mylittlejamjar | APPLE FACTS 15: THE AVERAGE PERSON EATS 65 APPLES A YEAR

Hi suckers, it's your old buddy Jappleack giving you like, a ring on these stupid damn scrolls. You probably know me best as "that crazy maniac who keeps jumping into the weird bitch that's keeping us here", but I've got a special proposition for you: how would you like to be that exact kind of dangerous maniac?

See, I'm planning to head back into Calice when March rolls around with a few others, and you know what? I'm feeling so generous I'm going to be opening the gates to the public for a chance to go and have a look-see inside her this time around. You might be asking "but Jappleack can you really take all those people?" And the answer is hell no, I sure as shit can't take everyone who wants to come. We're going to have to limit how many others from outside the group I've got going we're bringing. So any of you who want to come, you can volunteer and from that pool we'll pick a lucky five.

How will we decide who gets to come? Simple. We're going to do it like any civilized people do it when they elect political leaders or lottery winners or virginal sacrifices: we're going to put names into a hat and then scoop those bitches out.

Couple things you should know before you decide you're going to jump your ass up to volunteer. First, I'm not going to bother telling you how dumb and dangerous this is because even I understand that shit. But I will tell you that time gets flashed right the hell up in there, so while it might seem like we're in her for a hour? A couple weeks might have passed here. So I'd have an empty ass schedule if you wanna come.

Secondly. we're here to do a couple things inside her. What we aren't going to be doing is goddamn rescue missions in trying to find people we care about and pulling them out or trying to attack and start a fight with this bitch. I understand you wanting to save the people you care about, but this isn't the time to try that yet. What I'm not going to be understanding about is if you decide the time has come to try and fight her and prove you're some damn big hero inside of her. You wanna be a dumbass who'll endanger themselves then more power to you dipshit, but you aren't getting everyone into trouble because of your hero complex or inferiority complex or whatever it is. I mean you here especially, little blue. Anyone who tries that shit is a one and done deal; you ain't coming around for a second ride.

So, with that all out of the way?

Who's ready and willing to do some of the dumbest shit they could do in their lives?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Look, it's really hard to describe it. I just met him one day and he offered me a job. That is pretty much it.

See, that shit ain't so hard. Just say that the next time dude.

Alright, but you don't think that people will think it's weird that it sounds like I befriended my boss?

Not any weirder than the subtext of the first way you put it.

Right.

[This is the face of a man who knows Jappleack is right but doesn't want to admit it.]

So, ah, when are you going to decide who's going with you guys, anyway?

First couple days into March. I'll let everyone know who's going then, and the day after that we'll be busting our asses into this thing.

Soon. But I don't want to just get into it immediately.

[He nods.]

Thanks again.

... If I don't get in, you promise that Doc won't get hurt, right?

[Because honestly he doesn't know if he can handle having Doc die again, especially so soon after reuniting with him.]

I promise.

No one is going to get hurt if I can help it.

Thanks. I owe you one.

[Of course that's if they don't let Doc die or anything.

APPLE FACTS 15: THE AVERAGE PERSON EATS 65 APPLES A YEAR

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]