mylittlejamjar | Requiem for a Scheme [Text]

I didn't do any of it for you... but I'm almost dismayed how stupid you all were. How many times, Equestria, did I say that I wouldn't resort to cheat tricks and dirty tactics to claim the throne and rulership of the world? Even I've admitted to more than a few of you that I'll have to work with you all to take out the Pale Pony once and for all.

And what happened when this all began? You friendship-minded ponies who pay lip service all assumed the absolute worst. And then you behaved like total jerks. You couldn't even put up a real fight or stop me, so you just decided to be pains in my ass. Messing with my castle? Throwing stuff through the windows? Broadcasting music over the Everfree? Waterboarding my changeling minion with my own freaking milk?

But that's not what amuses the hell out of me. What amuses the hell out of me is that you're still up to all of it. Even with everything out in the open, you're still writing angry notes to me denying me service and locking me out of your shops and keeping me away from your goods... and keeping my damn couch. And still broadcasting music over the Everfree.

I was working to defeat the person who brought us here, who has eaten the souls of your friends, who's done horrible things to you just because she could, and what do I get? Rage and fury, indignation and mockery, pranks and torment. I'm actually kind of impressed. Very demonic. I've said Equestria wasn't that much unlike a Netherworld already. Guess I was more right than you know.

Well, ponies, here's your chance to find out who you are. Right now, the damn Pale Pony has blocked all of my freaking mana power. Fact is, I can barely even move, which is a real pain in the ass when my freaking couch is gone. No spells, no minions... not even the changelings, I gave them time off with pay after the whole milk incident.

I'm as alone and defenseless as you could ever want me. So if you want to put an end to evil? Or just rid Equestria of a nuisance? Or just get whatever petty acts of revenge you want? Now's your chance. Let's see your true nature. Let's give me one last laugh as Calice turns out to be more right about you all than she was about me.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What the hell is this?

[After puzzling his way through the letter, Zetta at last squints at the creature, trying to decide if his pride will allow him to accept it.]

*Hey, come on, it's a gesture of respect! Would a demon offer to lend a minion to someone who hadn't managed to impress him? The bloodgoyle, for its part, just sits there and waits for orders. It's done what its master told it to do, so now it's just waiting for something to react to.*

[Yes. For spying and later treachery.]

[Zetta glares at it for a while longer, then finally works up the energy to grumble.] How about you clean up all the invisible blood?

*They can't even talk! Case in point, it squawks like the predatory bird its front resembles and then sets about looking for cleaning supplies to get to work.*

Requiem for a Scheme [Text]

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