HOOVESWEEK 3

[ponymeisters]

[Morning, Equestrians! Because of the nature of news that has been happening, its that time again albeit a bit early for its quarterly-ish print runs, but news is news, right? and the newsponies have a new, fresh stock of Equestria's most-read magazine!

Of course, some of them have little black sleeves stapled to the top of them in order to spare those with delicate stomachs the ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE CONTENT that is the newest Hoovesweek cover, depending on where it is bought. But, otherwise...]




Might this pony even be worse than Discord himself? A murder most foul, and yet where's the punishment for this heinous mad criminal?! Can a hoedown and "beerklava" really help the poor ponies move on...!???! This is, without a doubt, the most controversial cover story we have ever done - complete with the most controversial cover, showing what is believed to have happened that terrible night!

Other Top Stories Include:
Title: The Changeling Zetta
by Gelt Beck

Title: The Handiest Man In Everfree Forest
by Bertie Wooster (edited by Hoovesweek)

Title: Nightmare Night, What a Blight
by Timberwolf Blitzer


BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE:

-Sources discussing the disappearance of Princess Luna - well, a Princess Luna, and why we should - and shouldn't - be too worried.
-An article discussing the attempted Marelyn Monriowche heist and speculation surrounding the mysterious but dashing masked mare who foiled the robbery.
-A photo gallery of the best of the best from Rarity of Ponyville, who also discusses her upcoming show and her relationship with the wannabe overlord, Zetta!
-In entertainment news, an exclusive interview with Tom Shanks about his top-secret biographical flick, in which he teases a few juicy hints as to its confidential subject.
-In foaleign news, congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridle to giving birth to a healthy baby colt! Now, surely, its finally time to look at possible marriage candidates for our ruler...?
-A short Daring Do story about the dungeon that apparently exists underneath the library - from the anonymous author of Daring Do themselves!


So come one, come all, and read HOOVESWEEK! Only 5 bits a copy - now and forever!

((OOC: As usual, feel free to react, or comment on those stories, or even make up seeing other stories in this issue!

And, original picture credit is...Ni! It probably shows, too.))

Comments

[Action]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[Woe betide the pony near the newsstand, as they're getting accosted...]

What the hell is a changeling?

[Action]

[honeycombing]

[Guess who that pony is.]

HEY THERE!!

[Action]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Whoa! Whoa! Hold on. Are you responding to my question because you're secretly a changeling, or are you just popping up to say hello to make me think that for the sake of comedy?

[personalgentlepony]

[Reads aloud,] The Handiest Man in the Everfree Forest?

[What is Mr Wooster writing about now?]

[surpriserainbows]

[Surprise had been keeping quiet the last few weeks. Truth be told, she had needed the time to think after everything that had happened. The bar, the murder and its fallout, the talk with Dash. Each of these things had weighed on the mare for a while. Had, along with the third of a year she's spent here, been events that have forced her to re-evaluate some things about her. To keep re-evaluating, even now.

She didn't usually read Hoovesweek. She, in fact, was almost comforted by the fact that it was sensationalist crap her just like it was back home. And for a moment, she just stares at the magazine, and its cover, for a moment.]

Man. What garbage.

[Still. After a moment she produces a bit and, taking an issue, begins to read. She sets the magazine on the ground as she does so, occasionally running a hoof over a sentence a few times, as if memorizing it. For garbage, she's giving it a lot of attention.

Either way, she's kind of taking up space doing this right in front of the stand.]

[stormbroken]

[After the murder and her subsequent temper tantrum in the skies of Ponyville, Flare had... a lot of thinking to do, herself. About what Dash and Lucifer had said, about the unpleasant implications of the vandalism on Genesis's apples, and about how she had presented herself the past few months.

It was kind of amazing; in a detached, objective light, Flare could see how sickeningly dependent she was on the judgement of Celestia, and now that she had the unshakable truth that this Equestria's sun goddessprincess was decidedly Not The Same One, it was... hard. She'd backslid, a lot. Back to the days before she ended up in Fillydelphia, even. She'd forgotten how to defend, knew only how to attack. The question was... how could you protect ponies that didn't want or, at times, need your protection?

Lost in her introspective cycle of self-loathing and confusion, Flare almost doesn't notice Surprise until she plows straight into her. She manages to stop herself mere inches from the mare, though, blinking several times.

If you can't protect everypony, at least protect the ponies you feel are worthwhile. It was a strange thought, and one that practically dripped of her own personal take on Lucifer's voice, but...

...it was something to start with.]

....hey, kid.

[A very awkward something to start with.]

Reading the media's latest regurgitated liebucket, yeah?

[surpriserainbows]

[The younger mare's perk up for a minute at the sound of Flare's voice. For a moment Surprise has to fight herself from bolting into a standing position. Not so much out of fear as much as her general shock and habit. Especially because of her habit.

And habit was something she had to break herself from.

She turns her head a bit to look at Flare, and for once the usual anxiety and agitation seems to be subdued in her. Not gone, but lessened. She shrugs her shoulders a bit.]

Yeah man. I mean, it's not much different back where I'm from, so I got a good idea what kind of crap they have to say.

Probably still a good idea to read it though. Ought to at least know what the ponies here are reading so we can try to respond to it if we need to.

[action]

[polyturtle]

[Well. This is the perfect thing he needs to wake up to from his...er...sojourn, so to speak. Someone dropping off at his bedside a magazine with a picture of him shooting lasers at a pony in the middle of a shark...tornado on the cover. A...shark...nado?

He almost went right back to bed, to be honest. He wasn't sure he was ready to go out and face anything. It wasn't that he didn't think he had to - he would have to. He was...responsible for this. This...this was his fault.

About an hour later, he was quietly incognito thanks to a cloak, and out of the Canterlot hospital. Sort of. He was actually on the roof of the hospital, and yes, he told someone he was going there, so they wouldn't think he just left.

Not that he would. He wasn't going to rashly walk outside where a small crowd of about five or six angry ponies were gathered, holding up signs saying he should be stoned. No, wait, not stoned. Turned to stone. Either way, he was still in no condition to handle a pony mob or defend himself if they decided they wanted to smack him about. And beyond that? Everyone who knew what he did was out there. People he wasn't sure he could face.

But. He'd have to face them eventually. The people he'd hurt in his madness. Everyone.

And this wasn't helping.]

[action]

[noxequus]

[Thankfully, the roof of the hospital has stair access, for those ponies who are neither pegasi nor ninjas. Sometimes there were reasons to get up here... such as when the patient you want to talk to is sulking on the roof watching his potential lynch mob.

Being as she'd spent the prior day settling on the look she would have when she followed the turtle as his parole officer, she wasn't early enough to beat the angry ponies here. Thankfully, though, she could slip into the hospital undetected, stepping quietly on the roof next to the former turtle.

Even if her appearance was blatantly familiar, it's the voice that is likely now permanently mired in Don's memory by this point that makes it more obvious.]

The pain will lessen with time. What has been done is in the past, and time indeed heals all wounds, however slowly. They forgave us, after all.

[action]

[polyturtle]

[Indeed, it was practically impossible for him to forget. Or to forget the things remembered from the night, or from the day, or from anything.

He looks down at the ground and sighs.]

It...doesn't make the here and now much easier.

[ponymechanic]

[Tails has just come back after suddenly disappearing for a while. He was rather annoyed with that, but he'll get over it. However, standing there by the newsstand with a bandaged up wing, he was trying to contain his anger. Just what the hey is wrong with Hoovesweek?!

At least the article with the robbery wasn't so bad. He was glad it didn't mention him, though it noted a couple ponies suffered injuries during the attempted heist.]

[action]

[deciderly]

[just facehoofing at this insensitive magazine]

[selfmadespeedster]

Wally is used to the press making mistakes and that's okay. It helps a guy keep his secret identity secret. But as he flipped through Hoovesweek shortly after purchasing a copy, he was greatly disturbed by what they wrote about his actions to stop the robbery in Cloudsdale.

"MARE?! MARE?!" He meant to keep that thought to himself but the second outcry of MARE escaped his lips. When the nearby ponies turned to stare at him, he gave them a smile and gestured towards the nearby city hall. "Mayor."

[anelegantmyth]

really, the icon should say enough

[selfmadespeedster]

_{[He would laugh with her if it wasn't an attack on his manlyhood. He turns and whispers to her]}

Hey. I look plenty manly in the suit don't I? These newspaper ponies are crazy!

[trustme]

The Doctor thumbed through the latest issue of Hoovesweek as well as he could without thumbs. It was unfortunate to see Nemo's murder made into a flashy "scandal" by the media but he wasn't surprised. Hoovesweek seemed to only be worth reading to find out about rumors- in case there was talk of what brought them to Ponyville, and public event announcements. The rest was frankly garbage in his opinion.

Then he noticed Bertie's article. This surely would be better than the work of these reporters! The Handiest Man In Everfree Forest, interesting, what was that side note about being edited though? He read the article about Handy helping to navigate through Everfree to help save Zetta's latest captives.

"Ah good for him," The Doctor said to himself and smiled. Then he hit the section that Hoovesweek had edited. Handy was accused of being a changeling pretending to be The Doctor or the same exact pony in disguise using his unicorn magic. The Doctor groaned in disgust, tossing the Hoovesweek paper aside to rub his face. They just had to highlight the biggest personal trouble Handy (and himself, being involved and all) was dealing with?

[bluesuit_hoofy]

Handy, for his part, hadn't read the magazine yet -- hadn't even realized it was out yet, and had forgotten about the article Bertie had decided to write about him back before things on the commune farm all went wrong. Today he was wandering about looking for trouble -- he couldn't deny even to himself that if something didn't present itself that needed fixing, he'd end up in the Everfree Forest sooner or later just to give himself a crisis to sort out. Building the artichoke harvester hadn't been such a great distraction as all that; now that it was finished he'd lost interest in doing anything with it or any other farm equipment.

He certainly wasn't looking for the Doctor, but when he came upon him, Handy was surprised to find that he didn't want to turn tail and slink away rather than talk to the Time Lord. He hung back a moment, not entirely sure he wanted to strike up a conversation, either, until his eye caught on the colorful back cover of Hoovesweek where it had landed face-down.

"Isn't it a bit early for this to be out?" he asked, stepping closer and pawing at it with a hoof to turn it over. That was a mistake -- when he saw the front cover, his heart plummeted, and he turned his face away. "...Oh. Right. Big story, should've guessed."

[trustme]

"It seems they decided to sensationalize it. Those buggers at the press- I'm starting to think the most unpleasant ponies around here are working at Hoovesweek," The Doctor grumbled, shaking his head. He looked at Handy. It would be best to give him a fair warning. "That's not the only ridiculous thing they did in this issue. It seems they edited an article that Bertie wrote about his adventures with you, distracting from the actual point of the article. I suggest saving your money and reading a copy of the original straight from Bertie himself. If you haven't already."

[carouselboutique]

...I don't recall having this interview...

On Discussion of the Mysterious Masked Mare

[ponymeisters]

"Oh! I saw her last week," a bright purple mare with pale pink hair near the Hoovesweek stand exclaimed as she pointed to the story entitled 'Masked Mare Wins the Day!'

"Do you think it's Rainbow Dash again?" one of her friends asked.

"Rainbow Dash wouldn't wear a mask," another chimed in. "She's just to die for without all that!"

"What about Mare Do Well?" the purple pony wondered. "Could she be branching out?"

"It says this one was wearing red and yellow. I thought she wore black."

"Red and yellow? Eugh!" A green and blue pegasus wrinkled her snout. "What a dreadful combination!"

"Hush," the purple pony chided. "She's the combination I'd want if I were needing a rescue. Who do you think she is? She's got to be living in Ponyville!"

"Maybe one of the new ponies? Did the papers say if she gave her name?"

They fell silent as the purple pony read through. "They haven't given her one!"

"Well, that's no good," the gray and pink unicorn who'd asked tutted. "Is there a picture, at least?" The article was passed from hoof to hoof. "Filly Fleet, maybe? It says she's terribly fast."

"That makes her sound like an armada!" the green pegasus chuckled. "Lightning Lady?" The others snorted. "Well, I'd like to see you all come up with better! You! What do you think we should call the masked mare?"

The question was directed at the unfortunates passing by. Obviously, none of green pegasi's friends had any taste.

[OOC: Feel free to react to the mares or to each other. Go crazy trying to name our new superhero! Who knows? Your name might just be the one that catches the editors of Hoovesweek's ears!]

[millionbitpipes]

[Harvey briefly interrupts his weekly session of glaring at the Hoovesweek stand and contemplating arson when he's approached. He glances over the picture, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement - he's not up-to-date on all their names and stuff, but he's lived with Linkara long enough to know the Flash costume when he sees it.]

You sure it's even a mare?

[ponymeisters]

That's what it says in the paper. [Hi, Harvey! You now have the latest edition of Hoovesweek practically covering your face.] They know these things! They're reporters.

[bluesuit_hoofy]

[Handy is in A Mood -- but really, anypony who'd just been accused of either not existing or being an emotion-sucking vampire would feel the same. He stalks up to the newsstand to accost the salespony, ignoring anyone else who might be waiting to buy an issue.]

I need the address of the ponies who put out this garbage.

Now.

[ponymeisters]

[Your friendly, neighborhood distributor of Hoovesweek is, in fact, used to this sort of thing. The tan, green-maned Earth Pony raises a brow at Handy.]

Askin' the wrong pony, son. You should see to hoofin' over to Canterlot you wanna find the Hoovesweek headquarters. I hear they got guard minotaurs around the office, though.

[bluesuit_hoofy]

Of course they bloody do. [Sigh.] Can you get any more specific than that?