HOOVESWEEK 5

[ponymeisters]

[Morning, Equestrians! It’s that time again, and the newsponies have a new, fresh stock of Equestria's most-read magazine!]




Queen Chrysalis is at last fallen! But in her place, a new changeling queen has claimed the throne. Is she really sincere about peace, or are we going to see another invasion from those beastly insects who have caused nothing but trouble since the royal wedding? And for that matter, can we trust the off-worlders who have been threatening Equestria since the beginning of Nightmare Night?

Other Top Stories Include:
Title: A Frightful Nightmare Night
by Lamin King

Title: Alicorns Gone Wild! A Night in Los Pegasus
by Hunter S. Topline

Title: Honey and Vinegar: Use In Case of An Emergency
by Dan Knacker

Title: Tom Shanks and The Great Equestrian Movie
by Horse Greeley


BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE:

-A report that Pinkie Pie has created a monster! Our science editor discusses the birth of the creature called Princess Pumice and what it means for the idea of "life" itself.
-A look at the crazy fog which plagued Ponyville. Cloudsdale's weather czar has announced a possible connection between the fog and the disappearing clouds that have now been reported as far west as Appaloosa.
-A report on PONIES RISING FROM THE DEAD. What is that even about? Are they pony-phoenix hybrids? Also, one of the murdered is a murderer and living now on the Ponyville commune. Seems like a dangerous place.
-An opinion piece defending Discord and his crazy antics over the past few months, hinting that his motivation was...love?
-Another op-ed on the sudden influx of off-worlder dragons. Are they getting more dangerous? They certainly seem to be doing something! And why are they harassing kitties?
-A further report on the disappearance of needed rainclouds. The problem seems to be spreading to Baltimare and Hollow Shades now, with local authorities stumped.
-Proof positive of the steamy relationship between Iron Liz and Harvey Finevoice. A kiss and a proposal happened; is a wedding not far behind?
-A review of the best Hearth's Warming gifts from this year around Equestria, including crystalberry jam and the latest installment of Daring Do! Just watch out for that grinch of an 'evil overlord', lest he try and steal them from you!
-Travel and foaleign news (or is it?) is reporting the shocking existence of moon ponies. Not only this, but said mysterious off-world ponies have begun opening up trade and tourism channels through several countries, including Griffaltar and Great Bridle. We're here to give an exclusive review of what to do, what to see, and how anypony can now experience this new frontier through an affordable international intermediary!
-A retrospective of Manehatten's Winter Fashion Week. Included is a profile on the winner of this year's couture contest, 國辔 of Galloxia*, and pictures of the first-timer's out-of-this-world designs and even crazier shoes.

So come one, come all, and read HOOVESWEEK! Only 5 bits a copy - now and forever!

*"Guo Pei", in Seres script, aka the writing system of Galloxia.

((OOC: As usual, feel free to react, or comment on those stories, or even make up seeing others in this issue!

Original picture credit is here.))

Comments

[they_call_me_sonic]

[And there's a blue-scaled baby dragon reading the newest issue, confused about the article about dragons and harassing cats.]

I just got here! I haven't even been near a cat! Man, why couldn't I stayed my usual cool blue self?

[ponymechanic]

[Tails shakes his head.] At least you have hands... er, claws.

I'm starting to think the guys at Hoovesweek hate Ponyville. They seem really intent to turn the natives against us.

[He still can't get why he still reads this crap, but then again, it's not like they have alternatives.]

[cruel_kindness]

"Buck no! BUCK no!" Why, yes, Fluttercruel has reached that Discord article. Cue one yellow flutterbutt tearing up the newspaper and then stomping on it.

"The Old Man ain't nothing but a bucking monster!"

[ponymeisters]

[Speak of the devil, POOF.]

Lovely to see you too, Fluttershy.

[emperorofdeception]

[Dragons harassing cats? Since when?]

Harassing cats? You'd think we'd have better things to do.

[thepoweroflove]

[Marty wasn't exactly one to read the newspaper regularly, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to see if this would help him understand the world more.

Then he got to the dragon article.]

Seriously, is this about that robot cat? How the hell was I harassing her?

[If anything the cat was harassing him]

[robotfightclub]

[Did someone say robot cat? How about robot cats right behind Marty's.

Somehow...]

Relax, it said dragons.

[She still doesn't believe Marty is one. He is clearly a newt.]

[robotfightclub]

[Someone, a small furry someone, glares down at her magazine copy with the fury of a thousand suns. Plus one.

Dragons? Harassing cats? Don't be insulting. Someone's got their facts backwards.]

Apparently I'm not harassing enough.

[Also "kitties"? Really?]

[emperorofdeception]

[Megatron chooses that moment to contact Arcee, almost as if he's read the very same article himself.]

Apparently I am harassing kitties.

Hopefully you do not mind.

[theytookmypants]

What with the where now?

[Someone's reading over her shoulder, munching on a bit of hay.]

Wait. Do you have some kind of beef with the dragons Blue?

[dragonmechanic]

You are a cat.

[J'ACCUSE!]

[magicalrealist]

Of course Hoovesweek wouldn't pass up an opportunity to write about Nightmare Night. Twilight certainly expected it. And hell, the news stand guy hiding from her as he was reading the article wasn't much of a surprise either. None of this was really surprising.

Doesn't mean it doesn't piss her off.

Shortly after picking up a magazine and skimming through the articles, Twilight grimaces and sets it aflame. Considering her recent anger, setting only one copy on fire was her showing restraint.

[ponycure_dream]

"Tw-Twilight...?"

Nozomi had missed a lot of those issues prior, but curiosity had gotten the best of her, especially after her lousy going with the Changling invasion. Some Pretty Cure she turned out to be. Catching Twilight setting one of those magazines on fire, though, got her worried, leading her to trot up to her friend.

"...wh-what's wrong? I mean... what did it say?"

[songoficeandfire]

Uh oh, fire and a magazine meant one thing: Hoovesweek is out.

Yukiko, being the stubborn unicorn that she is, was out trying to get some shopping done but having a cold? Meant sneezing and sniffles.

"Twilight? Did something happen in there?"

[humanesqueheartstrings]

"WOO IMMOLATION!" Exclaimed Lyra, throwing her hooves into the air. Her t-shirt she was wearing under a bomber jacket read "Breaking the Law, Breaking the Law!"

"The rag is pretty bad huh Twiley?" Grinned Lyra. "So what's up? Haven't seen you in ages!"

[robotfightclub]

Not being here for Nightmare Night and missing out on all the fun, Arcee can't help but wonder what the pyrotechnics are for. After all, she always saw Twilight as the levelheaded sort. Even Arcee, as much as she hated the magazine, didn't do anything to damage the thing. Let alone set it on fire.

"I take it you're not a fan."

[queenbees]

[Sorry, Twilight. Old Honeycomb habits die hard, because here's Melissa involuntarily roasting a marshmallow over the flames!

She doesn't realize it's you who did it yet, though.]

1/2

[angry_jerk]

Oh my god, this shit is hysterical. And informative! With this in his hooves not only can he learn about the potential enemies around him, but keep himself entertained with the pathetic articles interspersed between the ones with actual informa-

[angry_jerk]

WAIT WHAT. DRAGONS HARASSING KITTIES.

THIS.

THIS IS TERRIBLE!

He immediately jumps up from his seat and races to ensure Mr. Mumbles is in a safe place.

And before News Stand noticed he didn't pay for the paper, but details.

[Private Visual]

[cape_and_wizard_hat]

[Late in the day, in the private of her own cart, Trixie opens the scroll to contact Zetta. She isn't in Ponyville right now, but she still has a big smug grin and a copy of Hoovesweek is dangling in a pink magical aura.]

Ha! Trixie demands you to recall what she hath said to you! There is naught a single article about Trixie's relationship with you in this issue of Hoovesweek!

[Private Visual]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Hmm. That's a shame. I still think you're a good enough performer to shamelessly gossip about in a magazine of questionable veracity, though!

[He's totally just trying to fry her brain...]

[dragonmechanic]

[Oh, a magazine. That's different, might as well settle in and read an article or two and see what he needs to know about... wait. What?]

I do not harass cats, I am extremely personab-... Arcee is a cat?

[Two plus two has finally stopped equalling cucumber!]

[noxequus]

[Luna is quiet as she skims the copy that has found its way to her.

There is little doubt that things were getting more tense... not only with changelings, but dragons, cats... and the shadow fog getting blamed for the weather situation.

What she wanted to do would be but a bandage over a gaping wound, but if it buys even the slightest bit of extra time for others to figure out what is going on...

Without another word, she calmly sets the periodical aside and grabs her scroll, starting to write as she walked. She had to clear a few things with her sister, as well as the mayor of Ponyville.]

[humanesqueheartstrings]

[Lyra takes a bite of cucumber as she reads the Hoovesweek.]

Wow the gossip-rag is pretty mean this month. [Her magic t-shirt also sported a slogan reading 'Alicorns are Best Bedmates']

[She's totally not noticing Luna walking nearby. Or that her shirt was now reading 'Woona Is Best Pone']

[thunderinghero]

"But I do not understand," Utsusemimaru said to no one in particular as he flipped through a copy of Hoovesweek with a look of confusion on his face, "why would they print things that were not the truth? Is that not the job of the news? To inform the populace of the true nature of events?"

[tsunpony]

"It's a gossip rag, Utchy," replied Ako, trotting up and wearing a huge scarf around her neck. "The point is to also entertain and make gossip which travels faster than the speed of light in this town."

"It's also harmless to a point, unless they hit up something sensitive."

[action]

[queenbees]

...

Re: [action]

[forwantofapartycannon]

[Pinkie pops out of a beehive.] YO! What's up?