[Oh, the smirk on the unicorn's face as he addresses the scroll...]

So, Ponyville... how are you enjoying that trueberry-laced storm we had the other day?

Hyaaa ha ha ha ha! Don't sugarcoat it! Go on, be honest!

"SWEET ARCEUS YOU HAVE TO LISTEN."

The words - spoken with a forcefulness that is somewhat like the aural equivalent of a crowbar to the kneecap - are out before the picture on the scroll has even finished resolving into the highly excited face of Mako, the pink pony's voluminous mane frazzled and unkempt, a manic grin splitting her muzzle.

"Alright so I was collating my field notes at the library because hey, library, seat of learning, peace and quiet and all that jazz and then I found this amazing book - well, I say 'found' but really what actually happened is that Etranger found it and thought I would like it - she's such a little darling and I am completely proud of her - and it was an animal encyclopedia and so here is the thing: PONIES. ARE. MAMMALS. Alright? ARE YOU LISTENING? It's like, sweet Mew, I have been a mammal all this time and didn't even know it, do you even KNOW what kind of discovery this is?!"

Mako leans closer to the scroll, her eyes wide and staring.

"This is the kind of discovery that entire careers are built on. If I write just ONE PAPER on this, I will never have to work again in my life and I will still be the top of the scientific community. Do you understand? Humans are not bizarre freaks of nature, they're members of the order Mammalia! THERE IS AN ACTUAL ORDER FOR MAMMALS. Forget knowledge bombs, this is a KNOWLEDGE ANTI-MATTER EXPLOSION. COMPLETE ANNIHILATION OF THE ENTIRE KNOWLEDGE UNIVERSE."

...somepony please calm this girl down.

[At first, there's only silence. Well, relative silence. If you listen closely, you could here a bit of awkward shuffling in the background, with the occasional distant mumble of "Where the heck did I put that thing?" coupled with a lengthy string of colorful and creative curses. Eventually, the background noise subsides. There's a sound of a needle hitting a record and...]

[Music. Well, for a certain value of the term, anyhow. The audio quality's fairly subpar, like somebody dragged the record player out of the trash, and the recording pops and skips in places where it probably shouldn't. As the song ends and the music fades away, a voice- raspy and lightly accented- cuts in.]

Gooood afternoon, Ponyville, this is the one and only DJ Pon-3 comin' at ya loud and proud from our own little patch'a heaven, our home away from home! It's three to the PM at the top'a the hour, a let me tell ya it is a scorcher out there today. Looks like the Big C's got it out for us today, eh listeners? But, lucky for all of you, we here at the studio are dedicated to providing you with quality entertainment. We're gonna be bringin' you the hits, all day, everyday, whether you like it or not!

So, if y'all got any request, shout-outs, call-outs, knock-outs, drop-outs, smoke-outs, workouts, or you just plain wanna make yourself heard, you go ahead and give us a holler. Remember, Ponyville, we're here for you.

Now, without further adue, this next track's from the Pony of Pop herself, Sapphire Shores, and in this humble DJ's opinion, it definitely stands out against her more recent work. Enjoy.

[If there's one thing Theopholous DuMedd is good at, it's hitching a smile back onto his face and ignoring his own emotional pain in favor of making other people happy. Making other people happy is its own therapy, after all, and it's better than moping. So here he is, back on the scrolls, looking for all the world like nothing bad has ever happened to him in his life.]

As many of you know, particularly those of you who've recently stopped by the newest building gracing our fine commune, I've recently set myself up a brewery. Though my methods aren't really orthodox, especially not for Equestria, I've found my work fairly easy to do with the proper equipment.

So, I have an open question, everypony! I like to flavor my drinks with all sorts of strange and interesting tastes, and I was wondering if anyone had anything in particular they'd like to see, since hopefully every one of you will be my customers. Apples I'm given to understand are a staple, so don't worry, those are accounted for -- unless of course the Apple family would rather I leave that to them?

[She's looking around a little confused before regarding the scroll.]

...I'm back? I didn't expect to return, I thought I was simply not needed anymore. Hm... well, can anyone tell me how much I missed? I believe it's been a few months since I was last here.

[She straightens as though she recalled something.]

Oh! Are my apples still growing? They've been left unattended for so long, I-

[She shuts her scroll and makes a dash to the field between Ponyville and the Everfree forest. She owned a small plot of land there previously. In a few months, her trees would still be little but hopefully not dead!]

[when AJ comes on the screen, she looks a little more subdued than usual]

Howdy there, everypony.

Uh. Ah don't wanna make light of all the things that've been happenin' around here lately, yanno? But Ah was wonderin' if anypony would like to help me put together a hoedown, or somethin'. [Pinkie Pie, she's looking at you] T'lift spirits?

[at that, she looks a bit sheepish. did that sound inconsiderate? things like murder don't. usually happen here, at least not that she knows of... AJ rubs her cheek with her hoof]

Yeah, so... Lemme know. Thanks.

[Utsusemimaru had intended to make his introduction to the network in as formal a manner as he could possibly manage, given that he was now a small gold winged horse and apparently stuck in some strange place where other people had been turned into small multicolored horses. He's made his way to a park where he can think for a little while on exactly what he wants to say to make his introduction.

He's come to a swing set, which looks like a good place to think...and he will try to sit down. While he's a tiny horse. With wings he's not used to and with four legs he's not used to. He has enough trouble with swing sets without these new sources of clumsiness. There's a yelp of alarm as he somehow becomes horrifically tangled in the swing within a matter of moments.

It is at this point that the video feed cuts on. There is a tiny owl-sized gold pteranodon poking at the scroll and squawking in alarm. Utsusemimaru has not noticed this, as he is hanging upside down from the swings with his back to his little friend and the scroll.]

Pteragordon! Pteragordon! I require some assistance!

[Hey there, fillies and colts! Its Celestia again, this time, back in her bedroom. Her scroll is positioned so those who see this and respond can tell she is hard at work. And also see her room, which is just as bright and golden as ever. Even the mirrors seem to glint gold on the edges at least from the scroll angle.

Anyhow, she isn't calling to make you all jealous of her kick-flank room. The old symbology book is on her desk.]

Well, it appears I've figured out what the symbol is. I almost feel rather silly not remembering it, but the last I saw it was a long time ago.

[At this, she holds up a picture she drew herself.]

This is a symbol of a legendary alicorn in the old Unicorn Kingdom, who was said to be friend to all living creatures, especially children and the downtrodden. The very first alicorn at the beginning of time, in fact, and also said to be the last alicorn at the end of time. She was supposedly a beautiful, all white filly with long, dark, shiny hair. We called her the Pale Pony. That's what the P is for. Its her banner.

[Paper down.]

Back when I was a filly, when there was a sick pony in a household, the family would carve one of these symbols and affix it to their house. This was the means of communicating to the Pale Pony that she was to bring a pony to one of her domains. She'd come up with a sled made of sparkling gems and adorned with her banner, I was told, and would shoot across the sky to her kingdom. Then, she'd place ponies to where they were supposed to go. Good ponies went to Sunnyside, where children were given candy and adults didn't have to work. Bad ponies would go to Downpour, where it always rained and made everything soggy. That's what the arrows symbolize.

[A pause. A small, sad smile flashes across her face, before it disappears.]

Of course, I wanted to go there, not realizing the deeper implications. But only because of the candy. I had such a sweet tooth as a child!

[What do you mean "had"-]

Ah! That being said, my ponies, what have you found? And...well, have any of you gone into the basement? As I've said, it can be quite dangerous, so please, if you decide to take such a risk, make sure you're prepared. I will be disappointed if I found any of you disappeared because you fed the zombies pudding on accident!

[ Typically when an image of a pony flickered to life and there was nothing to see but open sky: said pony was probably a pegasus flying in the air above all the rooftops. This, here, now, was not the case. Meet Avispa Kusbir, a newly-arrived Unicorn, who has somehow managed to get to the top railing-enclosed spot atop the Town Hall. Just below the point at the top, that's exactly where she's standing... wearing a monster skull on her head. Thankfully she remembers to push it up with a hoof so her face isn't hidden behind the helmet-like skull, but she looks awfully confused. ]

This place is really really really really weird!

[ For one, it's just a peaceful little place! For two, she's not questioning why she's a hoofbeast... pony... four-legged creature... or why she now only has a single horn in the middle of her head instead of two on the sides. She could go on thinking about the weird, ignoring that others might think her wearing a skull was weird. ]

But, are there maybe a lot of puzzles? Um, puzzles, maybe hidden all around, maybe, yes? Because that would be really really really really absolutely wonderful, I think!

[ Oh, right, wait, hold on, that was the third thing. She didn't see anyone she knew, so this had to be some kind of solo-session she needed to take on. She could beat it, absolutely! After she solved the puzzle floating right beside her, of course, which had only just floated into view. Apparently she'd been solving it in midair all along. But, oh, she'd nearly forgotten...! ]

Oh, um, and I'm Avispa, I am, yes!

[The image flickers to life, showing what appears to be the depths of Everfree Forest. For a good minute or two, the owner of the scroll does not make itself known, and it would be simple to dismiss the message as an accident… until a rather intense-looking changeling with a red color scheme in contrast to the normal teal drops into the image from above in the most dramatic way he can manage. Aiming a piercing glare at the scroll, he uses a hoof to briefly brush his forelock out of his face.]

It has come to my attention that this world, cheery and pastel as it seems, is suffering from a rather regrettable complete lack of discipline. Why, how you ponies can even function as a society at this point boggles the mind. But no matter, I am nothing if not adaptable.

[For lack of his beloved cloak, the changeling flares his small, insectoid wings and points a perforated hoof at the 'screen.']

I, Valvatorez, shall accept this challenge! I will shoulder the burden of every pony in this land, and teach them all the true meaning of fear!

[And with that, the image cuts out.]

[Only to come back on a few seconds later.]

Also, I find myself lacking proper attire. I will need to procure some clothing, so if some…pony could point me in the direction of a tailor, I would be much obliged.

H'okay, how's this thing s'posed to work?

[Before anypony can actually take the time to respond, the visual feed comes in. It appears to be the inside of somebody's left nostril. There's a kind of odd, grotesque beauty to it, actually. Like a beached whale. Suddenly, the voice cuts in again, louder this time.]

Ah! That's the stuff.

[Before the grandeur of the scene can be truly appreciated, the view pulls out to reveal an off-white unicorn pony with a ratty electric blue man and a pair of immaculately cared-for shades. She appears to be standing in an empty lot somewhere. Vinyl sighs wistful and sags her shoulders a little.]

Man, this town really went down the tubes while I was out, didn't it? I leave for, like, a day, and it's all alternate dimensions this and monsters that. I feel like a preschool teacher. Turn my back for five seconds, catch ya eatin' glue and crayons.

And this..

[She taps the hard, dusty ground with a careful hoof.]

I'm pretty sure there was a house here before. My house. Like, maybe my memory's failing a little, but I'm at least a hundred and ten percent positive that I used to live here. Iunno, maybe I just took a wrong turn or somethin'. But hey, on the upside I get to sleep under the stars now. Maybe I should just ditch the music thing and become a train hobo. Get one'a those little hats with the top all messed up and a rag tied to a stick and I'm set.

Nah, on second thought I don't think I'm cut out for ridin' the rails. Too much work.

[She pauses for a second, then clears her throat.]

Anyhow, what I'm drivin' at here is that maybe I'm a lil' outta the loop. Just a bit. Feel like I should've been sent a notice or somethin' but nope.

[Sometime after the ponies wake up, scrolls and quills suddenly start raining from the sky. Don't worry, its not the ponypocalypse, its just a squadron of flying white ponies dropping them from above.

Once everyone receives one, the scrolls suddenly glow and come to life, its surface revealing the visage of a large white alicorn with rainbow hair and a golden crown, sitting on a large, velvet-upholstered throne. She has a calm, reassuring, regal smile on her face as she speaks, though those who know her better can see the light of worry and concern in her eyes.]

Good afternoon, newponies! I am Princess Celestia.

I've heard of your arrival in Ponyville and of some of the more interesting stories that have come from it. We're...not certain how this phenomenon has occurred, but we here at the royal castle will put our efforts into solving this mystery, and I hope you will help us out as we wish to help you out!

Rest assured, no harm will come to you. Nor, as some of you have worried, are we holding you against your will. On the contrary, you're free to move about Equestria as you please, be it through Ponyville, Los Pegasus or anywhere in between. I only request that you use the scrolls we have provided you to check in from time to time, so that we know where you might be when we figure out the solution to this current situation.

If you have any questions, you are free to ask them of me. If I am not available - and, I will admit, there are times when I can be quite busy - there are many other ponies willing to help you, including the other princesses of Equestria. We are all in this together, after all.

[And then she smiles a little more. Its a much more relaxed smile. The concern is still there, of course.]

But, in the meantime, I'd also like to get to know all of you! I always like to meet new people, after all. I hear we even have a dragon?