mylittlejamjar | APPLE FACTS 15: THE AVERAGE PERSON EATS 65 APPLES A YEAR

Hi suckers, it's your old buddy Jappleack giving you like, a ring on these stupid damn scrolls. You probably know me best as "that crazy maniac who keeps jumping into the weird bitch that's keeping us here", but I've got a special proposition for you: how would you like to be that exact kind of dangerous maniac?

See, I'm planning to head back into Calice when March rolls around with a few others, and you know what? I'm feeling so generous I'm going to be opening the gates to the public for a chance to go and have a look-see inside her this time around. You might be asking "but Jappleack can you really take all those people?" And the answer is hell no, I sure as shit can't take everyone who wants to come. We're going to have to limit how many others from outside the group I've got going we're bringing. So any of you who want to come, you can volunteer and from that pool we'll pick a lucky five.

How will we decide who gets to come? Simple. We're going to do it like any civilized people do it when they elect political leaders or lottery winners or virginal sacrifices: we're going to put names into a hat and then scoop those bitches out.

Couple things you should know before you decide you're going to jump your ass up to volunteer. First, I'm not going to bother telling you how dumb and dangerous this is because even I understand that shit. But I will tell you that time gets flashed right the hell up in there, so while it might seem like we're in her for a hour? A couple weeks might have passed here. So I'd have an empty ass schedule if you wanna come.

Secondly. we're here to do a couple things inside her. What we aren't going to be doing is goddamn rescue missions in trying to find people we care about and pulling them out or trying to attack and start a fight with this bitch. I understand you wanting to save the people you care about, but this isn't the time to try that yet. What I'm not going to be understanding about is if you decide the time has come to try and fight her and prove you're some damn big hero inside of her. You wanna be a dumbass who'll endanger themselves then more power to you dipshit, but you aren't getting everyone into trouble because of your hero complex or inferiority complex or whatever it is. I mean you here especially, little blue. Anyone who tries that shit is a one and done deal; you ain't coming around for a second ride.

So, with that all out of the way?

Who's ready and willing to do some of the dumbest shit they could do in their lives?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I ain't volunteering. Still think it's damn crazy and could end up worse than doin' nothing.

[Plus, she gets the feeling that helping Cálice is going to mean that things end, and she's not quite ready to commit herself to that, even if she'll stay out of the way of people who want it to happen.]

But... there anything I can do on the still-in-Ponyville side of things t'make the process smoother?

Sure. But doing nothing just isn't the kind of shit I do. Tried it once. Wasn't exactly the best time of my life.

Just keep going on. Pray I guess if you wanna, but really the best thing any of us can do is just keep living as long we're here. Not let ourselves be beat down.

Heh. I can do that much, at least.

[There's a long pause, as a question seems to tease its way to the surface of her mind.]

Hey. I've been tryin' to look at puttin' together a sorta... support group for people who got family or friends sucked up int' that mess. You think that'd help out?

[She's trying not to step on your hooves here, Japple, since she knows you're... well, she has suspicions this will all blow up, but she knows you're at least trying to fix things.]

Shit, you ain't gotta ask if I know. I'm sure it would. Lot of ponies here who've lost people important to them, either due to being sucked up by her or just leaving them behind.

You mentioned it before, haven't you? Kind of remember it. Don't know what you're dragging your damn hooves on it for, cause I think it's a great idea. You should go for it.

It's gonna help more than you think.

Not so much dragging my hooves, just ran into complications. Only hoof-dragging came after the whole Windigo mess.

I think I'm over that, by now, though.

Man, what a bunch of flogging assholes they were. Never saw that shit before. ...Not that bad, at least.

Wouldn't be surprised if that wasn't another of her "tests", to be honest.

Could be. Honestly, might just be this place and not even her. Not like we've all ever worked in cohesion that well before, least not that I've seen. Kind of a wake up call we gotta get over ourselves a bit more, if I'm being honest.

[Cohesion, huh...?]

We need a leader. Someone who can unify the natives and offworlders.

[Sorry, JA, she's thinking out loud here.]

A leader, huh?

Not really an idea I'm crazy about but it couldn't hurt.

APPLE FACTS 15: THE AVERAGE PERSON EATS 65 APPLES A YEAR

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