mylittlejamjar | APPLE FACTS 15: THE AVERAGE PERSON EATS 65 APPLES A YEAR

Hi suckers, it's your old buddy Jappleack giving you like, a ring on these stupid damn scrolls. You probably know me best as "that crazy maniac who keeps jumping into the weird bitch that's keeping us here", but I've got a special proposition for you: how would you like to be that exact kind of dangerous maniac?

See, I'm planning to head back into Calice when March rolls around with a few others, and you know what? I'm feeling so generous I'm going to be opening the gates to the public for a chance to go and have a look-see inside her this time around. You might be asking "but Jappleack can you really take all those people?" And the answer is hell no, I sure as shit can't take everyone who wants to come. We're going to have to limit how many others from outside the group I've got going we're bringing. So any of you who want to come, you can volunteer and from that pool we'll pick a lucky five.

How will we decide who gets to come? Simple. We're going to do it like any civilized people do it when they elect political leaders or lottery winners or virginal sacrifices: we're going to put names into a hat and then scoop those bitches out.

Couple things you should know before you decide you're going to jump your ass up to volunteer. First, I'm not going to bother telling you how dumb and dangerous this is because even I understand that shit. But I will tell you that time gets flashed right the hell up in there, so while it might seem like we're in her for a hour? A couple weeks might have passed here. So I'd have an empty ass schedule if you wanna come.

Secondly. we're here to do a couple things inside her. What we aren't going to be doing is goddamn rescue missions in trying to find people we care about and pulling them out or trying to attack and start a fight with this bitch. I understand you wanting to save the people you care about, but this isn't the time to try that yet. What I'm not going to be understanding about is if you decide the time has come to try and fight her and prove you're some damn big hero inside of her. You wanna be a dumbass who'll endanger themselves then more power to you dipshit, but you aren't getting everyone into trouble because of your hero complex or inferiority complex or whatever it is. I mean you here especially, little blue. Anyone who tries that shit is a one and done deal; you ain't coming around for a second ride.

So, with that all out of the way?

Who's ready and willing to do some of the dumbest shit they could do in their lives?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Thankful, Jappleack won't be playing around and coming down your chimney this time, Dame Rarity. Instead she'll actually have the decency to head over and knock on the door like a sane pony.]

[Good, now if more ponies could learn to not sneak up on her, she would be thrilled.

The knock on the door was answered immediately and Jappleack was let in.]

I'm in the kitchen, please feel free to come join me.

[And Jappleack does so, looking this way and that at Rarity's house as she comes in. Her curiosity, at least, seems to be restricted to her eyes, as she doesn't touch or disturb the placement of anything around the home.]

Snazzy ass place you got here.

[Looked a little better to her filled with apples, but she realizes that's more or less just a question of personal taste.

She takes a seat across from Rarity, shrugging her shoulders a little bit as she sits down.]

Thank you for using larger cups. The small ones everyone else uses have just been driving me damn near crazy.

[She wouldn't find much out of the ordinary, just simple projects in various stages of completion. Quite a few of them seem to be battle related mixed in with dresses and a few suits.]

If you think this is 'snazzy', then my rooms at Zetta's castle would leave you speechless.

[Rarity smiled as Jappleack took a seat across from her. Within moments of her sitting down, two very large coffee mugs were set down on the table, one for each of them.]

It's not a problem. Tea cups aren't for everypony and sometimes, you need a mug for something stronger.

I just can't stand it. Give me something that small, hell, I kind of guess I'm meant to drink it in one go.

Tea isn't really something we drink a lot of, where I'm from.

I can imagine.

[She brought the tea pot over to fill both of their cups before setting it aside. Rarity added a little sugar to her tea before gently blowing on it and letting it hang in her magical grasp for a few moments.]

Personally, I find tea soothing though I have known some individuals that find more comfort within a flask.

Didn't really drink either, at least until I got here.

[And when she does drink her tea from the mug, she drinks it like you would drink coffee. Sipping, as she stated, is an unknown art to her.]

Kind of stuck to cider, for the most part. I was honestly kind of surprised this Equestria even had a bar.

Lets just say that after the war was said and done, I tend to refuse any offer of the harder stuff.

[She sips her own cooling tea and savors it for a few moments.]

Honestly, so am I. But, with as many offworld ponies as there are, it's really not as big of a surprise as one might think.

APPLE FACTS 15: THE AVERAGE PERSON EATS 65 APPLES A YEAR

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