mylittlejamjar | APPLE FACTS 16: YOU SCREWED UP HARD [Forward Dated to Monday]

Everyone shut up.

[Oh look who's back. And looks like she just woke up from one of the longest sleeps imaginable, and not one fraught with pleasant dreams. She had taken at least a little time to go through the scrolls when she got back, see how everything else had went and what was being said.

She almost wished she hadn't.]

Before we get this shit tour on the road, step one, let's clear something up. This bullshit is only one person's fault. This sure as hell isn't the fault of anyone who went in and and it sure as hell isn't Dandy's fault for trying to get everyone I dragged in out, it's my fault. I was told this was a dumbass idea and I didn't listen. There'll be more on that shit in just a minute but hey before we go there I have crap I need to tell you about what we found out inside this goddamn thing.

Calice has changed the palace in Canterlot into some kind of freaky-tiki mad science laboratory. It looks like some 90s villain corporate asshole had a field day designing their hideout and then devolves into shithole dungeons where she keeps anyone who disobeys her and anyone who she's bringing in from other worlds. She puts you in a little asshole cell and gives you the bare minimum of food we eat here, and then she stares at you like a shithead and changes your soul so it's ready to become a pony if you're a newpony she's bringing in here. If it's someone who's disobeyed her it's pretty much the same thing except it's just staring and staring until she gets whatever information she damn well wants. She's got rooms too where she has the princesses captured, has her own Element bearers stashed away, and has the element bearers from here that have disappeared held up, because bitch has to have this shit under wraps. Turned the goddamn throne room there into...hell. I dunno. it's a room that leads to outside now and back to a building where she's keeping...where I'm pretty sure she's keeping Twilight. Or her. Or goddamn whatever is happening now maybe I'll put this shit in writing because I can barely understand it. I can't focus enough on it because it was a mindscrew and I just...hell, I...just...

Shit.

...I thought this could've worked. I guess I thought, hell, I dunno, that maybe hearing everyone else would flip some switch and...

...The third time we went in went so well. She actually responded. And I thought that, maybe, she'd respond more if it was with others she recognized. I guess I thought it'd work like some kind of magic goddamn lightswitch and that while it wouldn't solve all our problems it'd help make headway. And then I thought it'd help if others knew who she was and was about and...

I over did it. I was told by others who knew better than me that I was over doing it and I didn't listen. I just thought that...the last time, if we took a step forward and I was part of the group then...hell, actual bearers would take it even further. Ponies who were a shitton more natural and better than me at this crap. But I screwed up. I was wrong, because I didn't know what the hell my dumbass actually thought aside from something magical was going to happen because I'd been shown this could work. I jumped the gun, I screwed up any progress we'd made doing this before because I didn't know what the hell I was talking about. I lost Fluttershy because of it, and I hurt all of you.

You all are behaving in some dumb bullshit over this. You want to know who's at fault? It's me. You want to know who to blame, blame me. You want to get angry at someone over it and mess with them, mess with me.

For that matter, now that I'm back Air Jappleack is grounded. I'm not going to stop anyone dumb enough to try and find some way to go in, but I'm sure as hell not going to be dragging anyone else in there to get caught because of my dumb bullshit. I'm gonna tell you not to go in there because that thing is probably pissed the hell off and going to immediately jump on anyone going into it, but hell. What do I know.

I'm sorry. I know that doesn't mean or do anything at this point but I'm sorry. I thought....I dunno.

I thought this could work. But I didn't plan enough, I didn't have enough or given enough information, this is on me. No one else.

You wanna scream at me, I'll be here. You wanna do it in person, I'll be the asshole trying to meditate on Sweet Apple Acres.

[Private to the Mane Six]

I'm sorry. I should have been there. But Dandy had a much better chance of getting everyone out if everything went to shit, and I needed to take what chance I could to find out what the ponies inside wanted to tell us. Maybe if it had been both of us warping together we could have done it quicker. This is on me. I misread everything and I hurt all of us.

If you want me to piss off for awhile? I get it. I will. Cause I can't make up for this shit.

[Private to Dandy]

You were right. I was wrong. I should have listened to you, and because I didn't I absolutely screwed us and got one of my best friends hurt.

This is my fault, entirely, not yours.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It's amazing just how much even looking at a Fluttershy is painful, how much it can hurt. Jappleack moves her jaws but never enough to start forming words, not yet.

Tears, slowly, brim to her eyes.]

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I....

[And she goes quiet again, not bothering to even try to blink away the tears as they stroll down her face.]

No, no!... it's...

[ Oh, no, what has she done? She didn't mean to make JA sad too... but she can't stop herself from dissolving into tears again. ]

It's... not your fault... [ She gets out between sobs. ]

Edited 2015-03-23 07:01 (UTC)

Yes it is!

[She trembles the words out, not meaning for them to be as loud as they are. But she can't help herself. She wants Fluttershy to stop crying, to not have to cry because it feels awful just so goddamn awful watching her cry.]

Yes, it is. I should've just listened and I should've sat my dumb ass down on it.

You were trying! [ She's totally miserable, but she'll try to have this discussion anyway. ] You were all trying to make it better... we're all stuck here, and...

And I would have come, too... [ Her face falls even further. ] I couldn't even do that...

Don't.

[Please don't. Jesus. Was she just destined to hurt every Fluttershy she met?]

Don't blame yourself for this, shit. You didn't have anything to do with it. I just-

I screwed up. On everything.

Please.

Don't don't cry. But don't beat yourself up over it.

[ Fluttershy angrily tries to wipe her tears away, with limited success. ]

You didn't...

[ This back and forth could go on forever, couldn't it? ]

Applejack, you're... you're my friend, and... I'm glad you made it out.

Why does everypony have to blame somebody or do something? [ Totally miserable now. ] There's nothing to be said or done. Please...

I was so worried about all of you!!

Everyone's scared.

[She says it helplessly, shrugging a bit.]

They've got to do something, whether it's...something dumb, or putting the blame where it belongs.

[And it did belong on her. There was no real doubt about that in Jappleack's mind.]

When a tragedy happens this kind of shit...just happens. Maybe there's no one to blame. Maybe there is.

But people need someone to.

They don't. I don't.

I just need my friends.

....Can I come see you?

[ A nod. ]

[And so it isn't long before Jappleack sets out to find the remaining Fluttershy. Several times she thinks of turning back. Of going back to Sweet Apple Acres, hiding, crying a bit more, herself. At times she thinks about how she doesn't deserve to cry, how this is her fault and mourning shouldn't be a luxury she deserves, and it angers her beyond belief.

But she presses on, coming to Fluttershy's residence and uncharacteristically, gently, knocking on her door.]

[ It's a long time before Fluttershy opens the door. She's moving very slowly. ]

Come in. [ She's cleaned herself up a little bit but she still looks dreadfully sad.

The entire cottage is quiet. ]

[It doesn't take long after Japple enters the cottage - nearly the moment she steps in - for her to hug the yellow pegasus, barely containing another burst of crying as she does so.

God. It's pathetic, but she can't help it the grief and pain is just too damn strong.]

Sorry.

Shh... [ Not rejecting the apology, but trying to calm the other pony down, she strokes Jappleack's mane gently. ]

It's okay...

[ They'll all need a little time to grieve. Fluttershy included. A fresh bout of tears falls silently from her eyes to Jappleack's fur. ]

[Jappleack in turn buries her own head in Fluttershy's shoulder, letting the pegasus try to calm her. It works a bit, and her tears turn to short, small bursts instead of bawling.]

I just...

I didn't think we'd lose anyone I-

I should've been in that group to stop it...

Sh-she might come back.

[ She's holding onto that tiny hope, even though she has no idea how unlikely it is. ] You came back. Didn't you? Last time... when you....

[ She can't say it. But she keeps hugging Jappleack. ]

She might.

[She repeats it like a mantra, as if the more they say it, the more it has a possibility of coming true.

She certainly isn't going to stop hugging Fluttershy yet.]

Your cottage is nice...

[Jesus. That was stupid to say. But it feels like there's just not much more she can, not without just going over and over about how sad she is, just depressing Fluttershy further.]

Thank you...

[ She doesn't mind. There's not much to say, really. But she keeps hugging and stroking Jappleack, the nurturing calming them both down a little bit. ]

I was just...afraid you wouldn't want to see me....

[She shakes her head a little, looking down.]

Everyone's just so...understanding about it and....it's new.

I don't expect understanding a lot of the time. I'm sorry.

It... [ Well, not every world is like Equestria. ]

Applejack... we know you. We love you. We know that whatever happened to keep Fl-Fluttershy in there. i-it was an accident. It was Calice. What good is it to push away friends?

[ She clasps Jappleack a little tighter at this. Not sure if this is getting into "too-long" territory for hugs but she keeps it up anyway. ]

[She doesn't mind. Japple supposes there could be situations where the affection could be seen as awkward but...she doesn't care. It just feels nice, and hugs are such a luxury back home that...while they've been more constant here?

It's so nice to have them.

...She hics a little, at that.]

I'm just...I'm so used to being pushed away. I try, I mean, I really try it's just...they're such assholes. Back home.

APPLE FACTS 16: YOU SCREWED UP HARD [Forward Dated to Monday] - Visual

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