APPLE FACTS 15: THE AVERAGE PERSON EATS 65 APPLES A YEAR

[caneattheseapples]

Hi suckers, it's your old buddy Jappleack giving you like, a ring on these stupid damn scrolls. You probably know me best as "that crazy maniac who keeps jumping into the weird bitch that's keeping us here", but I've got a special proposition for you: how would you like to be that exact kind of dangerous maniac?

See, I'm planning to head back into Calice when March rolls around with a few others, and you know what? I'm feeling so generous I'm going to be opening the gates to the public for a chance to go and have a look-see inside her this time around. You might be asking "but Jappleack can you really take all those people?" And the answer is hell no, I sure as shit can't take everyone who wants to come. We're going to have to limit how many others from outside the group I've got going we're bringing. So any of you who want to come, you can volunteer and from that pool we'll pick a lucky five.

How will we decide who gets to come? Simple. We're going to do it like any civilized people do it when they elect political leaders or lottery winners or virginal sacrifices: we're going to put names into a hat and then scoop those bitches out.

Couple things you should know before you decide you're going to jump your ass up to volunteer. First, I'm not going to bother telling you how dumb and dangerous this is because even I understand that shit. But I will tell you that time gets flashed right the hell up in there, so while it might seem like we're in her for a hour? A couple weeks might have passed here. So I'd have an empty ass schedule if you wanna come.

Secondly. we're here to do a couple things inside her. What we aren't going to be doing is goddamn rescue missions in trying to find people we care about and pulling them out or trying to attack and start a fight with this bitch. I understand you wanting to save the people you care about, but this isn't the time to try that yet. What I'm not going to be understanding about is if you decide the time has come to try and fight her and prove you're some damn big hero inside of her. You wanna be a dumbass who'll endanger themselves then more power to you dipshit, but you aren't getting everyone into trouble because of your hero complex or inferiority complex or whatever it is. I mean you here especially, little blue. Anyone who tries that shit is a one and done deal; you ain't coming around for a second ride.

So, with that all out of the way?

Who's ready and willing to do some of the dumbest shit they could do in their lives?

Comments

[thepoweroflove]

I'm going.

[Marty's not even going to hesitate with this.]

[caneattheseapples]

[Well that was quick. Not like she expected it would be a long time before people started volunteering for this. Still, she can't help but feel like you're vaguely familiar for some reason....]

Hey.

I know you.

You're the kid Cameron is hanging out with all the time, ain't ya?

[Private]

[gigglesnortpriestess]

My answer hasn't changed.

[Private]

[caneattheseapples]

Didn't think it would. Good to have you on board still.

...Hey.

You doing okay? You don't, you know. Sound great.

[Visual]

[topgun_textiles]

Whadda you mean, inside?

[Visual]

[caneattheseapples]

Okay, this is going to be some mind-blowing and dumbass shit, but stick with me dude.

So, get this. I can kind of...walk between worlds. Like the space between them, it's called the Void and it's the means that...I guess what we'd call gods use to watch over and send their power through to other worlds. And I tried accessing it here, to see if I could figure any of this crap out.

Thing is, when I tried walking into the Void? I ended up walking inside of the bitch keeping us here instead. And she's got a whole world right the hell in her stomach already, but apparently that shit ain't enough for her.

[visual]

[foolish_seal]

Sign me up, I want a chance to see what we're up against. Maybe try to talk.

[visual]

[caneattheseapples]

You got it dude.

[She is slightly unnerved by how many of the people volunteering so far are teenagers, but hell. Japple doesn't think it really matters that much in the end. This shit affects all of them, it'd be dumb to worry too much about it.]

I got a group I especially want to try and have talk with her, but I ain't gonna complain about any others coming to talk.

[Visual]

[cruel_kindness]

We wanted to go then, we want to go now.

[Visual]

[caneattheseapples]

Kind of thought that was sticking, or hoping it at least. Like I told y'all girls earlier, I'm taking any of us who'll go.

I still think we've got the best chance of reaching her.

[Visual]

[friendshipxfriendship]

Still going, Applejack. I need to know... Need to see her.

[Visual]

[caneattheseapples]

You will, I promise.

I...wouldn't really recommend looking right at her when we first get there. Her gaze is kind of a bitch.

[weaponizedgems]

[Soft sigh.]

I am still going, but did you really have to invite more potential trouble to go along with us?

[caneattheseapples]

Actually? Yeah, I did.

I think if we try to make this all about us, we lose. The others here have a right to see what we're up against and what brought us here and a chance to help. And I think the more of us there are eventually...'meeting' her? The more they'll understand.

[Visual]

[bluesuit_hoofy]

I want to come. If I can see what it's actually like inside her, there's a better chance I can find a way to do something about it.

[Visual]

[caneattheseapples]

Sure. But hey, let's back this up a bit.

In the end, this is going to be a "what we can do about it". There ain't no room for "I" because any "I" in this situation is going to get their teeth kicked into their damn throat by this thing.

An "I" can't help with this. But a "we" can. So yeah, you can do something about it. But I sure as shit hope you don't think you can do it on your own in the end.

[Visual]

[bigsoftie]

I am not afraid of what this being can show me. I want to go.

[Visual]

[caneattheseapples]

Damn big guy, I bet you ain't afraid. Just so long as you know this is more of a sneaking mission and a talky mission than a busting heads mission, I'd be cool to have you in the draw.

Though hell. We might need someone to end up busting shit up anyway, considering how the last time went.

[Visual]

[adandyinspace]

[Oh come on, what the hell?]

Five people? Seriously?

[Visual]

[caneattheseapples]

Yeah. Five people. Seriously.

[Private]

Look. I don't want to make this a goddamn circus or put a bunch of people in danger doing this but I think it's important to let others come, alright? I'm not taking this show away from you, I mean you're the star for better or worse and our ratings are in the shitter to begin with, but they've got a right to know what's inside of her. What she's like.

You want them to understand her, right? Well. They ain't. Not if they don't actually get a chance to meet her on a scale like this.

[Visual]

[poolicide]

...so you're going back inside that...Calice...even after all the shit you went through?

[Just making sure and NO he's not going.]

[Visual]

[caneattheseapples]

Sure am, dude. As many times as I gotta until we all get this right.

[And she just smiles. Try and relax, Cameron.

Really, she isn't doing anything too dangerous, right?]

[vis]

[stormbroken]

I ain't volunteering. Still think it's damn crazy and could end up worse than doin' nothing.

[Plus, she gets the feeling that helping Cálice is going to mean that things end, and she's not quite ready to commit herself to that, even if she'll stay out of the way of people who want it to happen.]

But... there anything I can do on the still-in-Ponyville side of things t'make the process smoother?

[vis]

[caneattheseapples]

Sure. But doing nothing just isn't the kind of shit I do. Tried it once. Wasn't exactly the best time of my life.

Just keep going on. Pray I guess if you wanna, but really the best thing any of us can do is just keep living as long we're here. Not let ourselves be beat down.

[freeasthewind]

I would love to volunteer, but... I'm going on a journey myself. So I guess the only thing I can do is wish you and everyone else luck.

[Feena doesn't smile as she says that, even though she means it. She's so worried. Why do you always have to do such dangerous things, Japple? She wants to ask, but she realizes that would be like the pot calling the kettle black.]

...Come back safe.

[caneattheseapples]

You're heading into the Everfree, right?

Take care of yourself. I'll be back in one piece. You make sure you are too.

[visual]

[polyturtle]

[Surprise's question heavy on his mind, as well as his conversation with Crmsn...]

I can help. I've got skills you can use. And I can make what needs to be made.

[visual]

[caneattheseapples]

You got the skills to pay the bills, shit dude, we'll take you on. Can't guarantee you'll get drawn, but I sure as shit don't mind you volunteering.

[visual]

[needsteaplz]

I'd like to throw my name in. I've seen my fair share of things and I might be able to help.

Re: [visual]

[caneattheseapples]

You got it. Welcome aboard the dumbass express, where this shit don't stop.

[Private Text]

[4thdimensional]

Good afternoon, Ms. Jappleack. I presume you're the co-head of Dandy's research team?

[Private Text]

[caneattheseapples]

Sure am dude. Not sure I'd call us a research team proper, but hey whatever floats your boat.

[Visual]

[scattered_rose]

[He's fairly certain he wants to volunteer. But he has to know more, first. It's the foolish fighter who jumps in on eagerness alone.]

What do you mean 'inside'? And what're you planning on doing once you're in there?

[Visual]

[caneattheseapples]

I mean I can walk between worlds, dude. But when I tried it here I ended up walking into the world she has inside of her. I've been talking and meeting with others trapped there since I first found out I would end up there and that I could take others with me.

Pretty simple stuff. One group of us is going to try talking to her again like we did the last time we were in. A second group is going to meet with someone who has more information for us in the forest inside her.

[visual]

[notgivinguponyou]

[Well that certainly was an invitation.]

I'd like to go, if I can.

[Of course it'd be dangerous. But he had to know just what exactly brought him here.]

Even if I can't, I'll help in whatever way I can.

[visual]

[caneattheseapples]

Don't see why not dude. So long as you ain't heading in there to mess with this thing itself, I don't mind taking you in.

[visual]

[kind_to_all]

[ Just a nod. ]

[visual]

[caneattheseapples]

[She just smiles over at Fluttershy.]

Thank you.

It's scary as hell, I know. But it'll make a big difference.

[sailorlaughter]

Oh, I'm still coming! And I also kinda wanted to ask you if we can bring things in with us?

[caneattheseapples]

I'm pretty sure we can, yeah. What're you thinking of bringing, Pinkie?

[discorderly]

Well, I can't say that sneaking around and not making a spectacle of myself is really my style. But there's something I'd like you to try to do while you're in there.

...something ELSE, I should say. [His request to give Fluttershy his message still stands.]

[caneattheseapples]

Hit me with it.

[Still not your biggest fan, Discord, and a part of her never will be, but she has to admit that it's hard to legitimately hold a grudge against you when you've displayed you haven't done anything wrong. At least not while she's been here. So she'll be listening.

Trying to get a message to Fluttershy will, as before, stand.]

[visual]

[strengthinkindness]

Is...this part of the group of us going?

[visual]

[caneattheseapples]

Sure are. Most of them will probably go with the group to help meet with whoever's giving us info in the forest.

They have a right to know what's inside her, what she's like, just as much as we do.