HOOVESWEEK 4

[ponymeisters]

[Morning, Equestrians! It’s that time again, and the newsponies have a new, fresh stock of Equestria's most-read magazine!]




Earthquakes ruining perfectly poised soufflés baked across the lands of Equestria, pirate pillow fights, vicious cockatrice statues that turn ponies to stone, and a changeling therapist in Ponyville? Hold onto your horseshoes, ponies, because this edition of Hoovesweek is packed full of juicy scandal, eye-witness testimony, and the most important information you’ll read today!

Other Top Stories Include:
Title: It Starts With an Earthquake: Running of the Leaves Excitement!
by Whinny Bruce (Editor’s Note: Mr. Bruce is not afraid. Despite being seismophobic.)

Title: Celestia’s Old Shame: The Bertha Origin Story
by Fair N. Balanced

Title: Doctor, Doctor! Ponies Reign Triumphant Over Cockatrice Threat!
by Keith Olbercolt

Title: Twilight Sparkle: A Tale of Two Mares
by Lesley Stall


BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE:

-A report on the strange message that appeared at the end of the Running of the Leaves. What horrors await on Nightmare Night and who is 'her'? Nightmare Moon?! The author offers their wild speculations.
-Profiles for each of the top three racers in the Running of the Leaves. Unfortunately, the author seems to have honed in on the negatives, focusing on Nephenee’s ‘unintelligible’ accent, Pollo’s blank flank, and Reginald Jeeves’ apparent connection to one Bertram Wooster, the stallion who broke Fluttershy’s heart at the Sweet Apple Acres hoedown. The author suggests Mr. Jeeves may be the reason for that nasty break-up.
-An eye witness account from a Very Grateful Ice Creamer of the Wondrous Bolt rescuing a foal from a run-away apple cart and taking them out for ice cream after. And saving the ice cream stand from bankruptcy. It would seem the mysterious heroine is actually a hero! And he’s been named accordingly. Thank you, Wondrous Bolt! Thank you!
-A further report on the disappearance of needed rainclouds. The problem seems to be spreading to Baltimare and Hollow Shades now, with local authorities stumped.
-An op-ed of the fabulous Rarity’s fall and winter line-up. The reviewer has favorable commentary on the fashions, but seems to focus an awful lot on the designer's ‘captivity’ with Zetta and what that might mean for her reputation.
-A gossip report on one of the new ponies, a Gentarou Kisaragi, bursting into rainbows when in the presence of a honey-colored pony. Speculation is rampant on just how likely it is a pony can be talked to death. Also, was that a dragon kissing her?
-An eye-witness account of one pony who saw the changeling ‘therapist,’ Hain, gorging himself on emotion. They’ve never seen something so vile! It’s an outrage, the princesses letting his sort run free. At least that’s what the witness thinks. The author is surprisingly balanced, mentioning several other ponies who have expressed appreciation for the changeling’s advice.
-In entertainment and foaleign news, the latest pop sensation out of Japonī, FOALMETAL, are coming to Equestria for a five month tour. They will be hitting up concert venues from Fillydelphia to Tall Tales, so be sure to check your local ticket seller for dates!
-An interview on Discord by...Discord, detailing an extraordinary aerial pillow fight. It devolves rather quickly into arguing about which Discord won the fight. (Editor’s note: We don’t know how this keeps getting in. We’ve given up trying to get rid of it.)

So come one, come all, and read HOOVESWEEK! Only 5 bits a copy - now and forever!

((OOC: As usual, feel free to react, or comment on those stories, or even make up seeing others in this issue!

Original picture credit is here.))

Comments

[Action]

[pseudacteon_emigre]

[Seeming to want to feed Handy's anxieties, he gives up the Hoovesweek without a fight. He could get another one, after all.

Besides, it wasn't like they NEVER brought up the Doctor's alleged changeling-ness, it just wasn't brought up directly, and the word "changeling" was never used. 'Impostor' apparently was just as good.]

Perhaps that's part of the problem. Your lack of similarity means that you're not only rumored to be a changeling, but suggested to be a rather crappish one.

I suppose I have you to thank; the more comfortable Ponyville gets with you, the less they will fear of me.

[Perhaps a bit of an unfair dig, but it seemed appropriate given the previous discourse he and Handy had.]

[Action]

[bluesuit_hoofy]

[THWAP! Handy slams the paper open on the ground, standing with a forehoof on either page as he reads like the wind, brow deeply furrowed. He's skimming, watching for the word 'changeling' with righteous fury ready to boil over as soon as he sees it. When he reaches the bottom of the page without seeing it, he frowns and flicks his eyes upward to start over -- but lifts his head and glares at Hain instead.]

That's -- I don't even have words for how stupid that is. You would have to invent a word, a new word, to say how completely stupid that is.

[Action]

[pseudacteon_emigre]

And yet that is the way things are.

[He meant that in more ways than one - if Handy was saying it was stupid that he was getting a warmer reception because of the Doctor's presence, he had evidence to back up his claim; at the very least word of mouth from the natives. On the other hand, if Handy was saying that it was stupid that he'd spin the article to be about Handy being a changeling... stupid it may have been, but Handy bought it unquestioningly, didn't he?]

[Action]

[bluesuit_hoofy]

[It had really been more the latter -- and the idea that if he were a changeling, he'd be crappish. He's good at everything he does clearly not a changeling.]

I'm taking this. [And he starts rolling the paper up. Yep, totally going to steal Hain's paper and flee this conversation.]

[Action]

[pseudacteon_emigre]

I'm certain you are. It's not thievery if you're honest about it.

[Was that sincere or sardonic? It's really hard to tell with that tone of voice.]

[Action]

[bluesuit_hoofy]

[More like it's not stealing if he's taking it from someone like Hain. Handy lifts an eyebrow as he takes the rolled paper in his mouth, then haughtily trots off with it.]