strongbad_scrollmail.exe: dragon-game (locked from Marty)

[crapfully]

'Sup, peoples. It's a Strong Bad again. Listen, I'm, uh, sorry about how that filming turned out. Turns out putting a powder keg next to one of the film reels was not my most brilliant idea of the year. But I'll make it even better for next time!

But this isn't about that. This is about Decemberween. Or, as you apparently call it, Hearths'warming eve. Because everything in this town needs an overly cutesy and sentimental name. It's that thing where you freeze your butt off trying to get someone a gift that they're not at all likely to appreciate, right?

Thing is. I kind of really want a certain somebody to get a good one this year. I've got this...pal. Small dragon, named Marty. Maybe you know him. And I know he likes video games. So I've got to get him the most awesome video game in existence: TROGDOR! It's about a super-intimidating dragon who burninates the land, and it's got music that pushes the limits of a little arcade chip. I think he'll like it.

And for once, just this once, I'm willing to do just about anything to make that happen for him. So if you know anything about arcade games, if there's anything you can do to help me, I'd really appreciate it. And do you an awesome favor. Your choice.

(Because there's no way this can possibly go wrong. He can feel the dread in his bones already.)

Comments

[discorderly]

Well, now that depends. What sort of favors are you capable of granting?

[crapfully]

Well let's see. I can...write you an awesome song, solve your computer issues, serve as some muscle, tend your garden, menial chores...

[Unseen, he's making a face.]

And some less than legal services. I'm not exactly from the right side of the tracks.

[discorderly]

I don't need any of that.

But I'll tell you what. Bring me...the unicorn as white as milk...the bow as pink as Pie...the tiara as pure as diamonds, aaaaaaaaaand...let's say the chicken limp as rubber. Bring all of that to me in three day's time, and I will make your game for you~

[crapfully]

Tall order, but...

...are you going to kill the unicorn or anything? Just curious. 'Cause I don't think my buddy would approve.

[discorderly]

I'm going to brush her mane, and put the bow and tiara on her.

The chicken is for me.

[Audio]

[adandyinspace]

[Dandy would write back, but you know, words.]

Dude, you crushin'?

[It sounds like you crushin']

[Audio]

[crapfully]

[kjdf;ajfa. He's just. Blinking in disbelief.]

The only crushing going on here is my sudden desire to crush my hoof in your face.

[Audio]

[adandyinspace]

[He'd laugh if he could see that.

...Actually no, scratch that, he'll laugh now.]

Slow down there, baby, save the rough stuff for your boyfriend.

But sure, I'll help ya out.

[Audio]

[crapfully]

He's pretty much my kid brother. That's revolting.

So why should I take your help?

[Audio]

[adandyinspace]

Hey, at least you know you're messed up.

And why wouldn't you take my help? It's a free offer, just take it.

[private audio]

[controledfreak]

[As in, her disembodied voice is all around him.]

[Maybe he's getting used to it?]

People make those?

[crapfully]

[He's adjusting, but that still catches him off guard a bit.]

Oh, uh, hey Yggy.

You mean video games? Course they do! They don't just spring forth from the video game tree. Though that would rule if it existed.

[controledfreak]

Manifestation of objects with no discernible origin is quite common where I am from.

I suppose here that would be considered unusual, heh.

Are they hard to make?

[crapfully]

In magical ponyland, maybe not. Weird stuff would grow on trees here.

And it depends what kind of game. A basic classic game like Trogdor? One guy could rig it, maybe two. It would just take a bit. Fancy-pants cutting edge games? They take hundreds of worker bees.

[controledfreak]

Idiom?

[Visual]

[ceasetoexist]

They have video games here?

[No, really? They have something interesting here?]

[Visual]

[crapfully]

Not as much as I'd like, but there are bits and pieces from other worlds. I've got a few ASCII-styling ones on my old Lappy.

[Visual]

[ceasetoexist]

You own an old piece of crap like that? Do you live, like, in a cardboard box with a tire pool too?

[Still, he has to admit...]

Can you even play them here? Widespread electricity here sees, you know...

Rare. Like they probably have to wait for a thunderstorm or something to power most of their crap.

[Visual]

[crapfully]

Yeah. Apparently there's some kind of magic power adapter being used for these things. So electronics from other places can still kinda work if you've got one.

I'd just have to get a bigger one for an arcade cabinet.

[Visual]

[ceasetoexist]

Really? Where do you get them?

[Now? Now he's intrigued.]

So this game you want to make...you actually have the code for it or anything?

[text]

[thedoctorsmate]

Do they even have computers here? Look, if you really want to get him something he'll like, get him a skateboard or something like an electric guitar. [This does not make her sound at all like a stalker who knows more about Marty than she reasonably should.]

[text]

[crapfully]

Sure they do! I've got one sitting in my office. I mean, I don't think the natives use 'em, but there were a couple brought in. So it'll cost me more than a bit.

I know he likes that other stuff, and I've got a backup, but...when I remembered this game, I knew he'd be a perfect fit for it.

[text]

[thedoctorsmate]

Have you considered that, if there are no computers here usually. Maybe, just maybe, there aren't any computer programmers to make this game. And who's going to have something like that with them when Calice zaps them here?

[text]

[crapfully]

A nerd? Programmers are as likely to be forced to play this friendship game as anybody else, I figure.

I've gotta give it a shot, at least.

[text]

[thedoctorsmate]

[Frankly, Donna would expect even nerds to have more taste in games.]

I guess it's good you wanting to get something nice for your friend. So, what do you want for Christmas this year, Strong Bad?