mylittlejamjar | Requiem for a Scheme [Text]

I didn't do any of it for you... but I'm almost dismayed how stupid you all were. How many times, Equestria, did I say that I wouldn't resort to cheat tricks and dirty tactics to claim the throne and rulership of the world? Even I've admitted to more than a few of you that I'll have to work with you all to take out the Pale Pony once and for all.

And what happened when this all began? You friendship-minded ponies who pay lip service all assumed the absolute worst. And then you behaved like total jerks. You couldn't even put up a real fight or stop me, so you just decided to be pains in my ass. Messing with my castle? Throwing stuff through the windows? Broadcasting music over the Everfree? Waterboarding my changeling minion with my own freaking milk?

But that's not what amuses the hell out of me. What amuses the hell out of me is that you're still up to all of it. Even with everything out in the open, you're still writing angry notes to me denying me service and locking me out of your shops and keeping me away from your goods... and keeping my damn couch. And still broadcasting music over the Everfree.

I was working to defeat the person who brought us here, who has eaten the souls of your friends, who's done horrible things to you just because she could, and what do I get? Rage and fury, indignation and mockery, pranks and torment. I'm actually kind of impressed. Very demonic. I've said Equestria wasn't that much unlike a Netherworld already. Guess I was more right than you know.

Well, ponies, here's your chance to find out who you are. Right now, the damn Pale Pony has blocked all of my freaking mana power. Fact is, I can barely even move, which is a real pain in the ass when my freaking couch is gone. No spells, no minions... not even the changelings, I gave them time off with pay after the whole milk incident.

I'm as alone and defenseless as you could ever want me. So if you want to put an end to evil? Or just rid Equestria of a nuisance? Or just get whatever petty acts of revenge you want? Now's your chance. Let's see your true nature. Let's give me one last laugh as Calice turns out to be more right about you all than she was about me.

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And what's 'justice' in this situation, then?

Well, if you'd really been the enemy, it would be to destroy you with my powers.

But since you weren't in the end, frilly dress and a kitten.

Edited 2014-09-24 18:39 (UTC)

You could at least stop looking like me while you say that, damn it.

...I dunno, maybe this should be the other part of your punishment!

[At this, she exits the room. Her voice still echoes from the next room.]

Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha!! Minions, get me a frilly dress and the most adorable kitten you can find!

Edited 2014-09-25 16:32 (UTC)

[Zetta will just be sitting here, waiting patiently, for his imposter to realize there are no minions. He hadn't been joking about that; with his power completely suppressed, they had been basically extinguished like so many candles, and until he had enough mana power back to reincarnate them, he's alone.]

[Five minutes later.]

...I'll be back in an hour.

I'll still be here. Not going anywhere... obviously.

Right then.

[And so "Zetta" leaves. About, eh, an hour and a half later, Minako - back in "Zetta" disguise after her romp in town - is back with the promised threats.]

Nyah-ha-ha-ha-ha! You ready to play dress up!?

You're really going all-out to sell my "ponies are petty jerks" theory, aren't you?

Well, I did have time to think about it...I think Twi will find it hilarious at least.

[The kitty mewls.]

Besides, I was going to make you pretty with the make-up! Not sarcastic pretty, I'm a professional.

Good luck with that. I can still move my head.

You don't really want to do that, Blush tastes awful.

[This started to become less 'revenge' and more 'I want to see if you'll look cute as a girl because...well, I've got nothing better to do' at some point during that last hour, didn't it.

...Yes. Yes it did.]

Edited 2014-09-27 20:19 (UTC)

You'd be surprised what I want to do... apparently.

You like the taste of blush?

Possibly better than I like the look of it. Makeup is stupid!

Have you ever used makeup?

{Zetta glares at his doppelganger, mixing contempt and indignity in one loathsome package.] Someone wearing my form should never question how gorgeous I am, without makeup.

Hey, I'd think a badass freaking overlord wouldn't care if he had makeup on or not!

I have my dignity. And my standards. I'm too gorgeous for makeup!

Psh, nopony is too gorgeous for makeup. Unless they put it on wrong.

Heck, with a bit of touch up your...legendary good looks would become even more legendary.

Never! Natural beauty is best! Makeup is just gilding the lily!

[It isn't as progressive as it seems when one considers that demons generally end up being really hot or very monstrous. Plain and average rarely existed in the Netherworld. Still, he means what he says!]

...You make a fair point.

[Huh, he actually does sound sincere.

Ok then. just the dress then. LET'S PUT IT ON SHALL WE?]

[Have fun with that. Zetta is a powerful and thus heavy unicorn, and though he doesn't have the strength to resist, he doesn't even have the strength to move. He's basically one dead weight lying there. Nothing impossible, but definitely some effort to dress.]

[Yeah, she got that idea as she picked him up. Thankfully, she was used to picking up heavy items on a routine basis, abd being a sailor soldier did give some strength bonuses, but geez!]

Mmph! Do you eat bricks on a regular basis or something?

[Zetta would be enjoying this a lot more if she was in her natural form instead of his own. This just feels very weird.]

It's called muscle mass! And you're a cheap pretender to my power if you're struggling like this!

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