mylittlejamjar | HOOVESWEEK 3

[Morning, Equestrians! Because of the nature of news that has been happening, its that time again ~~albeit a bit early for its quarterly-ish print runs, but news is news, right?~~ and the newsponies have a new, fresh stock of Equestria's most-read magazine!

Of course, some of them have little black sleeves stapled to the top of them in order to spare those with delicate stomachs the ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE CONTENT that is the newest Hoovesweek cover, depending on where it is bought. But, otherwise...]

Might this pony even be worse than Discord himself? A murder most foul, and yet where's the punishment for this heinous mad criminal?! Can a hoedown and "beerklava" really help the poor ponies move on...!???! This is, without a doubt, the most controversial cover story we have ever done - complete with the most controversial cover, showing what is believed to have happened that terrible night!

Other Top Stories Include:
Title: The Changeling Zetta
by Gelt Beck

Title: The Handiest Man In Everfree Forest
by Bertie Wooster (edited by Hoovesweek)

Title: Nightmare Night, What a Blight
by Timberwolf Blitzer

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE:

-Sources discussing the disappearance of Princess Luna - well, a Princess Luna, and why we should - and shouldn't - be too worried.
-An article discussing the attempted Marelyn Monriowche heist and speculation surrounding the mysterious but dashing masked mare who foiled the robbery.
-A photo gallery of the best of the best from Rarity of Ponyville, who also discusses her upcoming show and her relationship with the wannabe overlord, Zetta!
-In entertainment news, an exclusive interview with Tom Shanks about his top-secret biographical flick, in which he teases a few juicy hints as to its confidential subject.
-In foaleign news, congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridle to giving birth to a healthy baby colt! Now, surely, its finally time to look at possible marriage candidates for our ruler...?
-A short Daring Do story about the dungeon that apparently exists underneath the library - from the anonymous author of Daring Do themselves!

So come one, come all, and read HOOVESWEEK! Only 5 bits a copy - now and forever!

((OOC: As usual, feel free to react, or comment on those stories, or even make up seeing other stories in this issue!

And, original picture credit is...Ni! It probably shows, too.))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Harvey briefly interrupts his weekly session of glaring at the Hoovesweek stand and contemplating arson when he's approached. He glances over the picture, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement - he's not up-to-date on all their names and stuff, but he's lived with Linkara long enough to know the Flash costume when he sees it.]

You sure it's even a mare?

That's what it says in the paper. [Hi, Harvey! You now have the latest edition of Hoovesweek practically covering your face.] They know these things! They're reporters.

[Harvey's ears go flat as he backs up a little, turning his head away.]

Yeah. Must be true, then.

[She nods. Happy he's seen the light. And then she really looks at him.]

Oh. Oh! You're that Harvey Finevoice. [A new article detailing the 'The Trials and Tribulations of Ms. Iron Liz of Ponyville' is now in your face. It provides 'CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE' that Harvey Finevoice is sleeping in Ms. Iron Liz's house after a rocky reunion. Scandal!] You'd better not hurt that sweet girl again, Mr. Finevoice!

Edited 2013-08-11 00:32 (UTC)

[What. What. Lady, you just done pissed off the wrong stallion.]

I am not sleepin' with her - Luna, what in Tartarus is wrong with you ponies?

[And you picked the wrong pegasus to get snappy with, Harvey.]

Right. You just happened to have a lovers' spat for the sake of theatrics. [She snorts, flicking her blue tail.] I had a friend at the Gala. He saw everything, you know? There's no use denying it.

[Her tone turns... understanding?] Look, I don't really approve of a stallion your age taking up with such a young mare, but you really ought to treat her right if you're going to.

Wha - I don't approve of it! She's young enough to be my kid! That's sick! [Okay, maybe she's not literally young enough to be his daughter. Sure feels like it sometimes though.]

[Her brows furrow in confusion.]

Why are you dating her if you think it's sick?

I'm. Not. Dating. Her.

[Ponies? These people are Luna-damned sheep.]

[She doesn't look entirely convinced still.]

But it was in the paper. They've got the best columnists. Oona Grapevine always checks her sources at least twice!

I think I know who I'm datin' better than Oona Grapevine does. [Seriously is that her name what is this place]

[She turns away to confer briefly with her friends. Heads pop up at intervals to look over at Harvey before ducking down. Eventually, the pegasus returns to him.]

Well, if you aren't dating, then what were you fighting about?

[...oh, that is a question he does not want to answer. Why the hay didn't he just walk away while she was talkin' to her friends? It's not like he really even cares what this random pegasus lady thinks...]

What, you never fight with your friends?

[Her reply is measured as she raises a brow.]

I don't punch them when I get angry. I bucked my boyfriend once, though.

I got in a fight with her boyfriend, does that count?

Depends on what it was about.

[She's obviously fishing for juicy details.]

I dunno, what were you fightin' with your guy about?

[Like hay he's gonna tell her any more than that. He's not even sure why he spilled that much, other than being completely sick of this whole thing.]

[The pegasus puffs out her cheeks and pouts.]

He didn't let me have the last sip of the Apples' apple cider last year. Selfish!

Edited 2013-08-13 03:42 (UTC)

[Just. This face. Is that seriously what passes for domestic disputes here?]

[Do not look askance at the very serious business of the Apple Family's world-famous apple cider, Mr. Finevoice. Angry bucks were the least that might be done to the cider-guzzling boyfriend on the prowl!]

Who even is her boyfriend if it's not you?

He ain't here.

Convenient story.

[She's sure eying you with suspicion once more, Harvey.]

...yeah. Real convenient. In fact, we arranged this whole universe-jumpin' pony thing ourselves just to get away from him. [He really hopes ponies understand sarcasm.]

[As luck would have it, this one does. She cocks a brow at him, then glances up as if considering it.]

Fair enough. Well... even if you're not dating her, you'd best treat her right, Mr. Finevoice! Ponies in Canterlot or Las Pegasus might brook that kind of thing, but we're friendly folk here in Ponyville. And nopony should make another pony bleed.

[Bruise them, well... that was another story and cider came into it. Everything could be forgiven during cider season.]

[And just like that, the irritation's gone.]

...yeah. Yeah, you're right.

(no subject)

ponymeisters - 2013-08-14 05:28 (UTC) - Expand

millionbitpipes - 2013-08-15 00:15 (UTC) - Expand