1st Revenge [Visual]

[angry_jerk]

[Today on the scroll network, the pony community may get the distinct honor of meeting this lovely batpony. The one glaring at the feed.]

Alright, here's how this is gonna work. Whoever is in charge of this vacuous collection of depravity, send me home immediately. Even if you do not, I will be merciful and choose to simply OBLITERATE this asinine carouse of deceit!

If you heed my words and don't try to bilk me of my safe return, I will try and forget that I have been kidnapped against my will, transformed into this abomination, dropped off in some candy coated sinkhole, with-

[He pauses mid-rant.]

On second thought, SCREW THE DEAL! I'LL ERADICATE WHATEVER MALEVOLENT JERKWAD THAT THINKS IT CAN STULIFY ME BY TURNING ME INTO A HORSE! I'll PURVERIZE YOU! I’LL EVISCERATE YOU! I'LL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!

[He finally stops to take a deep breath.]

...So, get back to me when you get this.

...I'm Dan.

Comments

[angry_jerk]

[He quickly pulls out his notepad and tries to write that down. After failing to balance both items between his hooves, he sets down the pad. Then he spend about five minutes A) trying to pick the pencil up in his teeth and B) writing things down.

He suddenly pauses mid-writing.]

Canderlod?

[hangthedj]

Yeah dude. Big city up in the mountains, Princesses set up shop there. Totally not as cool as it sounds.

[angry_jerk]

[He visibly groans and facehoofs, but he writes it down anyway. Canterlot. UGH. Still, info is info. Finally, after ten minutes, he spits out the pencil.]

Got it. Stupid hack theatre troupes run amuck in Canterlot.

[hangthedj]

Y'know the way you emphasized that's tellin' me something's up. Got any grievances that ya haven't already aired?

[angry_jerk]

Among the general asinine existence of this infernal realm?

The puns are just god awful.

[hangthedj]

Puns?

[She seems genuinely, legitimately baffled by this idea.]

Man, you sure you ain't just seein' somethin' that isn't there? Wouldn't surprise me.

[angry_jerk]

I KNOW HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT IS AND WHAT IS NOT A PUN!

[hangthedj]

Yeah, 'cause you've proven to be so self-aware so far.

Come clean with me, are you just plain lookin' for things to be mad at now?

[angry_jerk]

I don't look for things! Things should stop showing up! ...And be less agonizingly awful!

[hangthedj]

Not gonna disagree there. Whole lotta dumb stuff goin' down here, I can tell ya that much. But, I think it'd be better if you just rolled with the punches instead'a getting all pissy 'bout every little thing.

I mean, I'm not tryin' to tell you how to run yer life, here. Just, y'know. Food for thought.

[Sweet Celestia, is she actually trying to help this guy?]

[angry_jerk]

And how in the hell would that help show those IMBECILIC LEMMINGS how wrong and stupid and deserving of a burning home they are?

[hangthedj]

[Aaaand right back to the sarcasm.]

Of course, how silly of me to think that wasn't a priority.

So, what exactly do you plan on doin' about any'a this? Gonna fight the power, stand up for your rights?

[angry_jerk]

Exactly! Maybe follow it up with some major forest fires, explosions, loss of limbs, whatever works.

[hangthedj]

Okay, outta all of that, I think I might actually be down with some explosions. Things've been too stable for too long, we gotta shake it up now.

[angry_jerk]

Stability is for dorks. Firey chaos and enjoying the cries of your enemies, that's where it's at.

[hangthedj]

Yeah, yeah, I gotcha. Gotta keep things movin' gotta keep it fresh. I'm down with it.

'Cept with that whole 'cries of your enemies' thing. That I could take or leave.

[angry_jerk]

That's why you're a loser. You have no vision!

[hangthedj]

"Loser"?! Excuse you, but who's the one with the big pile'a dragon treasure in this exchange here?

Not you, I bet.