5th Mission: Roll Call [Visual]

[strawberryredgrave]

(Today, the scrolls are showing off a particularly jovial red dragon, who wastes no time in letting the listeners in on his antics.)

So! There've been a few new faces around town lately...some of 'em I knew from home. Some of 'em I just kinda know anyway. So I figure I might as well introduce 'em, since they're not really the types to do it themselves.

(Dante reaches offscreen and pulls in a familiar batpony, who seemed in the middle of something else, as hinted at by the bucket of popcorn in his hooves.)

This guy's been around for a while already, but in case you don't know, this is Alastor. Lightning demon and hell of a swordsman. We were partners for a little bit, but he wanted to go out and do his own thing and look at how well he turned out.

(Alastor slowly turns his head towards Dante, the glow of his eyes sliding over to shoot the dragon an annoyed glance that's only visible to the viewers. Rather than comment, he dumps his popcorn on Dante.)

We've been getting along, since. Moving on!

(Alastor is shoved offscreen and is accompanied by slapstick sound effects before Dante reaches over to the other side, this time showing off a red unicorn with a strawberry sundae in her hooves.)

This here's Dante! Sort of.

What the Hell, asshole?!

Don't let her fool you, folks. She's not just me with a different set of equipment; this one's got a fire all her own, so watch out! You know what they say about playing with fire.

...Really?

Really.

(The unicorn is also tossed to the side with equal comedic damage done to the offscreen scenery. This time, Dante's next guest is a blue dragon with a strong resemblance to Dante and his face in his claws.)

And last, but certainly not least...my older brother, Vergil.

...You're an idiot.

We don't always see eye to eye, but we wouldn't be brothers if we did, right? He's more the quiet type, but that doesn't mean he's always blue. Give him a little time to warm up to you and you might find something even I missed.

(Vergil gets a rougher, but more playful shove offscreen, but this one without slapstick comedy attached to it.)

So in case you see these guys around, you can rest knowing that "yeah...they're cool." That's complete with my seal of approval!

(Dante raises a fist into the air in his high spirits...only for three different swords who suddenly decide to use the dragon's chest as a pincushion: one is rippling with electricity, another is a two-handed sword and the last is a katana held by a blue, scaled hand. Dante looks down at the lethal wounds with a halfhearted shrug.)

My dysfunctional family, boys and girls.

(The impaled dragon bursts into laughter, with a choir of three other voices eventually chiming in, enjoying themselves as if Dante isn't being run through by enough blades to kill a regular person.)

Comments

[mercuryangel]

[Mia wishes her family could have been like this. Even if Alastor is technically adopted... she grew up more as a mother than a child. And even if his sister is more like just... girl him.

She also, however, knows that three swords is not nearly enough to kill a dragon, which isn't to say that she's not worried.]

Well, they're certainly lively...

[superstylishsquid]

*The electrical sword pulls itself out of Dante's chest before the batpony flies into view, bloody weapon slung over his shoulder.*

Have to be, to keep up with this idiot.

[strawberryredgrave]

It's what we do: they keep up with me. That and they get me pretty well.

(Which they do. Kind of. Maybe. One of those swords is piercing a lung, but he doesn't seem bothered at all.)

I wouldn't trade 'em for anything.

[Visual]

[theytookmypants]

[There's a definite softer look to Crmsn as he watches Dante and his family. It's replaced soon enough with laughter by the end.]

That is one high energy family. [Reminds him of home.] They're gonna come drinking with us sometime, ja? If so we'd better give the Decanter advanced notice. We might actually succeed on setting a portion of it on fire!

[Visual]

[guns_and_swords]

Why set it on fire? It's the only place to get a good drink in town!

[Visual]

[thefreedomreign]

I don't drink, but you can count me in. At the very least to keep an eye on these fools.

[And maybe because his siblings strike him as being vastly entertaining when intoxicated.]

[Visual]

[strawberryredgrave]

We should also include the warning that the only other person who can set things on fire won't do it. Vergil's not as much a stiff as Convoy was, but he's definitely not much of a drinker.

Think a designated dragon will convince 'em we'll be fine?

[Visual]

[foolish_seal]

That's quite a family. Reminds me of the girl version of me I knew.

[Visual]

[guns_and_swords]

[Hooray for unicorn magic. She's going to poof and appear on Dante's scaly head.]

If you want to get technical, I am a girl version of Dragon breath here.

[She's going to tap on his head with a hoof]

Visual

[turnbuckle]

D'aww, now you guys are making me homesick.

Visual

[superstylishsquid]

Rowdy family?

*Just casually twirling Alastor the sword...*

Visual

[strawberryredgrave]

Nothing like a little family time to get you all warmed up.

(He says while still very much impaled and perfectly fine with it.)

Visual

[nvcr]

Oh, I didn't know all of you were related!

Although I suppose that explains...well, pretty much everything I've thought about you all.

[Visual]

[thefreedomreign]

Yeah, we're just one big, happy family.

[He says as he finally pulls Yamato from his brother's chest. Unsurprisingly, he's the last to remove his weapon from the other dragon.

It's like a hug, but with knives and lungs instead of arms.]

Visual

[superstylishsquid]

Actually, I'm adopted. I just happen to be one of few full demons that thinks more like a halfbreed.

Visual

[strawberryredgrave]

See? We're not so difficult to understand! We're just...not all that typical.

(Vast understatement there, Dante.)

[forwhomthebelltolls]

Iz goot to haff family. Und de fightink doesn't look dot bad.

[Of course, Mamma has a very different idea of what's normal, but still. Family is family, and as long as the fighting isn't doing too much damage in the long run it should be fine.]

[superstylishsquid]

Definitely not as bad as it was with my biological family. After all, the only death threats so far have been joking.

[strawberryredgrave]

This family has all the fighting you can ask for and I've gotta say: no other family can compare.

[neighfeni]

...Are...ya...alright, Dante?

[On the one hoof, that would generally be kind of...lethal. On the other hoof, it's Dante.]

[guns_and_swords]

He's fine.

[So says the unicorn using her magic to hold that two-handed sword in the air.]

[visual]

[weakbutwilling]

. . .

Y-you...you...

[THANK YOU. SHE IS NOW...well, maybe not scarred, all things considered, but WHAT THE HELL]

D-demons?

[visual]

[superstylishsquid]

Demons, yeah. Don't worry, he's fine. And, while I'm at it, I should probably also mention that none of us are in the habit of eating people.

[visual]

[solequus]

...

[Yes, she knows Dante can survive impalement. No, seeing him impaled again doesn't make it any less shocking.]

...I think that at least warrants buying him dinner and some bandages for his troubles.

[visual]

[superstylishsquid]

You kidding? This was just payback for him interrupting my movie.

[Visual]

[rabbitheartedfox]

[Mani was going to wave and say hello to everyone... until the impalement happens, then she yelps and drops the scroll.]

[Visual]

[swordsage]

[Oh, dear. No one needs an angry guardian if Mani goes and hides and Skyfire can't find her...]

Mani? Mani, dear, 'tis Maebhrin. Can you hear me? Dante and his family do not do this to most people, 'tis just...their idea of horseplay. [UGH...]

No pun intended.

They are demons, or partly demons, and I am fairly certain they know not all of us could stand up to their idea of such "fun". Ponies like you and I should be safe.

[visual]

[needsteaplz]

Well...that's rather new.

[This world is definitely bringing in everyone but the kitchen sink. Demons are common in her world but thankfully it looks like they won't be the kind to cause her any alarm. The fact Dante was both unphased and not dying immediately when this world seems to downplay their natural powers means they would be tough opponents. Hopefully that won't be happening.]

[visual]

[strawberryredgrave]

(Only on request! The idiot dragon loves a good spar, but leaves his shenanigans at the level of shenanigans, otherwise.)

What, this? It's practically tradition, in this family. No Dantes were harmed in the making of this film.