]

[queenbees]

[After a while, there might be a light knock on the door. When Twilight answers, she will find that nopony is there...

...but there is a jar of honey with a note on it.

'its ok -Melissa\

P.S. happy early hearts and hooves?'

Its quite delicious!]

[action]

[magicalrealist]

(She looks confused for a moment when no one is standing at her doorstep, but smiles as she picks up the honey and the attached note. Melissa understood the changeling tension around Twilight before she announced it to the world.

Once she took the honey inside, Twilight scribbled a quick "thank you" to Melissa. She then decided to sample a little of the honey, just a dab of her hoof and a quick lick and a yummy sound. The honey's as good as it always was.)

[visual/private]

[elementofloyalty]

You of all ponies...

I am so disappointed in you I don't even know what to say, Twilight.

[visual/private]

[magicalrealist]

You can belittle me for it. You can call me a hypocrite, too. You have plenty of options.

[Visual/Private]

[nekomikoreimu]

I see no issue about how you feel about these creatures. I myself don't trust them at all and it's a good thing you think ill of them.

[Visual/Private]

[magicalrealist]

How is that a good thing? Judging an entire species like that is terrible.

[visual/private]

[polyturtle]

...If it makes you feel any better, I do understand the whole...ruined future thing.

[visual/private]

[magicalrealist]

You've dealt with a few yourself?

[Action]

[songoficeandfire]

[And this is something one doesn't see everyday: a changeling coming up to the commune on its own. Not just any changeling: if one could recognize the little cabbie hat and scarf, they would know that this was Noble Steed. But why was he coming over after hearing something like what Twilight and Andrew said?

Maybe it was because after spending time with Yukiko, the changeling learned a few things not involving the phrase 'knocking boots' (she still won't call his cab that even!). And in its mouth was some kind of heart shaped symbol thing, a little peace offering.

Ok, he doesn't know how to use scissors still but it's the thought that counts. Heads up Twilight!]

[Action]

[magicalrealist]

(Twilight felt too ashamed of herself to go outside again. Not right now, anyway; she may have earned a few points for being honest, but she probably set off a few people who probably didn't want to see her for a while. That didn't stop her from glancing out her window, though, and when she did? She froze up.

A lone changeling. Yukiko's friend -- Noble Steed, right? -- holding a heart-shaped cutout. It was even colored in and everything. Even his eyes, as vacant as changeling eyes tended to be, seemed so full of emotion. It was heartwarming, to say the least.

Twilight winked out of her room and in front of the changeling, a warm smile glued to her face, even as she embraces the cabbie with a hug. Sudden? Very. Sincere? He could probably tell.)

[Visual]

[weekwizard]

Given your situation, the sentiment is understandable, I suppose. At the least, you handled it much better than the oaf earlier.

[Visual]

[magicalrealist]

Andrew was provoked by Chrysalis; that's why he reacted as he did. That doesn't excuse what he said, but what's to say I wouldn't have lashed out like that if I panicked as he did?

visual

[foalyfight]

I don't really know what's going on, and I don't really know who you are, either, but...

It was very brave of you to come out and say this. And if you can come out and apologize like this to everyone, I'm sure it means that you can work through this, too!

visual

[magicalrealist]

Thank you; it helps me feel better to hear you say that.

I know it's not an easily forgivable subject, but the least I can do is make up for it however I can.