Dear Princess Celestia (as I understand these things are s'posed to begin),

Ya strike me as a reasonably classy dame, an' I mean that in a good way. Ya got more taste than Canterlot, anyway -- I popped by there. Biggest mistake I coulda made. Cardboard's got more flavor than that place, an' if their snoots were any higher in the air, they'd be in Cloudsdale.

But I ain't here ta talk smack about ya upper-class (that just comes naturally). Point is, ya gotta be bored up there, an' I bet my lucky foot that means ya listened to the music that got sent out over the scrolls the other day. What I'm here ta tell ya is that that chicken's got a lot more eggs ta lay. Ya want music? Ya got music: that lovely lady DJ'd be honored ta drop some beats for ya, if ya want ta liven up ya day sometime. Here or there, but I bet if ya came down to a concert here ya'd be showin' support for all us offworld types right when that gossip rag's been rakin' the muck like yellow's the best color newsprint can be. She ain't in it for the money, so past expenses we can even make it a benefit concert or somethin'. Beats me what you Princessy types want. Point is, the girl here's the musical equivalent of a centerfold, and ya doin' yerself a disservice if ya don't feast ya metaphorical eyes on those aural curves. (And the literal ones too if that's ya thing.)

Ya loyal impresario,
Boo Velka Receptor Arba

[At first, there's only silence. Well, relative silence. If you listen closely, you could here a bit of awkward shuffling in the background, with the occasional distant mumble of "Where the heck did I put that thing?" coupled with a lengthy string of colorful and creative curses. Eventually, the background noise subsides. There's a sound of a needle hitting a record and...]

[Music. Well, for a certain value of the term, anyhow. The audio quality's fairly subpar, like somebody dragged the record player out of the trash, and the recording pops and skips in places where it probably shouldn't. As the song ends and the music fades away, a voice- raspy and lightly accented- cuts in.]

Gooood afternoon, Ponyville, this is the one and only DJ Pon-3 comin' at ya loud and proud from our own little patch'a heaven, our home away from home! It's three to the PM at the top'a the hour, a let me tell ya it is a scorcher out there today. Looks like the Big C's got it out for us today, eh listeners? But, lucky for all of you, we here at the studio are dedicated to providing you with quality entertainment. We're gonna be bringin' you the hits, all day, everyday, whether you like it or not!

So, if y'all got any request, shout-outs, call-outs, knock-outs, drop-outs, smoke-outs, workouts, or you just plain wanna make yourself heard, you go ahead and give us a holler. Remember, Ponyville, we're here for you.

Now, without further adue, this next track's from the Pony of Pop herself, Sapphire Shores, and in this humble DJ's opinion, it definitely stands out against her more recent work. Enjoy.

H'okay, how's this thing s'posed to work?

[Before anypony can actually take the time to respond, the visual feed comes in. It appears to be the inside of somebody's left nostril. There's a kind of odd, grotesque beauty to it, actually. Like a beached whale. Suddenly, the voice cuts in again, louder this time.]

Ah! That's the stuff.

[Before the grandeur of the scene can be truly appreciated, the view pulls out to reveal an off-white unicorn pony with a ratty electric blue man and a pair of immaculately cared-for shades. She appears to be standing in an empty lot somewhere. Vinyl sighs wistful and sags her shoulders a little.]

Man, this town really went down the tubes while I was out, didn't it? I leave for, like, a day, and it's all alternate dimensions this and monsters that. I feel like a preschool teacher. Turn my back for five seconds, catch ya eatin' glue and crayons.

And this..

[She taps the hard, dusty ground with a careful hoof.]

I'm pretty sure there was a house here before. My house. Like, maybe my memory's failing a little, but I'm at least a hundred and ten percent positive that I used to live here. Iunno, maybe I just took a wrong turn or somethin'. But hey, on the upside I get to sleep under the stars now. Maybe I should just ditch the music thing and become a train hobo. Get one'a those little hats with the top all messed up and a rag tied to a stick and I'm set.

Nah, on second thought I don't think I'm cut out for ridin' the rails. Too much work.

[She pauses for a second, then clears her throat.]

Anyhow, what I'm drivin' at here is that maybe I'm a lil' outta the loop. Just a bit. Feel like I should've been sent a notice or somethin' but nope.

[This opens to two identical-looking ponies. Same face and everything. Although it just so happens that one of them is (only very) slightly taller, has wings and a horn and is wearing a crown and dress and the other has neither. The one with the jewelry is first to speak.]

I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, and having been remiss of making a public introduction this way since the incident began, something has come up that I would like to address.

Even though I am a Princess of Equestria you don't really need to treat me as if I'm different from other ponies. Some of you know this already. I came into my position only recently, and I'd like to learn how to best fill it slowly rather than being thrust into it.

That being said, there’s something else the both of us need to discuss as well.

[This is when the unicorns speaks up.]

There’s been a lot of confusion stemming from telling us apart...and it’s perfectly understandable! Given that some ponies now have doubles, this was bound to happen. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not the Twilight Sparkle native to this Equestria. In fact, I’m not even a princess; I come from long before that point in time...but that’s beside the point. Despite only one of us having a crown and a matching pair of wings, there’s no need to feel as though you need to treat either of us any differently from other ponies. We’re just as confused about this entire scenario as you are, but we’re willing to help out in any way we can.

[Princess Twilight retakes the floor.]

That being said, I’m also interested in the circumstances that those of you not from Equestria, or even not from this Equestria, have been pulled away from. It may not help you return home, provided that’s what you want to do, but I don’t want to miss a chance like this, so stop by the library if you feel like answering some questions.

[Sometime after the ponies wake up, scrolls and quills suddenly start raining from the sky. Don't worry, its not the ponypocalypse, its just a squadron of flying white ponies dropping them from above.

Once everyone receives one, the scrolls suddenly glow and come to life, its surface revealing the visage of a large white alicorn with rainbow hair and a golden crown, sitting on a large, velvet-upholstered throne. She has a calm, reassuring, regal smile on her face as she speaks, though those who know her better can see the light of worry and concern in her eyes.]

Good afternoon, newponies! I am Princess Celestia.

I've heard of your arrival in Ponyville and of some of the more interesting stories that have come from it. We're...not certain how this phenomenon has occurred, but we here at the royal castle will put our efforts into solving this mystery, and I hope you will help us out as we wish to help you out!

Rest assured, no harm will come to you. Nor, as some of you have worried, are we holding you against your will. On the contrary, you're free to move about Equestria as you please, be it through Ponyville, Los Pegasus or anywhere in between. I only request that you use the scrolls we have provided you to check in from time to time, so that we know where you might be when we figure out the solution to this current situation.

If you have any questions, you are free to ask them of me. If I am not available - and, I will admit, there are times when I can be quite busy - there are many other ponies willing to help you, including the other princesses of Equestria. We are all in this together, after all.

[And then she smiles a little more. Its a much more relaxed smile. The concern is still there, of course.]

But, in the meantime, I'd also like to get to know all of you! I always like to meet new people, after all. I hear we even have a dragon?