1st Revenge [Visual]

[angry_jerk]

[Today on the scroll network, the pony community may get the distinct honor of meeting this lovely batpony. The one glaring at the feed.]

Alright, here's how this is gonna work. Whoever is in charge of this vacuous collection of depravity, send me home immediately. Even if you do not, I will be merciful and choose to simply OBLITERATE this asinine carouse of deceit!

If you heed my words and don't try to bilk me of my safe return, I will try and forget that I have been kidnapped against my will, transformed into this abomination, dropped off in some candy coated sinkhole, with-

[He pauses mid-rant.]

On second thought, SCREW THE DEAL! I'LL ERADICATE WHATEVER MALEVOLENT JERKWAD THAT THINKS IT CAN STULIFY ME BY TURNING ME INTO A HORSE! I'll PURVERIZE YOU! I’LL EVISCERATE YOU! I'LL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!

[He finally stops to take a deep breath.]

...So, get back to me when you get this.

...I'm Dan.

Comments

[hangthedj]

Yeah, tried that once, didn't really work out. The not talking, I mean. I'll die when I'm good an' ready.

Guess you're just stuck with me, huh?

[visual]

[honeycombing]

When it comes to threatening ponies' lives?

[STARE.]

No. You. Don't.

[angry_jerk]

Excuse me if no one here has shown themselves worthy of any OUNCE of respect.

[tinkertytonk]

Flying's jolly good fun! Really, just the bee's knees! Up and away across the lands and all that.

[He bounces up into the air and starts flapping, holding the scroll at foreleg's length so that Dan can see.]

It takes a bit of getting used to, but I only ran into trees for the first month or two.

[visual] 1/2

[angry_jerk]

[CRAAAP. Stop being so terrifying stopitstopitstopit.]

[visual] 2/2

[angry_jerk]

[Wait no, stay strong on this Dan. You can do this.]

Sure I can! Freedom of speech says so. It's my American right.

[Sticks out tongue.]

[polyturtle]

"There is no respect for others without humility in one's self."

[angry_jerk]

[UGH SO BRITISH]

I don't have months. I need to get home, you ignoramus.

Besides, I still have a jetpack in progress to finish. That'll keep me solid on the flying front.

[Still, he gives the wings a quick sidelong glance.]

[angry_jerk]

...Yeah. And there's no respect in your "mumahna mumahna".

[visual]

[snowpointvictor]

[Yeah, Zoey doesn't even know this guy and already she's picking up a very strong 'Paul' vibe from this Dan guy.]

A few things: one, threatening people here doesn't work. Two, there's plenty of people here trapped and tranformed into ponies. The screaming isn't helping anything. And third? No one knows who sent us here, but it wasn't the people in charge of this world.

[visual]

[angry_jerk]

[He briefly mumbles something like "make lists at me, I'll make you a list you brat."]

1. Threatening people always works! How do you think PETA got power?

2. Same as the first, but replace threatening with screaming and PETA with the Salvation Army.

3. Sure, that's what they say. I don't expect a brat to understand how corruption works.

[tinkertytonk]

[Bertie frowns, more because he's concerned the fellow isn't going to like his answer to that than offense at the name-calling.]

I'm afraid all of our lives have been put on hold for a bit. Harvey's had this happen to him before, though. And Pinkie. Not this exactly. I mean, Pinkie's already a pony, so it's not so very odd to be one, but this sort of thing: Getting snatched up out of their lives for no apparent reason. They said time sort of stopped back where they'd been taken and when they got back it's as though they'd never left. So, really, there's nothing to worry about if you've got anything pressing on.

We are trying to figure all this out, but it's dashed mysterious. Pale ponies and birds disappearing in rainbows.

[angry_jerk]

...I'm in hell, aren't I? This is what hell is like.

[visual]

[snowpointvictor]

What part of 'from different worlds' don't you get? I'm probably not from the same world as you, and so I'm never heard of these 'PETA and Salvation Army' places you mentioned.

Don't you have something better to do than insult people you don't know? Pettily I might add?

[hangthedj]

Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

[And then cackling. Cackling like a fairy tail witch on a vodka binge. This is seriously too good.]

[Visual]

[taiyoooohhh]

[And amidst all these ponies there's also a phoenix.]

Such threats! Do you truly intend to follow up on your actions? Or are you merely blowing hot air?

[angry_jerk]

[He nods a little at the info dump, but he rolls his eyes slightly.]

Time freezing and more dumbheads. Perfect.

Look, this is all really irrelevant to the fact that I? AM NOT HOME.

Besides, I doubt you and your crazy associates have any of the special cat food Mr. Mumbles eats. SO THAT'S NO HELP.

[angry_jerk]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[visual]

[angry_jerk]

No world is nice enough to not have PETA or the Salvation Army. Science fact.

BAH! My allegedly petty threats make my point to whatever evil deviant brought me here: send me and Mr. Mumbles home before I smash him/her in the coccyx.

[Visual] 1/3

[angry_jerk]

I'm less planning on blowing hot air and more BLOWING UP YO-

[Visual]

[angry_jerk]

[Visual] done

[angry_jerk]

...the hell are you supposed to be?

[hangthedj]

[Golf claps for all.]

Excellent, really solid work there. Theater troupe's gonna let you in for sure.

[visual]

[snowpointvictor]

How is that a fact? How many worlds have you been to?
... Yeah, good luck with that. [Can you feel the sarcasm oozing from her, Dan?] I doubt you even know how to do the most basic stuff here.

[angry_jerk]

How DARE you degrade me to the level of insufferable beings such as theatre troupes?! You worthless slime!