Well, I think we've all had a few days to digest how wonderful that movie was!

[Translation: That movie was such a bore, I've seen civilizations die out more excitingly than this!]

The action, the drama, the history, oh, so wonderful!

[Translation: This was written by a Romulan, I'm sure of it. Only race I know who enjoys historical revisionism. Except maybe the Voth.]

Oh, but this has inspired me, as well! Oh, if it's so easy to make a movie so loved and taking so much time to lovingly make sure everything is crafted well, I wanna do it myself.

[Translation: If you think historical revisionism is fun here, wait until you get a load of me!]

And we have the perfect ponies to do so! Us! The newponies! I'm sure everyone across this great land should know the trials and Tribble-ations we've all been through together!

[Translation: I'm going to make you all stars and no, I'm not sorry about the pun.]

Though, I'm certain everypony doesn't want to wait, so, I'll try to make this as quick as possible!

[Translation: You think I'm going to spend two years to make a four hour movie? HA!]

Oh, I'll need some money. I'll probably take like... 95% of the fund you ponies set up. Is that okay?

[Translation:.... nope, that's what he meant.]

Firstly: Yes, Hearts and Hooves candy is on schedule for next month. Don't worry. I am a confectioner before all else.

Now that that's out of the way, other business. Four billion bits is a lot of money. It's more money than all of Ponyville has, more money than Ponyville and Cloudsdale put together. Quarterhorse Quarterly is not going to change hooves any time soon.

[Yes, she heard. Oh, lord did she hear. She may or may not have set up a tab to pay for Pers Muskiet Raker's breakfast for the next while out of concern for an honest journalist.]

So we've got to do this another way. Pinkie Pie. Get your friend Steven on the line, see what he thinks about Noovesweek going national.

I'm not concerned about them taking us seriously, yet. After all, we're just useless country bumpkins. But we're gonna run Tom Shanks's little scandal rag out of business.

Well I sure as shit RSVPed. I mean hell if they're going to be so nice that they're gonna put me in their magazine a second time I'd be pretty damn rude of me not to. They're working their asses off to make me a star so I might as well grace them with my presence since they seem to want it so damn bad.

But hey, before we start deciding how we're going to burn their shit down - and I know this is going to sound hypocritical as hell of me - maybe we should try and play nice?

Look. These clowns want to see what we're like, right? So let's show them. Hell, even show them your rougher spots, you wanna. But don't show them the absolute worst you've got that isn't really part of you that they're trying to make in you. We've got an opportunity to prove who we are by going to this thing. So hell.

They wanna show us some movies? Let's go and watch their movies. We'll show them something else in return.

Seriously. Even if you aren't thinking of going right now? Consider it. It's gonna be a waste if you don't.

It's come to my attention that the winter holidays in this world are bearculiarly similar to Christmas, a holiday made for spending time with either a group of hot studs or your special somebody. Unlike last year, I'm sadly going to skip on the stud meeting - but please save me a slice of cake - as I'm no longer a single bear anymore.

As a lotta you are already aware, but I've been training myself mentally and physically to reach the top of the maturity ladder, and my training is telling me that I gotta prebear the most romantic date imaginable.

[Teddie's standing in one of the Agency rooms, arms behind his back. This entire time he's been wearing a pair of glasses in hopes to make himself look smarter, but seeing as he's Teddie, he only manages to make himself look more ridiculous. Behind him are a few crayon drawings taped to the wall. He smacks one of them with a small tree branch, his temporary pointing stick. It's a little difficult to make out, but anyone with a good eye might catch that it's a drawing of a familiar city.]

Now, my field research concluded that Canterloft is the most romantic destination this world has to offer.

[See, it's not spying if it's for research. But enough about past nonsense, Teddie points to the next drawing, something much more sparkly looking. It...it also looks like it's covered in glitter.]

But with the inclusion of the Sparkling Crystal Place, I'm exbeariencing a sudden case of what we in the science business like to call "a difficult choice." [The scroll pans to the corner of the room, giving a good shot at Teddie's turtle, Peek, next to another piece of paper taped to the wall. It's drawn in such a way that it's meant to look like an itty bitty chalkboard, question marks scribbled all over it. Peek herself is wearing a tiny pair of glasses, clearly representing the science business of Equestria.] I need to know if we're still allowed to go there, or if I have to come up with a new sporting event to make it all pawsible.

[The scroll then turns back to him, one paw nudging his glasses "professionally."]

Any and all opinions on this matter are appreciated, as well as any and all snacks as I am scientifically starving at the moment.

[As if on cue, his stomach proceeds to rumble, causing him to drop character and grab onto it in an overdramatic flair. The feed ends there.]

[Sometime just before Q's winter wonderland lights up, the scroll goes to static. Or what counts as static on paper. And then cuts to near-complete darkness, a silhouette outlined by a window. If one looks closely, they'll see Canterlot Castle in the distance. Wherever this is, its in the capital city.

The figure - which has to be a pony - takes a moment for the image to sink in, before speaking. The tone is female, no-nonsense, blunt, yet soft. Low. Prim. Its not a voice many on the scrolls will have heard. In fact, of the off-worlders, only one pony may even have any inkling of who this poiny even is.

No matter.]

Good evening.

In the next week, Hoovesweek will be hitting stands in time for the holiday. It goes without saying that the content of this issue will be less than flattering to you. Which should come as no surprise. If it does, well, welcome. Whatever sediment you've parked yourselves under must have been exceedingly cozy the past year and a half, hm?

Of course, that won't be the end of it. Let's just say that the...boss of Hoovesweek...

[The slightest, slightest, sliiiiightest growl at that word. Boss. How...hm.]

...has something prepared for you in the next few weeks. You'll all be receiving something in the mail. An invitation. And when you get it? I suggest you be on your best behavior regarding it. I know some of you have difficulty in doing so, but that is exactly what the...boss is counting on.

I suggest you show otherwise, when the time comes.

[A pause.]

Oh...and you didn't hear of any of this before you received your invite. This must be seen as a surprise to you all, lest I be potentially found out. There are more than a few livelihoods at stake. But I felt that I should warn you, just the same.

That's all.

[And she...whoever she is...is out. She...whoever she is...may or may not respond to various inquiries from characters. You'll just have to see how much more generous she...well, you get the idea.]

[Rainbow is flush with energy to the point of mania today, grinning and eager as she faces down the scrolls.]

Hey everypony, but especially friends of Minato! I gotta get him a really, really amazing present for Hearth's Warming this year. And I don't think my usual standbys are up to it. [Because as much as he could clearly use a good weight set to put on some muscle, she needs to go more special than that!]

So anypony got any ideas? Stuff he secretly likes that he hasn't mentioned to me yet? A real wish of his? I'll take anything, maybe everything! I'm gonna make this an awesome holiday!

(So, it's been about a month -and two days, give or take- since Ponyville was given a shower of roses by the name of Ruby Rose, and since Nightmare Night has come and gone -but Hearth's Warming Eve is right around the corner!- the young Huntress in training-turned-Earth pony is busy...

Sorting between red, white, black and yellow-wrapped candies that were due to be shipped to various parts of Equestria by the end of the week! And somewhere in between being informed about her assigned job, which candy went into which packaged box as well as when she would learn about candy canes which wasn't for another couple of weeks, Ruby unfurled her scroll so pretty much anypony could hear her as she worked.

And she wasn't working alone. The catch? Absolutely no touching or getting into the candy if hooves aren't being used. Ruby was promised a chance to see how she would fare following Nightmare Night, and she didn't wanna disappoint Bon Bon! Plus, she had to try and earn the 'Bon Bon Lottery,' and this could be her opportunity. Yes, she did take that saying a bit too seriously.)

...The red candies go to the far left, white candies stay close to your hoof, black switches to your other hoof, yellow to the far left...Zwei, can you speed it up a little?

(Ruby -and various others- will hear a light yipping as the Corgi runs on the treadmill a little faster which speeds up the process. Different colored candies shoot down the aisle and as they do, Ruby's making sure they go to the right pile.

...No Ruby couldn't possibly have visitors stop by! Scheduled breaks aren't for another half hour or so, and is that ramp going faster?)

Okay, Zwei...that's a little too fast...!

(Ruby could use some Semblance if things start getting out of hoof, but the ramp with the candies does slow down. Pets usually aren't allowed in the workplace, but Ruby promised it was only until whoever was really scheduled to run the treadmill arrived, and then the Corgi would go to his real job...as a guard dog, patrolling the area around Bon Bon's store!

Those who try to talk to Ruby, it'll be a few moments before she realizes the scroll's on...)

So, the Equestrian Film Festival is due to start this coming weekend and... it's only just now come to me that no cinema experience is complete without the proper snacks. And while I understand that it's unlikely to get a good hotdog around here, I'd still appreciate some local Ponyville flavor being brought to the silver screen.

Would any of you resident snackmakers and cooks out there be willing to come and help make and sell food, candies, popcorn, and other various refreshments at the festival? I'm sure it'd drum up some fantastic sales, and help boost word for your business.

[There's been a lack of pompadour lately, but thankfully it's back in full force...baby. Don't ask where he's been, chances are he's not going to tell you.]

Hey assholes, I'm still homeless. No seriously, what the hell, where's my free house? ...We get free houses, right? I mean, it's not like I'd know since NOBODY TELLS ME ANYTHING.

I've been here since, what? July or something? Chop chop.

[Hi Dandy, no one missed you.]

Boy, that week was a real blast, huh? I think I'm gonna miss being Kyo-chan for awhile...

[He gives a dreamy sigh as he runs a paw through his own, short hair. Easy come, easy go. At the very least, maybe Kyouko will appreciate what he did to her hair.

But being nostalgic for the body swap event isn't the main reason why Teddie is addressing the scrolls this fine morning, oh no.

This is business.]

Anyway, once upon a time ago, I was like "OH YEAH, I'm totally gonna go to school 'cause that's the mature thing to do" and everyone was all "No Teddie, school's closed for the summer!" so Kyo-chan got me a job instead and it was really, REALLY fun!

But now it sounds like everybody's all going to school, even Nana-chan, and I'm starting to bearcome super jealous. I don't know what the heck I should be doing! My schedule's way too busy to fit in both work and school, I'd have to take out a nap and I don't wanna even think about dropping snack time. I dunno how Yosuke manages both...

So I guess my question is, what would you choose? And how much do turtle babysitters run for?

So hey Bon Bon looks...rumpled. Almost dishabille - if ponies wore enough to count as dishabille, anyway.

...is that a fuzzy hoofcuff dangling off her foreleg?

"So, uh, hey! This is Hayate! I'd like to take this chance, now that I'm free, to state FOR THE RECORD that absolutely nothing happened. Really. There's no need to panic! EVERYTHING'S FINE."

...oh dear.

[And there's a very panicked Minako running around her room looking, at first confused and then panicked... Or is it?]

Yellow walls? A bed? Wait.. what? What's going on?

[She's accidentally turned on the scroll while looking at herself and panicking. Noticing the scroll, she scrabbles for it looking very worried.]

This is Skyfire... I don't know what's going on, but if someone is in my body DO NOT TRY BREATHING FIRE! You might seem to have been granted the instinctual knowledge of how to do it, but you could easily set the entire area alight!

[He's more than a bit panicked about the kind of damage someone could do with his body. He's not violent, but he's well aware that he's got some seriously dangerous abilities.]


((Ooc: Anyone tagging after Billy will find Skyfire wandering aimlessly around Ponyville.))

Oh no I'm trapped in someone else's body and I can't get out!

[Oh look, there's a dumb baby black and red scaled dragon in a business suit on the scrolls, pretending to cringe. Then he just smiles at the camera scroll.]

Hi, I'm Pokey Minch, and has this ever happened to you? I mean, yeah, I know it's happening to you right now, it was a rhetorical question. It's happened, and crap like this happens every holiday. I know. I've been there. And maybe some of you have too.

[It takes him a moment, but he's picked up the scroll and hung it on something, giving a better view of where he is. It's a cave, a relatively small one, though it may look more packed than it is with all the crap on the floor. It appears like there's a few bits here and there, maybe some gems, but most of what's on the floor looks like dumb trash: roller skates, a bent baseball bat, little origami animals, dozens and dozens of what look like pictures, though it's not like the scroll can capture any of the images on them. There's a large, ornate wooden chest too with multiple locks over it, but that's just for show. Probably.

In the middle of the 'shot' is a small wooden desk made just for his size. Pokey takes a seat at it.]

See, I've been in a place like this before. I was there for three years.

[He taps both his forefingers on the desk, as if to accent his point.]

So you know what? I'm willing to offer advice on how to deal with things like this, to everyone new to it. In fact, I'm such a nice guy, that I'm going to go ahead and give some free advice: this? Is all going to blow over in a week, at the most, so everyone shut up and stop worrying. That week thing? You can quote me on it.

Still don't believe I'm a nice guy? Guess what. Next time something like this happens, you come in and I'll give you information and advice on what's going for free. So if you don't like my service, you can tell it to take a hike. But if you do, after that? We can work on some consultation fees, and I can make sure you don't get blindsided by something like this ever again.

That still not enough? Here.

[And he reaches down behind his desk. And pulls out a bowl of chocolates.]

I even have free candy. Why don't you stop by and get some, if nothing else.

C'mon. What's more important to you? Some peace of mind, or your stupid money?

( [Prologue to the post, Bon Bon's shop] )

[When the scroll turns on, Bon Bon is doing her best to not look panicked and she's actually doing a pretty decent job, if you ignore the slight twitching and the rumpled mane that suggests a sudden rapid loss of sanity.]

Pinkie. Pinkies. Pink party pony plural. We. We kind of have... We kind of have a...

Look, I don't know if you've learned some of the terms that I share with the Cakes, but we have a Code: Sad Trombone here.

[That would be "I think parasprites have invaded the store and eaten a significant portion of my stock and some poor little filly will have a ruined birthday party if we can't replace it but I've had so much coffee that I could pass out for a week on end at any moment", if either Pinkie Pie recognizes the vernacular.]

And... to all the other people ponies new old whatever in Ponyville... uh. I... candymakers. If any of you are candymakers I could use some help maybe. Hopefully. Please?

[She's having a slight problem making words work, it seems. That said, she very quietly ends the (public) message there.]

( [Private to Teddie and Kyouko] )

When Hayate appears on the scroll, she looks terrible. Her hair is even more of a spiky mess than usual, there are bags under her eyes, and most tellingly of all, her wings don't look obsessively preened - there are three feathers out of alignment. She opens her mouth to speak and is interrupted by a jaw-cracking yawn, which prompts her to grab what appears to be a tall Pumpkin Spice Latte from the local Starbucks and toss down the entire thing in one gulp before throwing the empty cup over her back to land on a massive pyramid of discarded coffee cups.

"So, uh, guys? That...that, y'know, the thingie where...where people were fallin' asleepy an' not wakin' upppp...."

A slight pause as she almost nods off mid-sentence before jerking awake and slamming down another PSL.

"Is...izzit over? C'n I go beddy now?"

Does anyone know where I could get a costume in my size? I'm afraid I have no idea of what I should even be... This holiday is completely unfamiliar to me.


[Private to Bon Bon]

This might be rather short notice, but do you think you could make a rather large order for me before the Nightmare Night party?
I was hoping to bring enough candies to share with everyone...

Peaceful morning in Equestria, the sun is shining, it's a balmy 22 degrees C... and there's a sign tacked to a table with a crown on it. What does it say?

I QUIT!

High above, Woona slings on a new hat.

"Marvelous, I'm leaving you with a week worth of food. Try not to eat it all. YO HO!"

And the Gokai Galleon launches leaving a very angry and shouting Ako from the window as Woona cackles. "FREEE! Come Pirate sister of mine, adventure awaits and diamonds and angry Gorilla people with rock-throwers!"

Later on, a physical scroll is sent to Celestia and Luna of the native rule. it has a single line of text.

"A lack of trust in family created Nightmare Moon."

Hello, everypony. Some of you may not recognize me from around town, which is fair... I only just got one of these scrolls. My name is Bon Bon, and yes, that means I'm the one who runs the candy shop downtown. Either way, I've got a few announcements to make, now that the nasty business with the eclipses is over.

Firstly: Since it's only a month until Nightmare Night, I'm accepting suggestions for varieties of candy to make for the big day-before sale. Last year's celebrations being cut short by the actual Nightmare Moon I entirely blame on my stocking of way too much black licorice, so I want to know if you all can help make the holiday not a catastrophic failure this year.

Secondly: thanks to that eclipse, I actually do have a bit of a surplus here, so until the end of the month, all taffy is 75% off. Something to chew on for a while. [The mare chuckles, quietly, at her own joke.]

Finally: Until further notice, Zetta and all of those who collaborated with him are blacklisted from the Sugar Shack. I understand that it was apparently some super-secret plan to lure out the evil mastermind keeping all of the offworlders here, but you caused Lyra and Fluttershy to work themselves into exhaustion, made one of my employees sick, and turned the other into a bear! [Yes, Zetta, she's blaming you for that too even if it happened after the fact. And was technically Teddie's fault.] If you want me to lift the ban, then I'm expecting a pretty big apology. Yes, your majesties, that includes you two, too. I'm a businessmare, not a politician, and you hurt my bottom line, so I have to take action.

Thank you all for your time.


( [Private to Dame Trixie] )


( [Private to Kyouko and Teddie] )


( [Private to Lyra and OU!Fluttershy] )

[The person on the other side of the scroll is a greyish blue bird with a red spot on his white breast. Taking the scenery behind him into consideration (the middle of Ponyville), it wouldn't be difficult to guess that the bird, though looking like some sort of pigeon or dove, is actually the size of a large turkey.]

Once more did I venture forth to Ragnarok, to the Battlefield of the Gods, venturing to the Abyss of Madness once more in the Time of Heat. But the ways of battle are harsh. The enigma of 'adult feel' is as yet unconquered. And yet single leafs from a sheaf were reaped.

[This speech seems to make perfect sense to the bird on the other end of the scroll. He's probably the only one it makes sense to.]

It was after congress with the Golden Winged Messenger that my consciousness wandered in the dark void. A Fallen Angel of God in Terra Equi Pulchram. Be wary, lest my Crimson Breast run wild once more.