HOOVESWEEK 5

[ponymeisters]

[Morning, Equestrians! It’s that time again, and the newsponies have a new, fresh stock of Equestria's most-read magazine!]




Queen Chrysalis is at last fallen! But in her place, a new changeling queen has claimed the throne. Is she really sincere about peace, or are we going to see another invasion from those beastly insects who have caused nothing but trouble since the royal wedding? And for that matter, can we trust the off-worlders who have been threatening Equestria since the beginning of Nightmare Night?

Other Top Stories Include:
Title: A Frightful Nightmare Night
by Lamin King

Title: Alicorns Gone Wild! A Night in Los Pegasus
by Hunter S. Topline

Title: Honey and Vinegar: Use In Case of An Emergency
by Dan Knacker

Title: Tom Shanks and The Great Equestrian Movie
by Horse Greeley


BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE:

-A report that Pinkie Pie has created a monster! Our science editor discusses the birth of the creature called Princess Pumice and what it means for the idea of "life" itself.
-A look at the crazy fog which plagued Ponyville. Cloudsdale's weather czar has announced a possible connection between the fog and the disappearing clouds that have now been reported as far west as Appaloosa.
-A report on PONIES RISING FROM THE DEAD. What is that even about? Are they pony-phoenix hybrids? Also, one of the murdered is a murderer and living now on the Ponyville commune. Seems like a dangerous place.
-An opinion piece defending Discord and his crazy antics over the past few months, hinting that his motivation was...love?
-Another op-ed on the sudden influx of off-worlder dragons. Are they getting more dangerous? They certainly seem to be doing something! And why are they harassing kitties?
-A further report on the disappearance of needed rainclouds. The problem seems to be spreading to Baltimare and Hollow Shades now, with local authorities stumped.
-Proof positive of the steamy relationship between Iron Liz and Harvey Finevoice. A kiss and a proposal happened; is a wedding not far behind?
-A review of the best Hearth's Warming gifts from this year around Equestria, including crystalberry jam and the latest installment of Daring Do! Just watch out for that grinch of an 'evil overlord', lest he try and steal them from you!
-Travel and foaleign news (or is it?) is reporting the shocking existence of moon ponies. Not only this, but said mysterious off-world ponies have begun opening up trade and tourism channels through several countries, including Griffaltar and Great Bridle. We're here to give an exclusive review of what to do, what to see, and how anypony can now experience this new frontier through an affordable international intermediary!
-A retrospective of Manehatten's Winter Fashion Week. Included is a profile on the winner of this year's couture contest, 國辔 of Galloxia*, and pictures of the first-timer's out-of-this-world designs and even crazier shoes.

So come one, come all, and read HOOVESWEEK! Only 5 bits a copy - now and forever!

*"Guo Pei", in Seres script, aka the writing system of Galloxia.

((OOC: As usual, feel free to react, or comment on those stories, or even make up seeing others in this issue!

Original picture credit is here.))

Comments

[ponymeisters]

[Speak of the devil, POOF.]

Lovely to see you too, Fluttershy.

[cruel_kindness]

[Oh great... HIM. Fluttercruel rolls her eyes.]

Fluttercruel. And don't think I haven't forgotten about messing with other people's ages.

[ponymeisters]

Oh, now, you say it like it was a bad thing!

[At this, he casually floats up into the air.]

I was merely...how does Celestia say it...oh yes, attempting to teach a life lesson! Goodness knows some ponies in this place needed it.

[cruel_kindness]

[Fluttercruel follows, and gets in Discord's face, forehead to forehead.]

Did you ever stop to think, for one flying feathering second that there were millions of unborn foals you could've potentially killed!? Fluttershy here nearly did the same thing, and neither of us are too happy you forced people into different ages!

Not to mention that Fluttershy did so while she was insane and didn't want anybody else to feel cold, hard life!

[ponymeisters]

. . .

[At this, Discord looks shocked...and then excited.]

Oh, Fluttercruel, I had no idea! Granted this is an unusually awkward way of telling me but...I'll put that down to hormones becauseohmygoshTHISISSUCHEXCITINGNEWSCONGRATULATIONS!!

[Instantly pink and blue confetti - shaped like rattles - start reigning down on her. And also a very undignified, girly squeal might have just come out of the mouth of the spirit of chaos.]

I mean...wow, I didn't even know you and your literal soulmate were seeing anyone! Is it a boy or a gi--wait, no, you don't have to tell me! I love surprises!

[cruel_kindness]

[This... isn't at all what Fluttercruel was expecting.]

...What-?

[ponymeisters]

Eeee, don't worry! I won't tell, its you're secret to reveal, yeeeees~?

[Wink. He...doesn't look like he's joking or being sarcastic about it, either.]

[cruel_kindness]

[Fluttercruel stares incredulously at Discord for a few seconds.]

...Where the buck did you get soulmate crap from all of what I said!? We're not seeing anypony! Fluttershy was insane! She turned into Nightmare Whisper because she couldn't stand the thought of anypony being miserable! She transformed nearly everyone from Equestria into foals because she was insane! She took everyone's pain, everyone's flaws, hypocricy, hurt, jealousy, everything bad about them for herself just so nobody else would be sad again!

And then when she was sane again, Fluttershy told me Celestia yelled at her for nearly killing millions of unborn foals! In fact, if Fluttershy did, She would've been sent to the bucking sun for 1000 years for each unborn foal killed! And you're excited!?

[ponymeisters]

[....aaaand that excitement drops in five seconds flat, while the confetti vanishes with a rather sad little pout.]

Oh. Well. Not about that. I was drawing an entirely different conclusion from what you were saying about yourself and Fluttershy. Your literal soulmate, Fluttershy? And mentioning unborn foals...never mind.

...This got rather depressing, didn't it.

[cruel_kindness]

It's supposed to be depressing, Old Man. Life's tough and then you get stronger for it. It isn't supposed to be filled with shortcuts that appear every time somepony snaps their fingers.

And for what it's worth, I think you should still be stoned. You'd make a good backscratcher.

[ponymeisters]

[Huff!]

Oh, please, I know life can be depressing and sad. I just didn't think this conversation would be. Besides, I am a good guy now, so I wouldn't do something that dark anyhow.

[An apple poofs into his hand, which he starts to eat.]

Besides, can you really say in all honesty that what I did was anywhere near as thoughtless, ill-sighted and dangerous to the populace as a whole in comparison to what Little Miss Chrissy did?

[cruel_kindness]

...Actually, yes. I can. An entire town, Discorded against their will. Even me. Created by you and forced into Fluttershy. Me, who was supposed to be the epitome of cruelty. The rest of the girls may have forgiven you, but I know that you'd still do anything for the sake of chaos. What's it gonna be this time, huh? Making Rarity into Tom? Turning Pinkie Diane back into a humorless grump? Doing something to Kreutzer?

If you so much as look at her wrong, I'll literally tear your heart out.

[ponymeisters]

...Tom? Tom?

[Now he looks extremely incredulous as he turns away dramatically.]

Not that I have a heart you can pyhsically tear out, but giving your local fashion plate a boring male counterpart with a similar boring name? That is something even I would draw the line at! Suggesting otherwise is slanderous towards my good name!

[He'd at least give Male Rarity Malarity? Um a suitably fabulous name if he did that.]

[cruel_kindness]

[Cruelly can't tell if Discord's being dramatic for the sake of it or if it's really getting under his skin, so she'll continue with the Tom thing.]

You would, too! You'd name everypony Tom if you had the bucking chance!

[Cruelly may be acting a little childish right now.]