mylittlejamjar | 4th Scale

Oh no I'm trapped in someone else's body and I can't get out!

[Oh look, there's a dumb baby black and red scaled dragon in a business suit on the scrolls, pretending to cringe. Then he just smiles at the ~~camera~~ scroll.]

Hi, I'm Pokey Minch, and has this ever happened to you? I mean, yeah, I know it's happening to you right now, it was a rhetorical question. It's happened, and crap like this happens every holiday. I know. I've been there. And maybe some of you have too.

[It takes him a moment, but he's picked up the scroll and hung it on something, giving a better view of where he is. It's a cave, a relatively small one, though it may look more packed than it is with all the crap on the floor. It appears like there's a few bits here and there, maybe some gems, but most of what's on the floor looks like dumb trash: roller skates, a bent baseball bat, little origami animals, dozens and dozens of what look like pictures, though it's not like the scroll can capture any of the images on them. There's a large, ornate wooden chest too with multiple locks over it, but that's just for show. Probably.

In the middle of the 'shot' is a small wooden desk made just for his size. Pokey takes a seat at it.]

See, I've been in a place like this before. I was there for three years.

[He taps both his forefingers on the desk, as if to accent his point.]

So you know what? I'm willing to offer advice on how to deal with things like this, to everyone new to it. In fact, I'm such a nice guy, that I'm going to go ahead and give some free advice: this? Is all going to blow over in a week, at the most, so everyone shut up and stop worrying. That week thing? You can quote me on it.

Still don't believe I'm a nice guy? Guess what. Next time something like this happens, you come in and I'll give you information and advice on what's going for free. So if you don't like my service, you can tell it to take a hike. But if you do, after that? We can work on some consultation fees, and I can make sure you don't get blindsided by something like this ever again.

That still not enough? Here.

[And he reaches down behind his desk. And pulls out a bowl of chocolates.]

I even have free candy. Why don't you stop by and get some, if nothing else.

C'mon. What's more important to you? Some peace of mind, or your stupid money?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Have an blue pegasus looking quizzically toward you.]

Are those my stock...?

Edited 2014-10-27 02:11 (UTC)

Mmmhmmm.

[It takes him a moment, but it's not like it's rocket science to figure out who's talking to him at the moment out of a different body.]

Sure is. Thanks for that, by the way. If this stuff does even half of what you say this Poison Joke junk can, it'll be a riot.

Congratulations on the winged look by the way, I guess.

So, uh.

[She considers, flaring out those wings and flapping them for a moment.]

You do know that having more than a single one of those is dangerous, right? Don't use them as directed and I'll cut off your supply.

Gee whiz why don't you ban all fun?

[Still...there was a time where he would have just disobeyed out and out. Right now...]

...Yeah, just one, I get it. I'm trying to mess with people, not put them in the hospital.

Because all a total ban does is encourages disobedience and underground movements. Fun speakeasies, and the like. It's far more efficient to severely limit fun without removing it completely; that way you can slowly wean ponies off of that nasty "fun" without any problems with fun withdrawals!

[Is she trolling the troll? Maybe.]

[Yeah okay he smiles at that but before he can bounce anything off it he remembers something.]

Oh yeah. Teddie's coming down here to get some. I don't take any responsibility if he manages to get to the candy and start woofing it down before I can tell him to only take one.

[ABORT. The pegasus frazzles a bit.]

Don't let him have any! [He'd be able to tell what they were after the first one, anyway - it's not like Teddie hadn't messed with pretty much ALL of her stock over the course of his employment.]

You want me to keep Teddie from finding food? I mean I'm a master of hiding food but I doubt I'm good enough to hide it from him.

...Just... [Sigh.] If you let him know it's my stash, he'll know not to touch it, but then he might blab to others and ruin the whole effect.

[Dilemmas, dilemmas.]

If you're so worried this stuff could be dangerous, maybe you shouldn't have given it to me. Just a thought.

.....

I'll try not to let him have any, I guess. Long as it isn't too much of a hassle. I'm not the guy's friggin' babysitter.

Most ponies are sane enough to only put a single piece of candy in their mouth at a time.

My warnings were exactly because of people like Teddie. If he has too many at once, the effects won't wear off on their own. That can be dangerous, since poison joke is highly unpredictable. If something happens like him growing into a giant, or belching fire...

[Do you really want a 20-foot-tall rampaging Kyouko running through town breathing flames, Pokey.]

Edited 2014-10-28 17:41 (UTC)

[Does he want that? You'll have to give him a minute as he just stares, before his bottom lip curls up a bit and the laughter begins. It's...pretty strong laughter, since the mental image causes him to pound his little desk for a moment.

Give him just a bit to wipe his eyes and re-align himself.]

Okay, okay I ....I mean I think that could be some pretty great advertising, but yeah, yeah sure. I'll hide it from him.

[Kyouko, who is totally not Teddie, seems far too eager to answer this scroll message.]

I loooooooove free candy!!

[This isn't Teddie at all.]

[There is just the ever slightest of pauses on Pokey's end. He's quiet as he stares for a moment, then adjusts himself to put his feet on his table, arms flaccidly hanging on the rests on his chair.]

Did you seriously end up switching bodies with your girlfriend?

[He is non-plussed.]

[Found out again so soon? Desperate, Teddie thinks of the best last second defense he can think of.]

N-Noooooooooo?

[Man, he'll never be a perfect Kyouko at this rate.]

Edited 2014-10-27 03:36 (UTC)

[Just another pause then as Pokey rests his head against a little scaly knuckle.]

O-kay then, Kyouko. I guess you can just get some candy, but I guess you wouldn't be interested in all the super secrets I was going to tell Teddie.

[Ping.]

What kinda secrets?

[But it's not like he's Teddie or anything.]

All kinds of secrets.

[All the secrets, Teddie. All of them.]

[All the kinds? But...that's so many! He needs them.]

Hey hey, let's not be so hasty! You can tell me a lil something right now and I'll tell him for you.

'Cause he's sure not me.

[Pokey smirks a bit. Man Teddie, your genius sure is too much for him.]

Yeah sure but hey...meet me at my cave, alright? I mean this is important stuff. I can't just go blabbing it anywhere.

You better bearlieve I'm gonna be so there!

[It's working, his genius plan is finally working! Without hesitation, Teddie rolls up his scroll and ends the feed. He'll be there...eventually.]

Yeah you better be. Secrets like these don't just wait around.

[The cave, thankfully, is not hard to find. Partially this is because it's close to town, but mainly it's because Pokey had made up several signs reading "POKEY'S CAVE STAY OUT!" that still lead to the cave.

When Teddie shows up Pokey still has his feet up on the desk, bowl of chocolate by them and flipping a piece of chocolate in one hand. In the other hand he has...what looks like a photograph. And he just appears buried in it.

So much so that he doesn't appear to hear Teddie when he first enters. Not yet, at least.]

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