Pinkie Pie (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sailorlaughter) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
mylittlejamjar2014-05-10 02:27 am
sailorlaughter) wrote in mylittlejamjar2014-05-10 02:27 am
Noovesweek Special Report #1
[HOLY CELESTIA IT'S A GRIZZLY BEAR! A GRIZZLY BEAR IN A CLASSY SUIT-AND-TIE COMBO!]
Good evening, nation. It's me, Stephen the Bear, bringing you the first of our new series: Noovesweek Special Reports! This is a serious one, my friends, so put on your serious hats and meet me at Scroll Three.
[He turns to the side, apparently now being viewed by a different scroll.]
Some of you seem to come from worlds with some weird ideas about romance. Particularly the kind with stallions and stallions or mares and mares. So I'm here to sprinkle some good old-fashioned Equestrian truth-sauce on you: it doesn't matter if someone likes stallions or mares. Love is love, and making other people feel bad about who they're in love with is just plain un-Equestrian. It'd be like if I liked blueberry pie, but Applejack liked apple pie, and I told everyone she was a bad pony because of it! Who am I to stand between Applejack and her delicious, beloved apples, am I right? Let me tell you - it would take a far braver bear than me to do anything like that. That mare can really kick.
So from now on...
[He pulls a board out from somewhere, tiny in his massive claws. It reads:
ON NOTICE:
Racism
The thing where people act like they're the bosses of other people's dating
]
...that kind of behavior is officially on notice.
Good evening, nation. It's me, Stephen the Bear, bringing you the first of our new series: Noovesweek Special Reports! This is a serious one, my friends, so put on your serious hats and meet me at Scroll Three.
[He turns to the side, apparently now being viewed by a different scroll.]
Some of you seem to come from worlds with some weird ideas about romance. Particularly the kind with stallions and stallions or mares and mares. So I'm here to sprinkle some good old-fashioned Equestrian truth-sauce on you: it doesn't matter if someone likes stallions or mares. Love is love, and making other people feel bad about who they're in love with is just plain un-Equestrian. It'd be like if I liked blueberry pie, but Applejack liked apple pie, and I told everyone she was a bad pony because of it! Who am I to stand between Applejack and her delicious, beloved apples, am I right? Let me tell you - it would take a far braver bear than me to do anything like that. That mare can really kick.
So from now on...
[He pulls a board out from somewhere, tiny in his massive claws. It reads:
ON NOTICE:
Racism
The thing where people act like they're the bosses of other people's dating
]
...that kind of behavior is officially on notice.
[Visual]
[Visual]
I don't think we need to rehash any recent incidents that may or may not have occurred! Everyone involved has hopefully learned their lessons, and has probably already been scolded by scroll enough!
But thank you for the correction, good citizen! We'll update the board!
[Visual]
Just doing what I can, Stephen. [Have a slight salute.]
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[He shoots off a salute in return.]
[Visual]
[Marty no.]
[Visual]
The public disapproval of me, Stephen the Bear, is more than punishment enough! Otherwise, we would ask them to think carefully about their feelings!
Why do you ask?
[Visual]
Oh good, he can live with a random bear not liking him.]No reason. I was... just wondering what the criminal justice is like here?
[Visual]
[Are you aware how bears express their disapproval, Marty]
[Visual]
Of course, right. It is a land of friendship.
[Marty you are the worst at sounding casual about this.]
[Visual]
[Stephen mimics the lack of casualness, as if some secret code was passing between them. It isn't.]
[Visual]
[Crap, he was doing so well at being casual too!]
[Visual]
[He says in exactly the same tone.]
[Visual]
You know it sounds like something's wrong.
[Right now the blatant lying to is bugging him more than anything else. Good job there.]
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[He removes his glasses.] Does it really?
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[He stares off-screen, tapping a claw against his chin for a moment.]
...ah! Did you know that they say Neighpon is ruled by an ancient family of qilin? They're like a cross between unicorns and dragons!
[Visual]
How could you say that about apple pie?! You just need to give it a chance!
[...He's too distracted by bearness to fully pay attention.]
[Visual]
But not if it's an exclusive relationship with Applejack! We wouldn't want to interfere!
[Visual]
Y-Y-You can date pie?!
[Visual]
And really, around here anything is possible. Try talking to the pie first. Ask about its interests or hobbies. If you have things in common with the pie, maybe invite it out for coffee! Just don't order pie with your coffee. That'd be awkward.
[Visual]
[And don't even get him started on pie's betrayer, cheesecake.]
Now if you'll excuse me, I got a bearkery to go to.
[text]
[Or at least he's going to try to make sure it doesn't happen again.]
[text]
Hey Bertie! Y'wanna go have a drink later?[text]
You want to go out to drinks with me, Ms. Hayate? Are you entirely sure?
[text]
Well, you know. You only showed up to explain your position, so you're already a wing up on Dan.
Besides, I make it my policy not to get angry at people for things they can't help, and you made it pretty clear you were raised that way. I mean, I used to be a tremendous racist when I was a kid, so...yeah!
[text]>[visual]
A racist... angel? How did that... has this got something to do with that bit you said about god hating all the humans where you're from?
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"We were literally created to look over humans without knowing why. For hundreds of years, the leading theory was that they were childlike and helpless, that without us they'd all be dead in a few years because they couldn't accomplish anything meaningful themselves."
Hayate sits down and folds her wings in tight against her body.
"Of course, it eventually turned out that Celestria created us to prove to her father that humanity was more than that, and with the proper guidance they could leave behind cruelty and hatred and become something more."
Her posture relaxes a little, her wings not pulled in quite so tightly.
"Anyone that struggles to better themselves has me on their side, okay?"
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"That'd be fine! He has a neat hat."
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[Visual]
[God this place is getting worse and worse. Just WHY a beaver.]
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Am I romancing a pony? Or am I romancing an alien zombie from some other universe?
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But what if the pie likes another pie? Is that okay? And what about donuts?
[visual]
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My love will triumph!
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