Community Calendar + Summer Tips to Beat the Heat (Radio)

[nvcr]

Well everybody, what a month it has been! I can't imagine anything else that can threaten our colorful little realm for a long time. So, without referring to anything else too unknowable and panic-inducing, let's move on to the community calendar.

On Monday, Sugarcube Corner will be announcing their newest creation! What is it? I'm not sure, and I only shudder to think what sugar-fueled alchemy Pinkie Pie is capable of, but if you want to find out, well, make sure you get there early.

From Monday through Wednesday, there will be a beach party! I'm sure it'll be a blast for everyone involved, and we might even run into a few surprises! Completely pleasant and non-apocalyptic surprises, of course, I mean, what else is there? So, to prepare everyone for an evening full of sand and ceaseless festivities, I think I'd like to share some summer tips to beat the heat.

Always remember to keep yourself hydrated. Water makes up more than two thirds of your body, and if enough water is allowed to dissipate into the stagnant air, then two thirds of you might not exist.

Wouldn't that be unnecessary. And avoidable.

Stand up tall. Make yourself bigger than the heat. Most heat waves will take this as a sign of aggression and run back to the Everfree, but if you ever find yourself cornered by a wild heat wave, try playing dead. This should buy you enough time for the heat wave to pass and find other unsuspecting victims, leaving you, hopefully, very much not actually dead.


W̜͈͍̗͖̳̰͆ͯͨͬ̕͜͡e̢̨̩̞̺̭̼͚̱̫̙̤̲͖͂̂ͮ̾̊ͨͣ̈́ͯ̊̕ h̡̨̞͍̥̬͇̘̝̹̗̟̖̮͖̩̗̭̣̤͖ͦͧͥͥ̓̿̓̏̑ͫ͊ͫ̅͋̀ͨ̇͟o̸͓͚̤̫ͯ̒ͩ̾̎̽ͣ̐͊̍ͤͨ͘p̵̨̡̙̦͚̜̫̞̼̫͔̖͈̝͉̰͋̈́ͭ̄͑̄̑͢ȩ͈̮̣̣̫͕͔̬̰̰̬̹̺͎͋͗̎͐ͤͣ͑͢-̸͎͙̝̳͓̼͉͙̰̻͗͒ͧ̓̇̀͂ͥ̽̑̍̌́ͅ

DISTINGUISHED GUESTS OF THE PALE ONE, HEAR THIS:

SHE IS CONTENT FOR THIS INSTANT. BUT SHE WILL NOT BE FOR ALL OF ETERNITY. YOU CANNOT SEE HER KNOW, BUT KNOW THAT LIKE DISTANT, FADING STARS IN THE VOID OF AN UNCARING UNIVERSE, SHE IS ALWAYS WATCHING. ALWAYS PRESENT. ALWAYS PLOTTING.

S̸̜̲̺̗̓̀H̼͕͎͕̣̦̜̗ͬ͢E̖̟͚͇͖̳̠̩̽̿̊́͆͗̿͢͜ ̈̄̾̾̾̽҉͙͕̟̻͕͎E̜̐ͥ̓̇̇X̵̦̞ͤ̽̅̈̈́̐T̃ͦ̄̑̐̿ͫ́̏҉̤͘ͅE͖͕͓̦̗͙̲̘ͯ͛̑ͤ͒́̆ͅŅ̶̷͔̞̯̪̆ͮͥ̊ͥ̊̿D̖͌ͫ͂ͫ͝͝ͅS̴̭ͤͦͨ̓ ̧̘̜͚̠̇̏ͯͪͬ̾͡H̸̬̜ͣ͝Ę̴̝̮̮̟͈̰̩̇̌̂ͭ̕ͅR̷̳̗̝͉͈͙̣̅ͭ̃̓̑͋̑ͫ͝ ̄̒̓ͤͩͬ҉̜̜͙̞͇̯͝C̨͙ͪͬ̏̄̈́͟͠O͆ͦ̈́͗̎́͘͏̶͇̥͖L̥͔͚̍̽̽̾̉̓̍̀́͝D̸̡̢̙̩̄̈ͮ̈̀ͨ͛ ̸̧͍̻͖̺̉ͩͯͩ̒̿ͧ̀̚A̳̦̰͑̅̌́̉ͣN̯̩̖̳͖̥̐͋ͭ̈̈́̀͢ͅD̛͕̦͎̞̪̝̣̥̊ͥ̑̊̀̉͢ ̷͖̘͙̘̬͍̳ͭ̄͋̿͟͠L͇͂ͪ̀ͥ̑ͩ̈̒̈́͢Ō͓̰̞̺ͯ̿ͪV̡̻̮̙̖̪̓͑̑ͩͭ́ͮ̐̀͡I͙̭͋͊́N̗̱̤̝̘͙̜͍͈͊̉̀G̭̹̜̫ͦ̈́̓ ̟̟̦͈͓̯̊͋ͦ͆͛̍ͅͅȆ̂́̓ͤͦ͏̻̣̠̘̱̣́̕M̧̳̞̟͍ͮͪ͆͞ͅB͉̦̮̰̗̅͐̾ͮͨ͟R̢̲̔͊͋́͊̍͛̏A̸͍̫̗̙̠̳̮̝̍́͜C̨̺̻̞͎̯̰̘̽ͩ̂͋̓́ͦ̚E̺͍̤̬͉̬ͤ̓͛ͩ̋̄̚ ̷̥͙̎͂̃̉̋̈̔́̚T̶̸̢̗͈͙̺̼̜̈́̋O̷͈͖̗̪͕͇͍̗ͫ̍ͧ̑̑͛̿̀ ̮̲͉͉̠̻̰ͬͣ͋A͓̼̟̺̫͗̍̐ͧ͘͞L̷͍̬͚̓̌̂L̺̭͖͓̳͙̀̉̆̃ͭ͌͆ ͐ͤͨ́҉͚͍̥̼N̙̝̱ͫ͆̎͠E̫͔͔͇̫̪ͩ͒͒̓ͅW̡̡̳͖̫͉͔͇̲̜̆ͥ́ͭͮ̅ͦC̩̤̦̋͑̾̽͛͗͞O̲̦̺̹ͭ̍͒͊̅ͯ̿́͜͢M̫͉̪̥͚̦̥̫̤͒͆͗̈́́̏͜͢͠E͙͉̎̓̋̋̈́ͫ͗͡͝Ṟ̸̲̮̫͎̖̄ͫ͑̿͝Š͕͡ ͆ͧͧ͌̇҉̹̜͍̬͜ͅÏͧͪ͂ͩͮ̆҉̬̲͡N̷̴̳̠͉̺͖̥̹̱̲ͬ͗̇ͩͬ ̟̟̟̯̭͍̯͋́̑̉̍̈͒̒H̵̙̟̗̎̈ͨ̐̈͌ͦE̼̞̩̦̘̩̓ͥ̄̚R̡͓͉̮̹̖̾ͦ ̺̖͖̯̝̎ͣͧͧ̊̉̏͑D̛͚̎̄ͮ̌͊͆̀̉͢O̶̙̭̽͆̒̓ͫ̅͛̂M̴͈̘̦͉̫ͭͫ̓̉ͥ̌Å̜͙̍̿ͫ̾ͨ̂͘I̷͉̣̮ͥͨ̆ͧ̋̍͂̆N̸̫̪̦͙͎͉̗̋͛ͦ̉ͬ̂́̀̚.̨̧͓̹͚͔͖̰̣ͩ̃̉ͮ͐͆̄
͙̜̰̉̑ͮ̓̔̒̉

DO NOT QUESTION HER METHODS. DO NOT RESIST. DO NOT DOUBT HER WISDOM AS SHE CONTINUES HER QUESTS FOR THE GREATEST TRUTHS HELD BY EXISTENCE.

YOU MAY HAVE YOUR BEACH PARTY AND YOUR MERRIMENT. BUT KNOW THAT THE PALE ONE CANNOT BE IGNORED, AND P͔̙̝̪͙̳̤̳̘͚̪̰̪̝̮͉̭͆ͨ͐̄̀͘͝R̘͈͉͙̻̱̠̹̱̼̖̝͉̯̭̃ͧͪͫ̾̓̆̄ͨ̀̓ͩ͜Ȩ̵̴͚̱̜͚͍̂ͣ͒̒̏̃ͧ̄́͜͡P̷̨͍͇̺̹͙̝̝̎͆̽͐̍͘͡A̡͍͖͕͎͉͔̙̺̳̞̭̘̐̂ͦ̀̿͟͠͞ͅR̴ͩͭͮ̾̆̒̎̄̋̍͆́̓͐́̔̊̈̔́҉̮͓͉̺̟̥̲̩̩͎̤̖̲̟̻E̸̳̼̞͎̳̲̩̪͖̹͙͙̥͈̊̎́͌̈̎̿̊̾̀̏̊ͣͤ̔̚͠͞ͅ FOR HER INEVITABLE RETURN.

GOODNIGHT, BELOVED GUESTS.

Ġ͉̦͔̲̣ͮͬͧͦ̄̀ͮ͂̈́̑́͞Ö͕̘́͊ͪ͒͑ͥ̑̋̓͢ͅÕ͋̈́ͬ͌̏̐ͮ̚͠͠҉̶͈̩͍̗D̶̛͙͇̗͓̙̪̠̖̭ͪ͌ͨ̅ͫ̒̍̌̈́ͮ͒ͭ̉̒̆̍̃̽͢͜Ń͇̤͖͚̳͓ͭ̄̔͗́͢I̴̵̴͗̾̃ͭͦ͋͛̎̈́̑ͮ͟͏̳̩̩͓̲̗̻̩͈̬͖̩̪̟̹͔̞͍G̸̢̬̥̟̦̩͎̺͖̯̯̤̜̠͎̞̅ͪ͌͒͟H̭͍̭̰̐ͨ̈́ͬ͂̐͆̈ͧͣ͗ͯ́͟͞͡T̶̸̛̥̦̰̩̯̰̞͈̮͚̠͚̮̘̯̈́͐͊͑͑ͩ̽̄ͬ̔̾ͦ́́ͩ͛͐̓ͅ.̲̳̯͕̫͇̺ͯ̀͐̈́ͨ̆ͬ̌ͤ́

Comments

[Audio]

[caneattheseapples]

Holy shit.

That is one of the saddest things I've ever heard.

[nvcr]

...sorry.

I'm not sure what happened just now, or even why I just broadcasted all of that.

[caneattheseapples]

It was something. Something shitty, but still something.





I mean, can you believe what a piece of shit heat waves are?

[nvcr]

Ugh, I know, right? You'd think that living under the soul-crushing heat of an unending desert your whole life would prepare you or this sort of thing, but nope

It always takes my be surprise.

[visual]

[polyturtle]

...Uh. Cecil?

Re: [visual]

[nvcr]

...Don?

Re: [visual]

[polyturtle]

What just happened?

[nvcr]

I'm...not entirely sure. I mean, I haven't exactly gotten around to getting myself a new notebook yet--and I was always taking notes back home--and even if I did, I'm not really sure how I can get, y'know, the unicorn magic thing to do it in my sleep like I'm used to.

[polyturtle]

I see.

Well, I'm pretty sure that you just got possessed.

[nvcr]

...yeah, that's, pretty likely. But listen, Donatello, it could always be worse.

I only shudder to think how, but. It could always be worse.

[polyturtle]

Oh yeah, I know that.

...This your first time getting possessed, or...?

[Audio]

[weekwizard]

...Was the latter part of the broadcast intentional, or simply one of those bouts of strangeness that seem to follow you like a plague?

1/3

[nvcr]

Nope, that was an accident, and--

[nvcr]

whoops, I feel like there's another one coming!

[nvcr]

[Fortunately for all of us, there is no follow-up to that first instance of mind control. There is, however, a large sneezing spell that goes on for a moment or two.]

Nope! Just a cold coming on.

[weekwizard]

...

[And she was really interested to see what else the Pale Pony had to say... Oh well.]

I recommend a strong black tea. Use honey to prevent cough, but avoid milk and cream.

[She has experience with sickness.]

[voice only]

[marearcana]

...did the signal get hijacked or was that just you?

[She has to be sure about this, since Cecil does kind of have a reputation for doing needlessly creepy things with no apparent reason.]

Re: [voice only]

[nvcr]

No, I'm...pretty sure that was me.

Of course, I was also being used as a vessel for...something or other, but hey, I'm kind of used to the whole mind control thing.

[voice only]

[marearcana]

So... "both", then.

Either way it seems like she wants us to stay afraid, which makes it all the more important to relax when we can.

[nvcr]

I'll do my best to make it to the beach party.

I'll admit, the idea of a vast expanse of water deeper than the suffering of every person I will ever meet is a little intimidating, but there's got to be a first time for everyone.

[marearcana]

How exactly are you measuring suffering, though? That's not exactly something easy to compare to a discrete length, in my experience.

[nvcr]

I'm...not exactly sure.

I mean, given their inherent danger, books were kinda scarce back when I was in school.

[marearcana]

Right, I kind of remember hearing about monster librarians. That said, I'm not sure what that has to do with measuring anything.

[Action]

[thepoweroflove]

[Oh god oh god he's regretting doing this internship suddenly.]

... What the hell, Cecil?

[nvcr]

...whoops.

[thepoweroflove]

You could at least give me a better answer than "whoops"!

[nvcr]

From the sounds of what everyone else is saying, it was probably mind control.

Which is an awful thing to have happen, of course, but listen. It's happened before.

[thepoweroflove]

Just because it happened before doesn't make it any better! I mean Jesus Christ being possessed by some kind of demon is something that shouldn't be happening at all!

[Not to mention that this might mean that the Pale Pony might try to possess Marty too. It is not a possibility that he'd like to think about.]

[Visual]

[neighfeni]

[Well, so far it was a normal broadcast (normal by Cecil standards)...and then that last bit.]

Uh, Ah think somepony hijacked the broadcast...

[Visual]

[bluesuit_hoofy]

I think somepony hijacked Cecil.

[nvcr]

...well, this was embarrassing.

Not that this is the first time it's happened, but still. She really could have tried waiting a little.

[bluesuit_hoofy]

This isn't the first time this has happened? Just how often has she used you for a mouthpiece, Cecil?!

[nvcr]

Just this once.

Although there was the Glow Cloud incident back home--ALL HAIL, ALL PRAISE--not to mention my coverage of that new woman who'd arrived in town...

Apparently I'm just susceptible to this kinda thing?

[bluesuit_hoofy]

You should get that checked out.

[nvcr]

Are you sure, Andrew? Some truths aren't meant to be discovered, just...opaque facts to not be known. After all, the causes of mind control are numerous, but they're also dangerously close to forbidden knowledge, which, as I'm sure you know, can lead to life-altering revelations and suffering.

Doctors are known for that too, but let's not get into that.

[bluesuit_hoofy]

Yes, Cecil. I'm sure.

[Truths not meant to be discovered? That doesn't even make sense.] I usually find that forbidden knowledge leads to life-altering revelations, but most of the suffering is for the people who wanted to keep it forbidden.

[Audio]

[frozenmemories]

[What in the name of...Okay. Cirno is a little freaked out by this.]

...That can't be good.

Re: [Audio]

[nvcr]

I'm pretty sure it can't.

Of course, I'd rather wait a little while before immediately assuming that it has to be bad.

[Audio]

[frozenmemories]

No...It's kinda like when...

[Stopping herself there NOW. Wrong place.]

Still...something like that has to be bad..Unless you are playing a prank.

[nvcr]

I assure you, I am completely serious.

Or at least, let us hope so.

[Visual]

[its_pony_rider_time]

Hey, Cecil. Can you pass on a message to the PP if you got a moment then? If you got hijacked, there's probably some kind of radio two-way.

Hey, Pale Pony! Sorry I missed you last time but next time will be different. I'm not planning on going anywhere anymore this time soon, so I'm going to show you just how valuable friendship really is! I'm Gentarou Kisaragi, the man who will become friends with all of Equestria, and that INCLUDES YOU!

One day you'll be my friend, till then we'll show you just what the powerful flames of youth is all about!

[nvcr]

Oooookay. Powerful flames of youth, friendship, welcoming everyone into your ceaseless embrace...got it. Gosh, this is sounding a lot like one of the Stamps.com commercials we had to run back home.

Anything else?

[its_pony_rider_time]

Hmmm, I'm not too sure what else would be done. There's a lot of time before it's received after all.

Audio: I did make a thread and plurk announcing this, but it's funnier if You ignored Reimu

[nekomikoreimu]

Hey! You forgot my Shrine Festival! I opens up this afternoon and goes til tomorrow night!