[So... this minotaur fellow appeared one day, then disappeared after a few days. Why? Well... maybe the distribution of a new record EP by Big Band and the Blockbusters may have something to do with it. Posters detailing some kind of current tour going on, as well as sample CDs including the band's smash hit Unfinished Business are being distributed all over Ponyville.

It also seems that the artist himself is taking a reprieve in what looks like a Manehattan version of the Decanter's backstage: the band, all various musical ponies are packing up in the background of the scroll message seem to be dressed in the same gold-and-black getup as Ben.]

Fillies and Gentlecolts, I have to apologize for my disappearance from Ponyville, but, uh... y'know. It looks like Equestria was suddenly ready for a minotaur musician. I'll be back soon enough with my tour's finale. In the meantime, uh... well, what did I miss?

[Harvey Finevoice, eat your damn heart out.]

So. You're probably wondering why I have a dog in a banana costume.

[It would, Surprise supposes, be a thing most would wonder, as there is indeed a dog, a dachshund to be specific, slowly waltzing about around her while dressed in a small, bright yellow banana costume.]

First, uh...I should probably apologize for how I was this time of year last year. I...Nightmare Night isn't exactly something I look forward to. I guess...I mean I know the war that came from it didn't seem to affect this Equestria or maybe most like it did mine. I mean, you know, I'm not sure why that is, since you'd think a war would leave lasting scars on a social conscious no matter where it happens, right!?

But hey let's not talk about war and the lasting damage it does to society! Let's talk about war and why we dress dogs up in remembrance of it! Or, uh, traditions for Nightmare Night I guess. I think how the war happened in my world is different from most so I'm gonna explain a few things.

So about a thousand years ago, the Princesses took an initiative to be more open with the public, including saying they were willing to hear any suggestions their citizens had. It's not known how it started, but legend has it that someone requested that Celestia dress in a banana costume. It seemed to start as a joke, but eventually it got a lot of support somehow. Apparently everyone just kind of loved it.

In response Princess Celestia decided to end the initiative and destroyed a small settlement she thought the request came from. Princess Luna, however, wanted to keep the initiative going and pushed for Celestia to wear the banana costume to appease the public. She tried to push it everywhere she could, and eventually tried to slip it into the fiscal budget plan for the coming year to force it.

When that didn't work, Princess Luna did the only thing she could to try and get Celestia to acquiesce to her demand: she sold her sanity to the dark gods that lay on the fringes of reality and proceeded to bombard Canterlot with dark magic, leading to her banishment to the moon and a century long ban on fruit based costumes.

And so, in my Equestria today, we remember this horrific war that still shatters families and friends apart in two specific ways. The first is the burning of all fiscal yearly budget reports, although that's...you know, it's kind of been going out of style considering all the damage it does to the economy. The second is the dressing up of dogs in banana costumes.

I...I'm not really clear on why we do it to dogs specifically, man, the history is kind of hazy. I know that like three hundred years back some pony scientists tried to shoot a bunch of dogs dressed in banana costumes to the moon, but you know, it just kind of ended up raining costumed dogs for a day instead.

So, uh. Other than the usual trick or treating, that's how and why we celebrate Nightmare Night!

[The dachshund, meanwhile, is still waddling about a bit before managing to trip over a bit of the costume somehow.]

Oh, yeah. Is anypony missing a dog or something named Jellybeans? Because I found it.

 

[Hope you like just staring at an empty wrestling ring painted a gaudy orange and red. Well, it’s not entirely empty, as there is a rather large, crotchety raccoon just laying in the middle of the ring. Someone shoved a little black t-shirt on it though it’s hard to tell since it’s not moving. Is it sleeping? Dead? It’s pretty hard to say, perhaps as hard to say as to why anyone would show this to others.

And then Jappleack just comes from the side of the screen, pulling herself up by one of the side cords of the ring to land in it. She thinks it looks bad ass, though how much it really does is hard to tell. She’s wearing a black t-shirt like the raccoon, though it’s easier to see that on the front of it is written in white, and sloppy, lettering “HATE MACHTENE”. It doesn’t appear to be stitched on - really, it’s like someone tried to paint it on the fabric.]

Hey funkers. I know we’re talking about getting along and that’s great, but we all have some aggression we have to get out still. So I’d like to suggest a fun and awesome way that allows everyone to beat the crap out of each other without any hard feelings.

It’s called wrestling, and it’s awesome.

[And there’s a surprise Strong Bad! He’s added white markings to his black markings, making him look like a depraved football fan. He’s morally opposed to shirt-wearing, of course, so instead he wears a black rag around a foreleg with a snake design painted on it.]

And if y’all don’t know what that is, basically, you throw yourself at someone and pin them down. When they can’t get back up, you win. Actually, uh---I”m thinking this could go wrong a few different ways. Maybe we should demonstrate.

Yeah so what you do is beat the other person up like this-

[Which is when Jappleack throws a hoof at Strong Bad’s stomach - not hard enough to really hurt him, but enough to get the point across-]

Then you pin their asses to the ground like this.

[Which is when she’ll be trying to force him to the ground to pin him to the ground.]

That’s pretty much it. I mean usually it goes on longer than that but that’s the basic idea of what you do whup the other dude’s ass. But the assbeatings are actually the least important part of wrestling. Cause if the fighting was the biggest part we could just be starting brawls in the bar or something. It’s about beating up others, but it’s also about putting on a show.

[Strong Bad grunts pitifully, really drags it out...and then bounces back up with a smirk.]

Yeah. Most wrestling you see on TV is totally fixed. All those rivalries are scripted by execs in board rooms, and every match’s outcome was planned months in advance. The Ponyville Wrestling Federation, I can assure you, is gonna be entirely legit.

BUT that doesn’t mean you can prance in here like this is a game of horseshoes. You’ve still gotta get yourself wrestling names. And a costume, if you want. When you’ve got your name and your look, come see us at the Slamatorium.

Gotta decide where you stand too. You can be a face or a heel - that’s a good guy or a bad guy, you don’t know how to speak this shit. Anyone can come wrestle, even if you’ve got super powers and crap, but either keep that shit to a minimum or don’t use it at all. Think you can use it to put on a good show? Sweet, do that. But no one wants to see Jackass Poweroverwhelming punch Goober McNormal’s face for a full five minutes without any give and take.

….Also? Try and keep away from Ricky if you can.

[She gives a look over at the raccoon.]

I mean, you can try moving him you wanna, but it’s your funeral if you try.

[There's a minotaur all up in your collective grills, Equestria. One that has his face mostly obscured by a trenchcoat and fedora, both in a dusty light brown.]

Alright. Clearly, I musta fallen asleep in front of one of Peacock's shows or something. Because this is one hell of a dream.

[His voice is smooth, rich, and deep, almost as if he's a natural born singer.]

... well, either that, or some Skullgirl made the world's worst wish. Seriously, why's this place gotta be so bright...

Moping aside, might as well introduce myself. The name's Ben Birdland, but you can call me Big Band. It's what I'm used to.

Now, anybody wanna give me directions to the nearest bar? Because if I'm gonna wait this thing out, I'm gonna wait it out with some gin.

[If anybody so chooses, they can find the hulk of a bull stomping (lightly) around the Town Square, trying to get his bearings. Seems like there's a similarly massive saxophone strapped to his back, and he's having no trouble carrying it around.]