mylittlejamjar | Requiem for a Scheme [Text]

Requiem for a Scheme [Text]

I didn't do any of it for you... but I'm almost dismayed how stupid you all were. How many times, Equestria, did I say that I wouldn't resort to cheat tricks and dirty tactics to claim the throne and rulership of the world? Even I've admitted to more than a few of you that I'll have to work with you all to take out the Pale Pony once and for all.

And what happened when this all began? You friendship-minded ponies who pay lip service all assumed the absolute worst. And then you behaved like total jerks. You couldn't even put up a real fight or stop me, so you just decided to be pains in my ass. Messing with my castle? Throwing stuff through the windows? Broadcasting music over the Everfree? Waterboarding my changeling minion with my own freaking milk?

But that's not what amuses the hell out of me. What amuses the hell out of me is that you're still up to all of it. Even with everything out in the open, you're still writing angry notes to me denying me service and locking me out of your shops and keeping me away from your goods... and keeping my damn couch. And still broadcasting music over the Everfree.

I was working to defeat the person who brought us here, who has eaten the souls of your friends, who's done horrible things to you just because she could, and what do I get? Rage and fury, indignation and mockery, pranks and torment. I'm actually kind of impressed. Very demonic. I've said Equestria wasn't that much unlike a Netherworld already. Guess I was more right than you know.

Well, ponies, here's your chance to find out who you are. Right now, the damn Pale Pony has blocked all of my freaking mana power. Fact is, I can barely even move, which is a real pain in the ass when my freaking couch is gone. No spells, no minions... not even the changelings, I gave them time off with pay after the whole milk incident.

I'm as alone and defenseless as you could ever want me. So if you want to put an end to evil? Or just rid Equestria of a nuisance? Or just get whatever petty acts of revenge you want? Now's your chance. Let's see your true nature. Let's give me one last laugh as Calice turns out to be more right about you all than she was about me.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[She merely rolls her eyes.]

I would hardly consider consider you the greatest evil the world has ever faced and quite frankly, I think you would do better as a good guy when it comes to protecting the world. In your own way of course.

We've had this discussion before.

[Which just goes to show that either Zetta really is weak, or that Rarity is special -- he's willing to put the debate aside instead of defending his pride to the death.]

Has anyone ever mentioned to you that you have an amazing body? Because the way you're leaning in to me, it's making it very clear that you have an amazing body.

I know and it is a discussion I fear shall never be resolved.

[She would rather think it's because she is special to him.]

One or two ponies, but no one in recent memory.

[Save for him of course.]

Of course my body is amazing. I do try to keep it in top shape both for beauty and fighting.

[He'll never admit to anything! Not even to himself, it's how he is. But a point in his favor is that, far from being irritated by her total lack of modesty, Zetta likes and approves of it.]

[And seriously, how are other ponies not lined up at her door? It doesn't make any sense. Then again, Equestria seems to be home of some pretty hot girls in general. Is the bar just that much higher here?]

Glad it wasn't recent. I can't go menace them at the moment. [Though he's obviously joking, since Rarity is -- as he knows perfectly well -- more than capable of making her opinions known on whether such remarks are welcome.]

[One could say that.]

Oh? I think I'd like to see you try and menace some of them. Or, at least the ones I didn't tell off for roaming eyes.

[Of course she knows he's joking. It lets her tease right back.]

I think at least one of them you would find rather hard to intimidate.

Huh. I don't think I ever managed to get told off for roaming eyes. [And those eyes HAD roamed, don't think for a second they hadn't. Maybe he's just lucky in that he has no visible ocular structures.] You know I'd just beat 'em up if the menacing failed.

Then maybe I simply do not mind your roaming eyes as much as others.

[His comment about beating up the one mare she had in mind he couldn't intimidate made her giggle.]

And if that mare could instantly heal and withstand virtually anything you could throw at her? Then what.

Then I wouldn't worry, because someone who can just shrug off what I can do doesn't exist. [Which so far had been entirely true, in his experience. Even drastically weakened, he'd managed to put some serious beatdown on Calice after all, hadn't he?]

[Rarity simply rolled her eyes. Considering the mare she was thinking of, he would be surprised. However, she wasn't about to let this turn into an argument.]

Of course dear. However, just in case you do inevitably come across a pony that can 'shrug' off what you can do, I shall be waiting near by to either help or piece you back together.

[Did you miss what he did to Calice, Rarity? If she hadn't whipped out that cheap power-theft crap, he'd have ended it right then and there.]

I'm not much for getting help. But there's a hell of a lot to be said for a girl who can fight by my side. And even more to be said for one that looks incredible doing it. Guess I can't complain there.

If you did complain, I may have to walk out and leave you all alone to fend for yourself.

[She's teasing of course and no, she didn't miss what happened with Calice. But, that's not entirely what Rarity was referring to.]

[Ordinarily, he'd protest that he didn't need the help anyway, nor did he want pity or sympathy. But... that might actually bother her. So he won't be doing that.]

[And he's too weak to do what he'd really prefer to do instead, which is grab her and make out with her for a few hours or so. Which was a damn shame.]

If I have a complaint, it's that we haven't gotten to fight on the same side yet.

[Such a shame indeed.]

Then perhaps we shall change that at some point, if you wish to do the right thing more often.

I've known that my interests and Equestria's interests would align for a while now. I hate to say it, but we're all on the same side.

That being the case, then perhaps we shall fight together sooner than you think.

Edited 2014-11-05 06:31 (UTC)

There's a lot of things I look forward to doing together with you. [Although all Zetta can do at the moment is offer her a playful leer.]

[She rolled her eyes at the playful leer.]

Darling, you are in no shape at the moment for those kind of activities and I dare say that if that is what you want, I am going to make you work for that privilege.

What the hell do you think I've been doing for months now? [Zetta, at least, has enough strength to manage a chuckle. Don't expect many of his trademark evil laughs for a while, though.] You're pretty right about the shape part, though.

[Rarity smiled at his chuckle.]

Oh I know, and you are nearly to your goal.

[She leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek.]

Are you sure you should be telling me that? I might get arrogant.

[...there's so much wrong with that statement, where does she even begin?]

[Where indeed...]

Darling, you are already the most arrogant male I've ever met. I don't think I have to worry about you getting even more so.

Huh. Really. Considering some of history of yours I've seen or heard about, even I'm impressed with myself.

[He grins with his old confident and poise, which lasts exactly three seconds before he realizes he can't really toss his head back properly.]

Damn...

[She cannot help but giggle softly.]

Oh don't get me wrong, King Titan and even General Esteem were arrogant self-centered egotistical bastards, but, you are on a completely different level darling.

You at least know how to take a joke and not blow up an entire city.

That's because I have some freaking confidence. A mild insult can't rattle me when I know my true strength!

[Sure, he's lying! But she is right; he'll yell and stomp around if he's insulted, but destruction generally doesn't come into the picture.]

Of course you do darling.

[Yes, she's aware that he's lying. But, she also knew that with displays of anger he was still more contained than the two stallions she mentioned. Which, is one of the many reasons she considers him a decent pony.]

(no subject)

badassfreakingoverlord - 2014-12-10 04:26 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only