mylittlejamjar | Kickoff [Video/Massive Audio later]

[A green pony with a matted down brown mop-top appears on the scroll. From the furrowed brows, flared nostrils and fierce grimace, she does not appear... pleased.]

WHAT THE TARTARUS IS GOING ON HERE!?

[Taking a step away from the scroll would probably be a good idea...]

I can't even begin to count all the things that is wrong here! I mean, at first I thought this was a dream but then when somepony actually pinched me -- WITH THEIR MOUTH NO LESS -- I knew that this was actually real. Talking ponies? And the ones with wings? EVEN ONES WITH MAGIC HORNS?? I even saw one that brought in a raincloud! IT WAS RIGHT ON TOP OF ME!!

[She takes a moment and her hoof comes up to scrub off her hair and her face.]

Alright... you know what... considering everything else I have seen before a world of talking ponies is actually not that out there. And, hey, at least my fur color is one that I'd like. Just, in this case, I hope my friends aren't here to have this happen to them.

Also, I have to ask just one question...

Why couldn't I have been one of those cool ones with the wings?

EDIT:

[A little bit later there is a shout. A glorious shout. A mighty shout. It rings to the heavens and may even be heard as far as way as The Crystal Kingdom.]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN PONIES DON'T EAT MEAT?!!!!

[Thanks, Teddie.]

EDIT: x2

[And a little bit after that there is another shout, though not quite as powerful, whatever is doing it definitely has a healthy set of lungs.]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO TV?!!

[Thanks, Rise.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Don't mind her, Yu, she's just a little... distraught.]

I see visions of pork chops flying away from me. Nono, come back delicious pork chops. Come inside my belly.

And beef skewers. And beef bowl. And yakitori. And beef rolls. And beef balls. And steak frys.

[SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB.]

[One sympathetic, non-rhyming zebra, here.]

If you can wait for me to import some, I can probably at least help with some of that...though whether or not you can stomach it as a pony, I cannot say.

Rumor says some have better success than others? I have not tried it myself, since I came here and was given hooves. [Jou shrugs.]

[She looks up, almost... delirious.]

Steak?

Meat of some sort, if you like steak, I will make it a priority!

It still may be a few weeks, though. But it is not an impossible dream? [Jou looks cautiously hopeful.]

And it will be on special at my food stall when I have it! I will make an announcement here on the scrolls!

Are you sure it's alright? I mean... it sounds like there's a rule or something about no meat.

[As much as she wants a snack, she also doesn't want anybody getting into trouble for her sake.]

It seems more like a preference thing. Most ponies here do not eat meat, and prefer to be vegetarians. Back home, I was used to eating at least some meat and fish, myself. But I have not tried to do that since I arrived, since it is hard to get, here in Ponyville.

[But that doesn't mean that Jou won't try!]

As it is, I do try to create culinary marvels that trick the senses into thinking you're having meat, if you'd care to try some? If not, I understand!

I dunno.

Back home I was a bit of a meat expert. If you're going to trick me into believing something isn't meat is, you're going to have to do something pretty extraordinary.

[Still, if she's willing to accept that challenge...]

Back home, my people were known throughout the world for their culinary expertise! [Here, Jou pauses.]

And beer. But I'm not sure you are supposed to have beer. The mayor even talked to me about serving younger ponies when I opened up my noodle shop...

But still, the name "Pandaren" was synonymous with good food and good drink, so you should come on down and try for yourself! First sample's free, always, so it isn't even like you are losing something if it doesn't live up to your challenge!

[Still, Jou is pretty sure it will. She trained under the masters in Halfhill, after all!]

"Pandaren?" A race of panda people?

Still, if you're going to make your samples free, I can always try that.

[And if it's good, you have one dedicated customer on your hands. This is a girl that was once feared to have the "appetite of a starved wolf." She would definitely fit in Pandaren society...]

You have got it! I do not know why I got turned into a zebra here, especially when there is already a bear. [If you guessed Jou has met Teddie, you're exactly right!]

Yes, first sample's free, and if you have a hard time paying, well, I have ways of getting compensation for that. I don't like turning away hungry folk!

[Yeah... her... expectations are pretty low, precisely because that's who she's using as a point of reference. Still, all this talk about deals and samples sounds reasonable.]

Well, if you're any good, I'll be more than happy to try more. I mean... I'm going to take it on faith that panda people can cook well.

[Unlike Chie and her friend Yukiko. Who's cooking can probably literally kill.]

I like to think so! [Though back on Azeroth, Pandaren are renowned for their food and brew. Most likely Chie's got nothing to worry about.

Well, except for the meat substitute being a little suspicious, but Jou takes pride in her skill.]

Come on down--my shop is the Wok'n'Roll, in the Night Market! I do not think you will be disappointed at all!

Wok'

-n'-

Roll?

That sounds completely and totally...

-Awesome!!!

After I get settled with my friends I am totally there!!

Well, I am glad someone else thinks so! [Jou is pleased, clearly not everyone was as behind the name as she was.]

I will be here! You could bring your friends too, if you think they would be interested!

I think I'll scope it out first and if it's good then I'll bring my friends.

I'm Chie, by the way.

Jou Shan Aleflower, but my friends call me Jou! I'd be honored if you did as well! It is a pleasure!

[Because she'd LIKE to be friends, whether or not Chie actually enjoyed the food. But having more admirers of Pandaren cuisine was always nice...]

I will be here, and you can do the scoping and bring them later if I pass muster! It is a good idea!

Sure thing! I know I don't look it, but I really do love to eat!

I love to cook! It is a match made by the Celestials! Come on over, and I will feed you!!

[+1 person who can decimate a buffet table, get. PERFECT!]

Kickoff [Video/Massive Audio later]

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welcome back tag brain I missed you

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