[4th Wall] [Visual/Action, possibly]

[kindergartencop]

[Good morning, Equestria. Anybody taking a look at the scrolls will find a very angular, very green, and very, very irritated lady glaring back at them. This isn't one of your normal, everyday glares, either. This is a glare that could cut diamonds. This is a killing glare.

It takes a second for her to realize that the scroll is actually on, to which she makes a little disgusted noise, like she just stepped in something gross.]

Absolutely primitive.

[And that's about all she's got to say, since she them turns away from the scroll, the fingers on her right hand rearranging into a hologram tablet hanging in midair. She fidgets with it for a few seconds before speaking again.]

Emergency log, date... [She pauses here to do some quick mental math.] Local time unknown. Escape pod appears to have veered off course. Dominant species of brightly colored ungulates vastly outnumbers human population. Will attempt to salvage escape velocity-capable craft from local technology. Alternatively, assess planet for Kindergarten viability.

Thus far, no signs of intelligent life observed.

[And the scroll is, of course, still open throughout this whole thing.

Maybe she just expected it to close on its own? Who knows?]

Comments

[abnormalsoon]

Yeah I know! It's pretty funny how stupid everyone here is! Break the chain Peridot! Maybe you can be the gold-star standard for everyone here!

[kindergartencop]

[wait what

Peridot snaps her attention back to the scroll, because apparently some human clod is taking this as an invitation to bug her. There's a lot of questions swimming around in her head right now, but the one that comes to mind first is]

How do you know my name?

[abnormalsoon]

Oh that's because I know lots of things! Some of them are even pretty interesting!

[He doesn't know why, but Bill is always tickled by just how surprised others are when he knows them, especially when he's busy riding around in some human's body. The fact that the kid she's talking to has yellow eyes? Might tip Peridot off a bit that it isn't a normal human.

You know. Assuming Peridot has figured out enough about humans by now to realize that.]

I mean if you want I can tell you when you'll leave here, or when you die, or even what you're going to have for dinner! Really, what you know is only limited by what you want to know.

[kindergartencop]

[She's pretty sure luminous yellow eyes aren't an ordinary human trait, but that's not something she's gonna dwell on at the moment, especially since everything else about this guy is sending up red flags.]

I'm sure I can figure all of that out on my own time.

[she doesn't even eat, man, get your facts straight.]

[bigsoftie]

[What a strange creature, but the tech design reminded him greatly of Kraang. Already he feels a slight suspicion.

Also hey green person meet green monster.]

Kindergarten viability... explain.

[kindergartencop]

[She doesn't even bother looking away from her screen this time.]

Nothing you need to worry about, I'm certain.

[She's not trying to be coy here, but that's definitely what it sounds like. Besides, she doesn't want a big beefy gatorman after her head once she actually explains what a Kindergarten is supposed to do.

Some people just don't have any sense of perspective.]

[bigsoftie]

If that is so, then telling me would not be a bad thing.

[He's not the most socially receptive, but he can call when someone's being a shady jerkface.]

[kindergartencop]

I doubt you'd understand the principles behind it if I did.

[Shady? Who's being shady? Not her, that's for sure.]

[bigsoftie]

[Hard to see with all that shade in your way.]

Try me.

[kindergartencop]

[There's a roll of the eyes and a semi-contemptuous "Fine" from Peridot, but she accedes anyway. She turns away from the scroll and, with a bit of tinkering with her handscreen, pulls up what looks like an incredibly text-heavy info file. She clears her throat and starts to read off the page.]

Kindergarten: An offworld facility dedicated to the production and maintenance of artificially constructed Gems. [You can almost here that capital G.] Utilizes local mineral samples to fabricate fully aware and functional Gems from pre-approved templates.

[She's dumbing it down significantly, of course, but that's the long and short of it, aside from the unfortunate side-effects.]

[bigsoftie]

[Seems like a lot of information at first. But with Peridot explaining, he gets it. The Kindergarten business definitely doesn't sound good. Yeah, he's onto this Gem's act. Fighting a hyper advanced imperialistic species like the Kraang will do that.]

...and where do you get these templates?

[kindergartencop]

[A couple quick taps and the screen is gone. Don't want anybody trying to read over her shoulder now.]

I don't understand how that's relevant.

[This line of questioning sure is going somewhere, and by god she will avoid it at all costs.

[bigsoftie]

[Listen here, you Moutain Dew-colored spade.]

You are a Gem. Is that right?

[kindergartencop]

[motherfucker, them's fighting words]

Correct.

[It's kind of easy to tell, what with the fist-sized rock jutting out of her forehead.]

[bigsoftie]

[He'll fight you, you ready to fight you nerd cupcake.]

Then the templates for the Gems...they would have to be alive...or not?

[kindergartencop]

If there were any organic components, I would know about it.

[This is, surprisingly, the least objectionable thing about Kindergartens.]

[bigsoftie]

Oh...

Then why did you fear telling me anything about it?

[kindergartencop]

I wasn't afraid of anything.

[Aside from, yknow, the giant reptile man. But even then, only a little.]

I just wasn't sure why I should bother.

[bigsoftie]

Why?

Because if I feel you are threatening this world, I will not hesitate to tear you apart with my own hands.

[faithmanages]

[Have a stern-looking half-Minbari looking at you]

The presence, or lack thereof, of more advanced technology does not define the intelligence of a native species.

[kindergartencop]

[And all that just gets an eyeroll out of Peridot. Of course this is the kind of self-righteous claptrap she has to put up with.]

I never said it did.

[Except it absolutely does, but shh.]

But it does make them less convenient to work with.

[And that's really what matters, in the end.]

[faithmanages]

Perhaps. But it also provides opportunties for understanding other beings very different from oneself.

[kindergartencop]

I think I understand enough.

[Ponies are dumb and there is no conceivable way you could change her mind on that.]

What I'm more concerned with is how I can leave.

[faithmanages]

It does not appear that we will remain here for very long. However, if you are in need of a ship, that may complicate matters.

[kindergartencop]

It shouldn't be that much of an obstacle. I've already considered alternatives.

[Not that those alternatives are any more or less viable, but still.]

[faithmanages]

Will you need supplies? Food, perhaps?

[kindergartencop]

I'll manage.

[She doesn't need your handouts.

Also food is for chumps.]

[faithmanages]

Very well. I was only suggesting, because it appears the people of this town are having a celebration, and it might provide an opportunity to acquire resources. However, if you do not require assistance, then that too is fine.

[She's an ambassador. She eats bullshit for breakfast]

[discorderly]

[.....Discord's just going to sneak up behind her and try to steal the fingers off her left hand.]

[kindergartencop]

[And he absolutely succeeds, since Peridot's so wrapped up in whatever it is she's doing that she barely even registers Discord as being there.

Then there's a few suspenseful moments of silence before she realizes what he's holding there.]

What the-?! Give those back!

[She needs them for hand things.]

[discorderly]

NO! They're MINE now!

[Discord holds them close, and...sticks one on the end of his nose like a tiny rhino horn. What? He could always use more body parts!]

[kindergartencop]

Augh!

[For some reason, she's a lot less articulate when people are stealing parts of her. Who'd have thunk it?

She tries to reach up and snatch the finger off of his nose, because as long as its not in his hand, it's fair game. Or it would be, if he wasn't so goshdang tall. Why does he have to be so tall?]

Do you have any idea what you're doing?!

[discorderly]

I do~ Thank you for asking!

[And he shoves all of the rest of the fingers into his mouth.]

[kindergartencop]

[Oh no. Oh no.

That is terrible and unsanitary, get those out of there this instant, sir. Peridot, natural diplomat that she is, will now attempt to persuade Discord by pounding on him with her remaining hand like a toddler throwing a tantrum.]

You! Are! Disgusting!

[discorderly]

Mmmmmmrph!

[Discord writhes, trying gleefully to keep his mouth away from Peridot. That makes talking hard though, and he quite likes talking, so he turns his tail into a second head, which turns to say:]

Exactly! You have no idea WHERE I've been!