mylittlejamjar | Twelfth Bolt (Visual)

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Twelfth Bolt (Visual)

*The background of this post is definitely Alastor's castle, but all that's visible in the shot is a strange creature that's oddly blood colored. Hanging around its neck is a sign that reads in type-printed font,

Hi, I'm one of Alastor's bloodgoyles.
I'm harmless, please do not shoot me.
(Ps. Blood given willingly.)

It waves a claw at the screen, gives a brief screech like a predatory bird, and the feed cuts out. So yeah, that's a thing.*

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Hey, I didn't name it.

And it's strange...the villain isn't from any film I know of. He just showed up after Jadow was disbanded and started trying to ruin the endings of every movie he got into.

Maybe he got left on the cutting room floor and got jealous of all of the other movies being produced without him. [Said without a scrap of context.]

*Snort.*

Maybe, it is possible that he's from a movie that was never released that I haven't encountered in person before. That would definitely be the less unsettling possibility.

Another Alan Smithee project, no doubt.

What's the guy like, anyway?

Oh, you know, typical over the top evil overlord. Calls himself the Black Emperor and dresses like a shogun in black armor. Wants to rule the world, erase hope, blah blah blah.

That's not even all that original of a name. No wonder he got canned.

But for a guy ripping off pretty much every B-movie ever, he's actually a pretty serious threat. There've been a lot more near misses for the heroes with him than there ever were with Jadow.

Sounds like it'd be an interesting meta-plot to a series of movies where I'm from. Must be interesting to be the one forced to live it out.

What's this "Jadow" you keep mentioning? Some kind of non-specific version of "Shadow"?

It's never a dull moment, I'll say that much.

Jadow is the name of the evil organization I used to work with. The hero took down our Almighty Leader a little while back, after I handed i a rather last minute resignation, and the Black Emperor popped up right after that to found Gedow. And whaddya know, I'm pretty sure I'm the only ex-Jadow that didn't sign up.

Forming "Gedow" right after "Jadow"... again, not a whole lot of creativity in this guy's arsenal. Must have been a mockbuster team backing him up.

Ah, so you're the "reformed villain", then? The once rival that changed sides to defeat the bigger bad?

Still rival, actually. I just decided that evil waaaasn't really my thing. I'm not actually on the hero's team, but I help him out every now and then when he's in over his head.

Ah, gotcha. Just waiting in the wings to see if the protagonist screws up.

... who is the protagonist in all of these movies, then, if it's not you?

A guy called Viewtiful Joe. He's actually from the real world, but he keeps it low key enough that I haven't been worried about it. Not too bright but his heart's in the right place and he knows how to handle himself in a fight.

Sounds like your standard hero protagonist, then. I dunno, it sounds like your movies would be interesting to watch on their own. Would you consider adding them to the festival lineup, if you've got them around?

Sure. I've been watching them with a few friends, anyway. Though I have them as a TV series on film, not a proper movie.

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