HOOVESWEEK 5

[ponymeisters]

[Morning, Equestrians! It’s that time again, and the newsponies have a new, fresh stock of Equestria's most-read magazine!]




Queen Chrysalis is at last fallen! But in her place, a new changeling queen has claimed the throne. Is she really sincere about peace, or are we going to see another invasion from those beastly insects who have caused nothing but trouble since the royal wedding? And for that matter, can we trust the off-worlders who have been threatening Equestria since the beginning of Nightmare Night?

Other Top Stories Include:
Title: A Frightful Nightmare Night
by Lamin King

Title: Alicorns Gone Wild! A Night in Los Pegasus
by Hunter S. Topline

Title: Honey and Vinegar: Use In Case of An Emergency
by Dan Knacker

Title: Tom Shanks and The Great Equestrian Movie
by Horse Greeley


BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE:

-A report that Pinkie Pie has created a monster! Our science editor discusses the birth of the creature called Princess Pumice and what it means for the idea of "life" itself.
-A look at the crazy fog which plagued Ponyville. Cloudsdale's weather czar has announced a possible connection between the fog and the disappearing clouds that have now been reported as far west as Appaloosa.
-A report on PONIES RISING FROM THE DEAD. What is that even about? Are they pony-phoenix hybrids? Also, one of the murdered is a murderer and living now on the Ponyville commune. Seems like a dangerous place.
-An opinion piece defending Discord and his crazy antics over the past few months, hinting that his motivation was...love?
-Another op-ed on the sudden influx of off-worlder dragons. Are they getting more dangerous? They certainly seem to be doing something! And why are they harassing kitties?
-A further report on the disappearance of needed rainclouds. The problem seems to be spreading to Baltimare and Hollow Shades now, with local authorities stumped.
-Proof positive of the steamy relationship between Iron Liz and Harvey Finevoice. A kiss and a proposal happened; is a wedding not far behind?
-A review of the best Hearth's Warming gifts from this year around Equestria, including crystalberry jam and the latest installment of Daring Do! Just watch out for that grinch of an 'evil overlord', lest he try and steal them from you!
-Travel and foaleign news (or is it?) is reporting the shocking existence of moon ponies. Not only this, but said mysterious off-world ponies have begun opening up trade and tourism channels through several countries, including Griffaltar and Great Bridle. We're here to give an exclusive review of what to do, what to see, and how anypony can now experience this new frontier through an affordable international intermediary!
-A retrospective of Manehatten's Winter Fashion Week. Included is a profile on the winner of this year's couture contest, 國辔 of Galloxia*, and pictures of the first-timer's out-of-this-world designs and even crazier shoes.

So come one, come all, and read HOOVESWEEK! Only 5 bits a copy - now and forever!

*"Guo Pei", in Seres script, aka the writing system of Galloxia.

((OOC: As usual, feel free to react, or comment on those stories, or even make up seeing others in this issue!

Original picture credit is here.))

Comments

[dragonmechanic]

You are a cat.

[J'ACCUSE!]

[robotfightclub]

[OH SWEET ROBOT JESUS, HELLO. That totally didn't make her jump into the air.]

Wow, you really can see with only one eye! Good job, you passed the test!

[Just going to continue standing there, shaking. JEEZ.]

[dragonmechanic]

[THERE NOW THE HARASSMENT CHARGE IS TRUE everyone can go home.]

You were on audio our entire conversation so I assumed you were a pony like most everyone else.

Instead of a kitty.

[He is not going to mention the fact that she just got scared by a Vehicon. At least not just yet.]

[robotfightclub]

[He came out of nowhere, okay?!

...She really hopes Optimus didn't see that--KITTY? REALLY?]

Come up with that one on your own?

[dragonmechanic]

[Fracas only wishes he could figure out if there's a record feature on this thing because this moment is priceless. He wants to take it home and show it to the other bots in Maintenance.]

It looks like this incredibly accurate magazine discovered how to push your buttons first.

[robotfightclub]

[She can't seem to roll her eyes any harder. At least the shaking's stopped.]

Cute.

Now what do you want? You already said you weren't going to attack me, so obviously just want to waste my time.

[dragonmechanic]

I just wanted to confirm that a cat was threatening me, really. 'Cause I never really thought the day would come when I didn't have to live in fear of you.

Which means the Pit has officially frozen over.

[And really, he is so relieved about that. He'd gotten so tired of being afraid of everyone more important than him. Fear was exhausting.]

[robotfightclub]

Excuse me?

[Said cat can't help but size him up, ears folded back.]

Just because I'm smaller than you doesn't mean I suddenly can't scrap you anymore. I've always been shorter than you geniuses.

[...]

Then again, you were probably changing light bulbs, so how would you know?

[dragonmechanic]

Vehicons all talk to each other, about everything. We know more about you than you might think.

But your height never came up because it didn't matter. Short, tall, Autobot, Decepticon, we were scrapped all the same.

[He sits down with an audible thump then, narrowing his eyes.]

That's not happening here. Not anymore.

[robotfightclub]

I know. Because we're not fighting anymore.

[She ever so casually begins licking one of her front paws and wipes her head with it.]

Not unless you give me a reason to.

[dragonmechanic]

That's not happening anymore, regardless of the circumstances.

The whole place could go into full-scale war and it still wouldn't happen.

[robotfightclub]

Oh yeah? What makes you say that, Sparky?

[dragonmechanic]

Because I'm not like other Vehicons.

And it's Fracas, or Designation #46391 if that's too hard to remember.
You're not enough of a friend for nicknames.

[robotfightclub]

It wasn't a friend thing, trust me.

[And let's face it, it's Arcee. She's not going to bother remembering either of those names.]