HOOVESWEEK 6

[ponymeisters]

[Morning, Equestrians! It’s that time again, and the newsponies have a new, fresh stock of Equestria's most-read magazine!]




Princess Celestia's darkest secrets are revealed under the veil of the scrolls! She was in fact corrupted like Nightmare Moon this entire time!? She and the legendary Star Swirl were on intimate terms!? And then she might have tried to murder him after he refused to support her!? And why not tell the populace instead of just the newcomer ponies!?

Well, maybe the dragon she's now dating - maybe all of us should watch out! After all, as the saying goes, "with friends like these"...

Other Top Stories Include:

Title: The REAL Truth About Princess Celestia
by Anonymouse

Title: The Griffaltar Goof
by Roberts Robin

Title: Equestria's Sleeping Scourge
by Eggs Benedict

Title: Good Morning, Night Market
by Tom Bronco


BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE:

-Our Essay Contest winners are announced! The five grand prize essays are in this current issue, and they include writings about why cats don't like ponies, how 'humans' stole from ponies, and the lengths some off-worlders will go to incite violence in the pony population.
-A further look at the deteriorating conditions in Griffaltar. The drought may be over, but the heat in the Roc - the country's seat of government - is on. Protests and calls for free elections now threaten the current council's position as a result of mishandling, and one must wonder if this bodes well for our own rulers.
-A photo gallery of some of the strange species that appeared over the course of a week. Why were they here and where did they go?
-A report on the auction of the year, and some of the surprising treasures our reporters bought from it.
-The official confirmation of Tom Shanks' now-very timely movie, now known to be about Princess Celestia's youth.
-A retrospective about the Grand Galloping Gala, and some of its best and worst fashions.
-A review of Manehattan's newest and hottest eatery, a gastropub called The Hoof and Flowers! Everypony from across Equestria who is anypony will be knocking down the doors to this place, according to the famous food expert who ate there, and a franchise to spread the word would be a great idea.

So come one, come all, and read HOOVESWEEK! Only 5 bits a copy - now and forever!

((OOC: For those three winners among the playerbase, they recieved their copy of Hoovesweek the night before the issue hit stands, as well as a Hoovesweek badge card good for the day of April 28. Obviously, they will notice that their essays are...a bit different than what they remember writing. Ah, the joys of editing!

Also, as usual, feel free to react, or comment on those stories, or even make up seeing others in this issue!

Original picture credit is here.))

Comments

[Action]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[Down at the newsstand, Zetta has a copy of the magazine propped magically in front of him, and is reading with almost indecent glee. Every so often he snickers or outright laughs at something he's reading.]

Re: [Action]

[queenbees]

[Sloooooooowly peeks up from behind.]

[Action]

[ponymechanic]

[The more he finds himself reading this, the more he wishes he could summon his persona to burn it.

It seems the only reason he keeps reading this garbage was because of habit. Plus it was an easy way to get his blood boiling.]

...I'm seriously convinced Hoovesweek hates Princess Celestia.

[Action]

[pseudacteon_emigre]

Hardly. Those serving under a functioning ruler will not question that functioning ruler. Before now, all they had was minor gossip.

Now, it seems apparent that the ruler is no longer properly functioning, and dissent is starting to form.

[Have a changeling casually arguing your convictions, Tails. He's not actually around to get a copy of the magazine this time - he's already got a copy back in the office.]

[Action] OTA

[robotfightclub]

[Apparently someone didn't notice their copy until it was far too late, something about sleeping in and what is mail? Not to mention Arcee had forgotten about the whole contest thing entirely, so it didn't even register that it was something to look out for.

So as anyone can imagine, there's a sudden wave of horror that washes over her when she notices the magazines and finally discovers what's inside it.]

SCRAAAAAAAP!!

[She wasn't supposed to win. She was trying to make a point! It wasn't even a good essay, she wrote it in the heat of the moment because she was upset about cutie marks.

Never mind that they twisted her words. That doesn't seem nearly as bad as winning...apparently.]

[Visual, private]

[bluesuit_hoofy]

I think it's safe to assume they butchered your essay as much as they did mine. You're going on the tour, right? And do you know this Brainstorm person?

[Action]

[one_shall_rise]

Is something the matter, Arcee?

[Optimus asks he pads into the room, drawn over from the kitchen by her sudden yowl, his head tilted to one side curiously. Though, when he sees the copy of Hoovesweek sitting at her paws, he begins to have his suspicions.]

[Visual?] I-I wasn't entirely sure where everybody was living, but we can action too.

[neverputincharge]

[Wow, he heard that yell. Have a worried Bulk.]

Arcee?

[passing_thru_rider]

Tsukasa got his own copy of the rag and was reading it up until the article by "Eggs Benedict." After awhile, he rolled his eyes and tossed away the rag.

"Tch. If I didn't know better, I'd thought a certain someone had written it." He said. "Of course, he probably would have blamed me for it, not anyone else."

[toosmarttodie]

[Brainstorm's first thought was upon seeing this paper magically dropped before its release was: "someone spelled anonymous wrong." But reading on, he's not surprised he's among one of the winners in the essay contest. Boy, he almost forgot about that!]

Probably one of the few literate people here...

[Oh wait hold the phone. Brainstorm squints at the paper again.]

Did they censor me?! I KNEW this was some kind of oppressive st--

[SQUINTS HARDER.]

Arcee?! You mean that psychopath won too?!

[Open]

[gigglesnortpriestess]

Look who bought a stack of them.

Look at the changeling waving one of them around.

See the sign saying 'FREE KINDLING'? Yep, Yukiko's idea and she doesn't give a buck. Wanna vent frustrations on Hoovesweek, feel free to take.

[Open]

[ponymechanic]

Tails already has a copy, so he goes up to them.

"How about a donation?"

He didn't want to bother ripping it up or throwing it away like he used to. At this point, it wasn't worth the Celestia-hatred induced garbage.

[robotfightclub]

Look who is...actually kind of worried. That's an impressive stack there. Too impressive. So impressive, an investigation is in order.

"Please don't tell me you actually bought all of these."

[Action]

[pirateponyprincess]

[Near the magazine stand, there is a small, pink pony in a fancy pirate hat reading the article about Celestia, looking rather unamused.]

[Yes, Celestia is using a disguise to read a magazine article about herself. It might cause problems otherwise.]

How did she manage to get into this...?

[Action]

[callmeyork]

[Well, this is a complete goddamn mess. If there was ever any time for bureaucratic internal investigation, it would be now. If York's authority around here were more legit, he would march straight up to the Hoovesweek offices and grill them about who their inside man might be.

But everything else is interesting, too. Which is why he's taking the time to chill at the Night Market, scowling lightly at a copy he bought.]

Never trust a tabloid rag, Zach. That's a life lesson.

[Action]

[noxequus]

[Of course, Luna was making her rounds of the market as he's glancing the rag.

It's probably not easy to make a casual trot sound angrier than she just did.]

I believe I had made it clear that this was to be an area free of that taint, York.

[Action]

[cape_and_wizard_hat]

[Trixie is reading through the magazine diligently. When she reads through the Griffaltar article, that's when it starts to get weird for her.]

What!? Trixie is pretty sure there were no riots! 'Twas all but peaceful, quiet protests! If there were any signs of violence there, Trixie would not have performed there!

[Action]

[mithrarin]

That doesn't sell.

[Dust is probably reading the magazine... but with his eyes so hidden, who can tell?]

[superstylishstallion]

*Alastor has ripped a couple of pages out of the paper and left them crumpled on the ground beneath him. What does he have the magazine open to now? Some rather...risque photos of him in Lyra's house during the 4th wall event. They're pretty obviously taken through a window and some conveniently placed furniture thankfully preserves the PG-13 rating modesty, but it's clear that he's not wearing anything. The photos show him in both demon form and looking like a human with long, pointy ears.*

And all the humans jump to conclusions iiiiin...

[sumofallreds]

So...bearing all for all to see huh? Impressive guts ya got there.

[Action]

[solequus]

[Well, Celestia's been brought a copy by a royal guard, in her throne room and...needless to say, she's not happy. The comments about her hurt, but the things written about the off worlder ponies were even more troubling. She sighed, putting the magazine aside. And apparently there were ponies in Canterlot, wishing for a statement about what she intended to do about "the threat".]

I'd like to look over actual state business so I might address it. Tell those who are asking that they need have no fear of the off-worlders, that this article is a fabrication of the actual situation. And, if they want me to address it personally, I will, but...I have no time to entertain such ridiculous claims.

[Action, OTA]

[bluesuit_hoofy]

[The good news is that Andrew's essay has been twisted to be more asinine than incriminating. Well, no matter. He hardly entered the contest expecting the essay to be published unedited, and there's a lot more to make him uneasy than some editor putting words in his mouth. The accusations against Celestia are building -- not entirely without just cause, but native journalists shouldn't even know about her confession at all. That Griffaltar is in a state of such upheaval is news to him, too; he knows to take all of Hoovesweek's reporting with a handful of salt, but it's still enough to remind him to write to Sunny sooner rather than later.

The next morning he goes about his business as if nothing has happened. After a bit of puttering about and breakfast at the commune, he heads into town to see how the locals are reacting do a bit of shopping, for once utterly ignoring the newsstand. He already knows what's in Hoovesweek; no need to get excited over it. He can be found poking his nose in at various shops, looking at and checking prices on...snappy clothing? How unusual for him.]

[action]

[needsteaplz]

Down at Otsuki Chacha, things were slow so Saori had time to pick up several copies of this horrible magazine. It disturbed her that there were photos of the past week but the fact they knew about Celestia's private message to them troubled her. She didn't want to believe there was a mole amongst her fellow other-worlders. While she wasn't for complete censorship, she wished this thing would die in a fire.

Though there was one photo that caught her attention and spared. It featured Saori, Margulis and his boyfriend Lee, all in human form, together. It was a shame the tablet she got in Exsilium never came over to Equestria so this was the only photo she had of the three of them.

She ripped out pages from the issues and folded them into paper airplanes with her unicorn magic. The planes floated in the air over the shop to only be shot down by a fox made out of smoke.

"That damn magazine. They got a lot of nerve to imply we're warmongering invaders. They don't even know what our worlds are like, so who are they to judge us?"

[action]

[polyturtle]

Meanwhile, Don was drinking tea in the main room, when he saw paper airplanes showering the sky, only to be smacked down to the ground.

"Hoovesweek?"

[action]

[holyfight]

[Orihime has given up her bits to get a copy - the cover was pretty, what? - but now that she's actually reading it, it's a bit distressing]

Ehhhh-!?

Why are all these articles so angry? I thought this was supposed to be a nice magazine?