mylittlejamjar | First Flight

Every corruptive amulet changes people. The longer they wear it, the worse they get. I had worn one for a time once. I went from just wanting to prove myself stronger than someone to considering overthrowing Equestria...

But that should be no excuse for what you do when the amulet is worn, even though everyone else seems to think so for some strange reason.

[Trixie sighs.]

...It had hurt, seeing another corruptive amulet incident happen like that. It was like the worst moment in my life being thrown back in my face all over again. I admonished him for being so stupid and reckless with that amulet and ignoring my warning. After all, the same should have been done for me.

But all I got was somepony accepting my apology.

But by that logic, if he didn't remember what you said, and you didn't tell him after... he technically wasn't warned while he was fully conscious.

There should be no actual 'excuse' for anything, but it does not make them a monster if they were not in their right mind. It sounds like more could have been done to prevent it, and if so, there should have been. If anyone knew an amulet was causing the trouble, why didn't anyone try to remove it from him forcibly? Better that than to allow more trouble to happen. I mean, I can't say it was obvious the amulet was causing it or that it was obvious he was wearing it but... if it were and I were in his place I'd prefer someone knocking me out and removing the amulet from me if that's what it took.

It was reckless in its own right, but you say 'ignoring your warning' and it goes right back up to 'more prevention' and a question... why wasn't it repeated if there were any mention of said amulet again?

[~~Insert that one Ace Attorney sound here. You know.~~

Okay, the amulet wasn't exactly like The Alicorn Amulet. She had just assumed...]

Well, the one I had worn could only be removed by me because I was the one wearing it at the time. No one else. I had only just met him and seen that amulet. Suspicion is one thing, but if I knocked him out on the grounds that the amulet had just glowed and made him dizzy, that wouldn't have been right. I just trusted him to be careful.

[He nods.]

I understand. That would've been pretty bad.

But the point still stands that if it was affecting him at the time, that it was possibly too late. I'm not saying that's your fault, since he couldn't remember it and you didn't think to tell him after. And I guess if he turned into a timber wolf, there was no easy way to stop him at that point.

I just think that maybe in the end, you both made mistakes, and learned from them. Somewhat similar mistakes at different times. I mean, we've never had possessive artifacts where we came from. There would've been no way to know it was like that until it was too late, and far too late when the Gala came. And I'm not just saying this because he's another version of me. We've both had our own unique adventures that have changed us, so I can't say I know him as well as I know myself.

...Look, at the time, I didn't know anything about the amulet. So... I guess you're right about it being too late. I should've tried taking it off of him or something. And maybe the amulet was protecting him against my warning...

...But how can I ever forgive him if I can't even forgive myself yet?

Well, you both made mistakes and learned from them, right? Similar mistakes, which ended up with possession and different things happening with them. You remembered yours while he didn't, because I guess you both were possessed differently? Or maybe you were just manipulated and he was fully possessed. I'm not sure.

Either way, I don't know what happened that ended up with you getting possessed or manipulated, but all that came after was against your will. I don't really know you, but you don't seem like a bad person. Not someone who would willingly allow themselves to get possessed and enslave a town. It's like how the other Tails can't blame himself for what happened while he was possessed.

I think... if you've learned from your mistake, as he seems to have learned from his, you shouldn't be blaming yourself. I wouldn't think little of what happened because of it... but it happened in the past. If you really feel like you've bettered yourself from it... there's no reason to blame yourself anymore. You've done all you can as a pony. Nobody's perfect. All we can do is strive to make ourselves the best we can be, and be there for each other.

Edited 2014-12-05 06:04 (UTC)

[Trixie is silent for a moment before sighing an tearing up a little.]

I... I suppose you need a further explanation. One that goes further in the past than The Alicorn Amulet...

Years even before I knew of its existence, I was doing a performance right here in Ponyville... It went well. It was after that where it all started. Those two kids, nips and Snails, had bought an Ursa Minor into town for me to defeat. But I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. My image didn't matter at this point. If I kept it up right then, people probably would have gotten hurt.

I was forced to admit I couldn't defeat an Ursa Minor. And with that confession, my career as a storytelling magician was over. After Twilight Sparkle sent the Ursa Minor back to where it lived, everyone laughed and belittled me. I couldn't make any money; I couldn't even afford the basic necessities of food and water...

I was forced to work on a rock farm. It's the only place where I could get money. But I hate it. I wanted my old life back, entertaining and inspiring others with my stories. I was... eventually fed up enough that I left the rock farm. Especially when I heard of a powerful amulet that would increase my magical strength.

So I went and bought The Alicorn Amulet. I wanted so desperately to get my life back... I just wanted to show up the strongest unicorn I knew. Twilight Sparkle. I was going to challenge her to a Magic Duel, win, and then go on my way, back to telling stories.

But something went wrong. I banished her instead. I took over Ponyville. I mistreated everyone. It was only with the help of her friends that they tricked me into taking it off. It... it was a good thing, too. Who knows what I would've done if I wasn't tricked...? I... I believe I had the power to overthrow both of the princesses...

And you make it sound like forgiving myself is supposed to be easy... Why is it so hard for me, then?

[He listened to the whole story, and when she finished, he thought for a while. A minute, maybe more. He knew there had been more to the story but this? This wasn't what he expected. He still knew little about Equestria and how it worked, but he could still figure out anything he was confused on.]

... I do want to ask a few questions, if that's alright. What kind of performances did you do other than the one you mentioned as a storytelling magician? What did you know about the Alicorn Amulet before you got it?

[It's completely fine with her.]

That' the only type of performance I do. I have a bunch of different stories I tell, and I pull off various magic tricks to go along with the story. Defeating dragons, discovering an underwater ruin, saving people from peril... Whatever the stories, there are magic tricks to go along with them. I put a lot of work to make sure they're as entertaining as possible.

All I knew about the Alicorn Amulet was that it had the ability to give me the magical strength of an Alicorn. That, and where it was located. I bought it in some back-alley curio shop. The amulet was the only thing I was after.

[He guessed right on the performances, at least. Part of him hopes he gets to see one someday.]

So you got ridiculed because you didn't have the strength to defeat a creature? But your performances are supposed to be entertaining, and if they enjoyed all of that, why would something like not being able to defeat a creature cause this? It doesn't seem right.

I would say that it should have rung a few alarm bells in your head, but I guess when it came down to how things ended up, I can't really blame you for the decision you made in buying the amulet. It was for the wrong reasons, but you couldn't have known that it would do such things to you. And given the circumstances, it sounds like what put you through all that was an unfair treatment by other ponies.

Forgiving yourself isn't easy, and that's the thing. Mistakes like that can haunt you for a long time. Even make you think less or differently of yourself. But what matters is if you're actively attempting to better yourself because of it. [He's actually caused and almost caused some incidents back on his own homeworld and in other worlds as well. It took him quite some time to forgive himself for what's happened. There's also the case of his origins...] I know what it feels like to be ridiculed and made fun of. Even though it was for different reasons than you. It was for reasons I couldn't help; I was simply different. It hurts, though. And I can't imagine how much more it hurt you.

Maybe that's why it's hard for you to forgive yourself. Because it's hard to justify all that happened, even without the possession and what came afterward. But it's all in the past now, and you're here, and you can still do performances, whether you currently do or not. I'm sure there'd be plenty of ponies who would love to watch them. I know I definitely would.

I think it'd be easier if you came to terms with what happened rather than trying to forgive yourself. So long as you're trying to make a better pony out of yourself, using what you know and what you can learn, you can make up for past mistakes and look towards the future.

My performances stopped being successful because of how I put myself as the heroine of all of them and made them sound to be true. That' the job of a magician. To make others believe you can do anything they see or hear you do.

[Trixie puts her hoof on the blue sapphire clasp keeping her royal blue cape on. Or her Evoker, as it is in reality.]

I... I've already come to terms with my past. I'm not running away from it anymore...

Still, one bad show doesn't make you a bad magician - it was an oversight, an error, nothing more. You didn't deserve to be ridiculed for it. You did the right thing by admitting the creature was too strong and not letting anyone get hurt. I mean sure, it messed things up, but in the reality of it all, you didn't want anyone to get hurt, and that's what matters.

You don't think they'd be successful now if you tried?

My performances? I've been doing them ever since that amulet was off of me. Princes Luna and I also had some business together as she worked with me on a show two Nightmare Nights ago. That was when I got my- er, when I came to terms with my past... I'm still surprised that I was able to continue, given with what I'd done...

Oh. Sorry, I guess that confused me a little.

I mentioned earlier that I met him after one of my performances.

[But enough about that.]

...So is there something else I'm supposed to do?

[That was a lot of information to process, Trixie. Give him a small break at least. ~~A small explosion sign went off somewhere. He totally lost one of his nonexistent objection marks there.~~]

Well, you've come to terms with your past already... but given the circumstances that caused you to get the amulet, and the fact that you're doing the performances again, don't you think you can forgive yourself now? It still may not be easy, but if it's something you feel you can do, maybe you should.

[There's a short pause.]

...I don't know if I can right now. I don't know how to. ...I thought once that if I could defeat The Pale Pony, I would be able to do so...

I've never had to forgive myself for anything before... Every performance I made, I tried making it go as smooth as possible. Every heckler that tried to step in my way, I sent them packing.

[Trixie sighs.]

...But if forgiving myself is the only way to get rid of this guilt, I'll... just have to try and find a way...

[Wow. He didn't think he'd actually be able to get this far. But to be truthful, after hearing all of Trixie's story and trying to help her though it, he felt like he understood her somewhat. As much as he could understand her through just the story. And he felt really, really bad for her after hearing her past. It made him think... what if he had succumbed and did the same thing? Tried desperately to do something to impress everyone and feel like he had a purpose? He didn't screw anything up that was his fault, or even something that he could help, but he was still belittled, ridiculed, made a mockery of, and had no friends on his home island. Their situations were very different, but at the same time, similar in their own way. Hopefully he wouldn't mess up here.]

We all make mistakes, no matter how big. Learning from them and working to forgive ourselves for them through other positive actions is how we better ourselves. Just letting it sit and moving on won't fully solve the problem if it still haunts you even afterward. I know it might take a while to find a way, but... it sounds like until you do, your past won't stop haunting you about the guilt you're feeling.

I'm able to tell you all this because... through both action and inaction, I've done things I regret too. I've made mistakes and nearly gotten my best friends killed or seriously injured because of them. Nobody's perfect, and I'm no exception. I was young, somewhat naive, unaware of what consequences my actions could bring at times. I've been fueled by anger, remorse, regret... We may not have made the same mistakes, but I do understand why you did what you did. And I think if you ever do forgive yourself... maybe things will get better. It doesn't have to be right now, or even today. You can't rush something like this. Just... be yourself. Don't try to do something like trying to defeat the Pale Pony. [Who is, as he understands, ridiculously overpowered.]

[Trixie huffs, a little frustrated. She was told before that she needs to forgive herself after she publically confessed after that one Nightmare Night. This is nothing new to her.

...Except... this conversation made her better understand what forgiving herself means. Just one step closer.]

...It's obvious what Trixie is trying to do to forgive herself isn't working. Instead of doing her usual performances, it seem she must try new things.

But mark her words, she will find a way! Dare not to doubt it!

[Well, it looks like it worked at least.]

That's the spirit. And I don't doubt you will find a way.

[Now that that's settled...]

...You should count yourself lucky. Trixie does not usually give out private performances. Speaking of which, her next one is scheduled for the eight, my enthusiastic admirer!

I'll definitely come to see it.

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