mylittlejamjar | 2nd Experiment

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2nd Experiment

[Have an awkward looking unicorn, Ponyville.]

Right. So. First off, just wanna say, I'd like to apologize for a little... misunderstanding. That occurred when I arrived here. I had assumed this was. A different universe. I don't plan on taking over anyone [He coughs quickly in a way that sounds a little like "for now".]. No ill intentions.

You should really learn to differentiate yourselves more.

Now, to business. Assuming terrifying elder gods aren't your usual cup of acids, I'd like to offer my assistance in any matters relating to said horrors. In a scientific aspect, of course. Don't even want to think about going near something like that unprepared again.

On a more... personal note, can someone direct me to a place to spend my nights? And that local library? It appears my GPS didn't arrive with me.

[A voice off-screen scoffs.] And he never got off his behind and actually explored his surroundings.

[Linksano turns to glare at the voice... presumably. His eyebrows are hidden behind the goggles, but his frown is very visible.]

Do you mind? Now I have to film the whole thing all over again!

Wha- isn't it live?

Of course not! Its quite clearl- oh. Drat.

[The scroll immediately shuts off.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

....Really?

I mean no offense man, I'd just think someone who'd had experience with them would like...

Have a melty face. Or limbs horribly out of place. Or a scar at least.

I'm very talented at my craft!

...And very very lucky, to be honest.

So if studying them isn't exactly what you do, what is...exactly...what you do?

That'd probably be a part of it. I mean we usually don't see them where I'm from but, you know.

Sometimes a pony just gets pulled through a computer screen into a realm of horror and is never seen again! It's just something that happens!

[And that's completely normal, right?]

Well, right now I sort of found myself work as a scientific adviser for a comic book reviewer. Before then I explored the multiverse.

[Trying to take over various worlds as an excuse to basically do whatever he wanted, but you know.]

Oh yeah, lots of universes have stuff like that going on. Can't really be helped.

[Traveling through the multiverse tends to skew your perception of normal. Hooray, someone who agrees with Surprise.]

Oh. Uh. Well. That's...

[Dumb. Like super dumb. But Surprise really doesn't want to just come out and say that.]

Neat. I didn't know that comic book reviewers really needed scientific advisers. I thought they were kinda just comfortable writing angry blogs.

Well, granted, in the past five years or so I've known him, he's been attacked by murderous robots, malfunctioning holograms, insane scientists, demons with pyramids for heads, universe conquering madmen, and an elder god that planned on absorbing all of existence into itself.

He kind of lives a more interesting life than most internet reviewers.

[Man. Surprise knew people hated internet reviewers, but she didn't know so many, and so varied, could hate them.]

That kind of just sounds like a normal life where I'm from, man.

[Although, hearing the way you say it kind of makes it sound weird and unnatural. And maybe it wouldn't be normal for every pony in her world. But dang it would be close.]

The guy's reviews most have been something to make that many people mad.

It was less about the reviews and more about general murder and mayhem, I think. He has this huge ego so he keeps fighting all these things to get a sense of victory.

But what sort of stuff does your universe have going on?

Man, your friend has to find a healthier way to find purpose!

[Said Surprise, with no trace of the irony such a statement for her should have had.]

Oh, uh, you know.

Despotic rulers, horrible caste systems meant to grind down the little mare, conspiracies, mad science, horrible monsters waiting at the edges of reality...

Just a universe, you know?

Tell me about it. Being taken here is one of the few times I've gotten a break as of late.

Oh, sure sure. Home's home, after all.

Hey man I know what you mean.

I mean being kidnapped into some mirror-verse of my own world by a death god is probably the best thing to happen to me since I graduated. I mean what does that say, man?

Well, the multiverse is a dangerous place. Almost anything can happen. Could be it finally gave you something positive, if just a little bit.

...Yeah. I kinda think so too.

So, uh, who's your friend? The one that was talking with you?

...Does she mean me?

Pretty sure she means you, hold on...

[He quickly tilts the scroll toward this little lady]

Meet one of my more recent creations!

That he hasn't named.

I assumed Linkara wou-

Forget it. I'm the Walking Foam Lizard. Nice to meet you.

Hey, nice to meet you.

[Because really, a little walking foam lizard isn't too weird considering everything else she's seen and done in her life.]

Man, he didn't name you? That's rude. You ever thought of just taking a name yourself.

It is not my responsibility to name anyone! And I was busy!

I... guess I could name myself. I hadn't really thought of that.

Well it's kind of rude if you're gonna make something and not give it a name man. That'd be like having a kid and forcing it to use like ABC blocks to try and figure out what it's called.

Well...sure you could man. I mean, you could call yourself like...Blue. Or Foamy. Or Lizzie.

...I'm sorry man, I'm kinda just focusing on your physical traits. I should probably let you think what you want to be called.

[Was that racist, what she just did? She's not sure if it's possible to be racist to, like, foam lizard creatures.]

I didn't even know she would be able to think, let alone be able to speak. She was just supposed to be a present.

Its a start, at least. Better than Walking Foam Lizard.

[Her name is pretty much at rock bottom right now, she's accepting ALL suggestions.]

Man, come on!

Don't say that right in front of Lizzie!

[Yeah, she's just going to go ahead and call it Lizzie. Hell. She doesn't know anything better to call it.]

How would you like it if your parents were just like "you were born to be a present to this random stranger?" Have some decency towards the things you make, man!

Bu- I'm not her father!

Oh Celestia, are you?

No! I mean, I created you and all but-

[CUE ALL THE SHOCK AND HORROR FROM BOTH OF THEM.]

Oh sweet mother of hawking no.

Kill me.

Okay I think you both might be taking this a bit too hard, you know!

I mean, sure mistakes were made but this could still work out in the end! I mean you have a chance to get to know each other better now! It could be a fresh start for your relationship here!

[Clearly the father-daughter relationship between this foam lizard and mad scientist man is very important.]

My father is a man who created me with a giant wire sticking out of my back. This doesn't bode well.

I told you, its integral for your spine to work.

Also not a good sign.

Well, okay, that shows kind of a lack of foresight - like a massive lack of it - but we're not here to judge! I mean no father's perfect. I mean, every father misses like a soccer game once in a while or like a school play or something! And once in a while a father just might make a horrible design that'll effect their child's spine and their every movement!

Every father finds their own way to make mistakes but that's okay, because we'll make those same mistakes with our children! That's being a family, man: it's a circle of mistakes no one really learns or grows from!

Edited 2014-08-29 08:08 (UTC)

...Uh. Wow. I really meant that to be a lot more inspirational, you know, but that all kind of just came pouring out.

Sorry about that.

2nd Experiment

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