mylittlejamjar | First Flight

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First Flight | Visual

[The scrolls open to a smiling pegasus, with a red scarf around his neck and small white cuffs around all four of his legs. (Visual reference!) These scrolls were his way to communicate with the rest of the world, right?]

Hey! Nice to meet you all. My name's Tails, and I'm new here. [He's learned a bit about Equestria from a friend of his in the last place he found himself. He extends his wings, and then realizes he has them.] Huh. I have wings, so I guess that means I can still fly, too!

Though I do have one question... [He motions to his wrench that's lying on the ground.] How d'you hold heavier stuff with your hooves? I can't really fix or build things like this.

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[It's completely fine with her.]

That' the only type of performance I do. I have a bunch of different stories I tell, and I pull off various magic tricks to go along with the story. Defeating dragons, discovering an underwater ruin, saving people from peril... Whatever the stories, there are magic tricks to go along with them. I put a lot of work to make sure they're as entertaining as possible.

All I knew about the Alicorn Amulet was that it had the ability to give me the magical strength of an Alicorn. That, and where it was located. I bought it in some back-alley curio shop. The amulet was the only thing I was after.

[He guessed right on the performances, at least. Part of him hopes he gets to see one someday.]

So you got ridiculed because you didn't have the strength to defeat a creature? But your performances are supposed to be entertaining, and if they enjoyed all of that, why would something like not being able to defeat a creature cause this? It doesn't seem right.

I would say that it should have rung a few alarm bells in your head, but I guess when it came down to how things ended up, I can't really blame you for the decision you made in buying the amulet. It was for the wrong reasons, but you couldn't have known that it would do such things to you. And given the circumstances, it sounds like what put you through all that was an unfair treatment by other ponies.

Forgiving yourself isn't easy, and that's the thing. Mistakes like that can haunt you for a long time. Even make you think less or differently of yourself. But what matters is if you're actively attempting to better yourself because of it. [He's actually caused and almost caused some incidents back on his own homeworld and in other worlds as well. It took him quite some time to forgive himself for what's happened. There's also the case of his origins...] I know what it feels like to be ridiculed and made fun of. Even though it was for different reasons than you. It was for reasons I couldn't help; I was simply different. It hurts, though. And I can't imagine how much more it hurt you.

Maybe that's why it's hard for you to forgive yourself. Because it's hard to justify all that happened, even without the possession and what came afterward. But it's all in the past now, and you're here, and you can still do performances, whether you currently do or not. I'm sure there'd be plenty of ponies who would love to watch them. I know I definitely would.

I think it'd be easier if you came to terms with what happened rather than trying to forgive yourself. So long as you're trying to make a better pony out of yourself, using what you know and what you can learn, you can make up for past mistakes and look towards the future.

My performances stopped being successful because of how I put myself as the heroine of all of them and made them sound to be true. That' the job of a magician. To make others believe you can do anything they see or hear you do.

[Trixie puts her hoof on the blue sapphire clasp keeping her royal blue cape on. Or her Evoker, as it is in reality.]

I... I've already come to terms with my past. I'm not running away from it anymore...

Still, one bad show doesn't make you a bad magician - it was an oversight, an error, nothing more. You didn't deserve to be ridiculed for it. You did the right thing by admitting the creature was too strong and not letting anyone get hurt. I mean sure, it messed things up, but in the reality of it all, you didn't want anyone to get hurt, and that's what matters.

You don't think they'd be successful now if you tried?

My performances? I've been doing them ever since that amulet was off of me. Princes Luna and I also had some business together as she worked with me on a show two Nightmare Nights ago. That was when I got my- er, when I came to terms with my past... I'm still surprised that I was able to continue, given with what I'd done...

Oh. Sorry, I guess that confused me a little.

I mentioned earlier that I met him after one of my performances.

[But enough about that.]

...So is there something else I'm supposed to do?

[That was a lot of information to process, Trixie. Give him a small break at least. ~~A small explosion sign went off somewhere. He totally lost one of his nonexistent objection marks there.~~]

Well, you've come to terms with your past already... but given the circumstances that caused you to get the amulet, and the fact that you're doing the performances again, don't you think you can forgive yourself now? It still may not be easy, but if it's something you feel you can do, maybe you should.

[There's a short pause.]

...I don't know if I can right now. I don't know how to. ...I thought once that if I could defeat The Pale Pony, I would be able to do so...

I've never had to forgive myself for anything before... Every performance I made, I tried making it go as smooth as possible. Every heckler that tried to step in my way, I sent them packing.

[Trixie sighs.]

...But if forgiving myself is the only way to get rid of this guilt, I'll... just have to try and find a way...

[Wow. He didn't think he'd actually be able to get this far. But to be truthful, after hearing all of Trixie's story and trying to help her though it, he felt like he understood her somewhat. As much as he could understand her through just the story. And he felt really, really bad for her after hearing her past. It made him think... what if he had succumbed and did the same thing? Tried desperately to do something to impress everyone and feel like he had a purpose? He didn't screw anything up that was his fault, or even something that he could help, but he was still belittled, ridiculed, made a mockery of, and had no friends on his home island. Their situations were very different, but at the same time, similar in their own way. Hopefully he wouldn't mess up here.]

We all make mistakes, no matter how big. Learning from them and working to forgive ourselves for them through other positive actions is how we better ourselves. Just letting it sit and moving on won't fully solve the problem if it still haunts you even afterward. I know it might take a while to find a way, but... it sounds like until you do, your past won't stop haunting you about the guilt you're feeling.

I'm able to tell you all this because... through both action and inaction, I've done things I regret too. I've made mistakes and nearly gotten my best friends killed or seriously injured because of them. Nobody's perfect, and I'm no exception. I was young, somewhat naive, unaware of what consequences my actions could bring at times. I've been fueled by anger, remorse, regret... We may not have made the same mistakes, but I do understand why you did what you did. And I think if you ever do forgive yourself... maybe things will get better. It doesn't have to be right now, or even today. You can't rush something like this. Just... be yourself. Don't try to do something like trying to defeat the Pale Pony. [Who is, as he understands, ridiculously overpowered.]

[Trixie huffs, a little frustrated. She was told before that she needs to forgive herself after she publically confessed after that one Nightmare Night. This is nothing new to her.

...Except... this conversation made her better understand what forgiving herself means. Just one step closer.]

...It's obvious what Trixie is trying to do to forgive herself isn't working. Instead of doing her usual performances, it seem she must try new things.

But mark her words, she will find a way! Dare not to doubt it!

[Well, it looks like it worked at least.]

That's the spirit. And I don't doubt you will find a way.

[Now that that's settled...]

...You should count yourself lucky. Trixie does not usually give out private performances. Speaking of which, her next one is scheduled for the eight, my enthusiastic admirer!

I'll definitely come to see it.

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